Let myself go

[warmmfeet]

I have really let myself go since having my boys. They are full on, they're 2 and 4. I've gained a stone and I just feel like they need me so much, I never seem to make time or have the inclination to try to make myself look nice. I don't really know where to start.

I ended up looking at some photos from 10 or so years ago yesterday and I can't believe the difference.

Does this get easier or am I so out of the habit now with different priorities I will never look nice again?!! I'm 40 by the way.

Feel free to tell me to get a grip, I probably need it

You need to get back into the habit, make your health a propriety for the future.
Start with a basic cleanse/toner/moisturiser routine twice a day. Look at adding in a vit C serum in the morning, and retinol in the evening if you need it.
Try and use hand cream a couple of times a day, keep it by the sinks.
Put on a cuticle oil while you’re watching TV once/twice a week. Painting my nails helps make me feel like I’ve made the effort. Slap a foot cream on once a week before bed.
Then find an exercise you like and do it, make it a habit, and organise your childcare so there’s no excuse not to go.

Stop eating between meals and make your partner sort you some time to go and exercise. There- easy

I feel your pain OP, it’s crept up on me and I sudden realise how much I need to do to get back to myself. At the moment I’m just trying to gradually add in new habits each morning/day as I have a history of being a bit all or nothing, then crash and burning. For me, there’s no quick fix but I’m just spending more time doing my hair, make up and choosing clothes so I at least start to feel a bit more taken care of. Fake it till you make it….

It does get easier! I was a single parent to 2 very demanding (but lovely) children, I look better at 52 than I did at 42!

You've already had some good advice but I just wanted to reassure you that there will be a time when you feel like you again.
And yes, if you have a partner please make sure you are getting the child free time you need op.

I never seem to make time

you need to stop convincing yourself of this. You will have time.

what is your diet like?
Every day… shower, moisturise face etc?

I hear you - me too! I start work (WFH) at 0630, breaking the working day to get DD up and off to school and back home at 1700. I am 'on' and busy from 0630 until I sit down after supper at 2030. Then in bed at 2130. I'm knackered and look it. 2 dress sizes bigger, greying, no makeup.

I am TRYING to fit in exercise (was easier in the summer with light mornings, I was doing couch to 5k going for a run at 0600) and am also trying to do a beginners yoga class online whilst my supper cooks (Yoga with Kassandra). But its HARD!

You've not let yourself go, you've created two small human beings and I bet you're working harder than you've ever worked in your life - of course you're going to look and feel different. Yes it gets easier physically (although not, I would argue, emotionally - it might be overwhelming when they need you so much but wait until they don't need you any more!)

I disagree with some other posters in that I don't think you 'need' to do anything beyond taking care of your physical and mental health. I would definitely prioritise your weight as that isn't just about your looks, it affects your health, plus the longer you leave it, the harder it's going to be to tackle it.

Beyond that, I'd just try and find a bit more time for yourself and the things you enjoy and, if that includes clothes, skincare and grooming then that's great, and you'll get lots of tips on here. But equally, if for the time being you'd rather just have an extra ten minutes in bed then don't beat yourself up about it.

If it helps, I've gone back to being as obsessed with clothes as I ever was!

Thank you everyone for the tips and advice. Im going to start with some today.
I think a big part of it is my eldest still doesn't sleep well and gets up at 5am, which takes a toll, I do try to go to bed early!

Comforting I'm not alone. I think I'll start with hand cream and smaller portions. I absolutely don't want to compromise my health or get any larger. Choosing clothes the night before also (like I do for my kids!)

I'm sure you still look nice - we all probably looked better 10 years ago!

A stone isn't a lot but of course one, can lead to two, etc. so try and address that, maybe by eating planned meals and no snacking. When the children are young it's so easy to skip proper meals and snack on toast etc.

Assuming you have a partner, set aside a time before bed to have your shower and moisturise whatever, so you feel good. Also, sort out your clothes, get rid of tat, and always have clean clothes available e.g. a fresh t shirt/top for every day, it just get the day off to a positive start, IMO.

Find the time!

I think most women have what I describe as 'the wilderness years', small children, no time, little money (see children!) and sort of lose themselves. As the blood sucking little monsters grow you will find a little more time for yourself, do something with it that makes you feel happy/content, whatever floats your boat. You do have to be a bit tough though, ie, partner pulls weight with the mundane shit of life, teach kids to help as well, you are not a servant.

You will 'refind' yourself, just not all at once, If I were in your position I would try and tackle the weight loss first, hopefully that will give you a good boost.

My kids have left. I’m fitter slimmer and hotter than I was then! 53