Lost all interest in self care

[villet]

Hi I’m the owner of a small U.K. makeup brand .
when I started the brand in 2017 I had a 2 year old I would model the lashes, take lots of selfies , get really excited about applying makeup though I was never able to do Cutcreases and the foundation was usually flakey

Since moving and having a second child I have suffered from anhedonia . Duloxetine antidepressant worked well for a year then I stopped taking it and I think it’s affected my brain chemistry permanently.

I get no joy in shopping for makeup , don’t want to visit the salon despite being 70% grey at only 33! I don’t have any desire to make my husband find me attractive as he’s never been one to give compliments or call me beautiful compared to an ex boyfriend I had 10y ago who was obsessed with my features.
I tried applying lipstick but it was very messy and I just stared at myself feeling nothing. I’m also not feeling anything from music.

Nobody has to wear makeup or dye their hair if they can't be arsed.

You should have a chat with your GP about your lack of joy if it's affecting every aspect of your life.

You might find more sensory self care more rewarding initially. Baths, showers, things which smell nice, clothes with enjoyable textures.

Physical exercise is often good for pushing through all the junk in our brains. It has been shown to help people get over a slump. Even if that's just managing a walk everyday.

With the makeup, if you would like to be interested, I would start small. Maybe just a dab of rosy blush to your cheeks, if applicable to your colouring, or some bronzer swept under your cheek bones. A dab of coloured lip balm. Hair tidied, clothes clean and neat. So when you do catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror you will not feel dishevelled. Which also can affect how others treat you as you've acknowledged. Being treated better often helps you feel better about yourself.

But yes, your GP will have advice for you too if you feel just too overwhelmed by this.

I have had a long, active and satisfying life without ever even once caring one hoot about putting on any makeup - and tend to pity those women I know who are absolute slaves to it, pouring their time and money into smearing gunk onto their faces to cover up their beautiful natural selves.

There is nothing wrong at all in having no interest in make up. But it sounds as if you think it is a symptom of something else in you?

@icewoman, I believe you. It really depends how you like to present yourself. Personally I like wearing makeup, like the way I look in in except when I'm exercising or in a sauna/hot tub or sleeping etc anywhere where it doesn't seem appropriate.

So there is a middle ground I think.

If people could feel just as good without having to spend the time and money on make up etc., logically they wouldn't bother with it.

So I'd focus on the general loss of joy - by speaking to the GP - but being less bothered about make up is a positive really.

If you are used to pinning a lot of your self-worth on your looks and grooming, maybe it's time you tried not to do that as much. Self-care means looking after yourself, and make-up is not a compulsory part of that.

Not feeling any enjoyment of anything might be a cause for concern, but not feeling joy in buying make-up is not something to worry about. It's normal to grow out of enthusiasms (and find others) as you get older. It's also not uncommon to reject as we get older the beauty expectations which we've felt the need to live up to when younger.

My husband said he doesn’t have to be jealous as im basically presenting myself every day in a messy /dishevelled way nice way of saying hobo or slob.

two things I learned when I had anhedonia:

1. You don't have to want to do things that or good for you, or to feel better during or after them, but you do have to do them. Continue with basic self care of exercise, healthy eating, grooming, consisting of showering, skin care, teeth, clean, brushed hair, clean nails, but it doesn't have to be excessive, doesn't have to include make up if you don't want.

2.) You don't have to continue to like what you always liked. Maybe in part the anhedonia is telling you that you have outgrown the interest in makeup and want to move onto something else. Try the opposite extreme - get muddy and outdoorsy - see how you feel then.

I feel exactly the same as you OP (I think I must have addy-what'sit too - I just had to google it). But what I do differently is force myself to apply makeup/do my hair/dress nicely if I'm going out (not when I'm just staying in all day) as I find I feel 100% better when I've actually done that. Getting out walking helps, although it's hard to find the motivation at this time of year. I also has a dh who tells me I'm beautiful even when I look a mess. It sounds like your dh is part of the problem, what he said about not having to be jealous is quite a nasty thing to say.

yes it’s nasty but he speaks his mind he doesn’t know how to word things properly and I didn’t feel much about his comment
when we first married he didn’t like me going out if my legs were showing etc so I changed

now when we go swimming and most of my body is exposed in a swim costume he doesn’t really comment

I don't think OP is asking for advice on how to get back into enjoying makeup or even a lecture on not basing her self-worth on looks. It is obviously a very worrying change to go from someone who loved make up enough to make a business out of it to having no interest and being unable to derive joy from your usual sources.

It is depression, OP. Go back to your GP.

I think we cross-posted, OP

Duloxetine permanently affects the brain and many law suits in USA against it- it makes you so happy in the first year then stops. I’ve tried many things since like venlafaxine and they sometimes give me energy but only to engage in obsessive behaviours like binge eating chocolate or sending angry messages.

your right it’s not just the self care I’ve lost Interest in most aspects of life not interested in decorating or tidying as the spark has gone.

Last 3 years I’ve tried to ask for Referal for tms ( magnetic brain stimulation) and psychiatrist hasn’t done it .
last thing I might try is methylphenidate which is a ADHD stimulant but can be used off label for depression .