Hollywood wax pain, need perspective

[Pandasandflowers]

First of all I want to stress this: I like my esthetician a lot. She's fab and always makes me comfortable. She wasn't being an arse at all. So when I couldn't go through with the hollywood, also I only got one leg done, it was horribly painful, she was trying to get me to go ahead by encouragement and said things about how I have more pain coming my way in life like giving birth and this is nothing (I'm 30f, recently married, no kids yet). So my question is (forgive if I sound ignorant, it's difficult on here to word correctly what I want to ask, and I'm being really careful not to cause offence)...

While I know and fully appreciate that giving birth is excruciatingly painful (I hold so much admiration for all mums and giving birth is something I hope to do in the next couple of years), those of you who have given birth who would NOT/could not go through waxing (legs or anywhere for that matter), what makes you not able to handle it? She said I need to be strong and I won't handle childbirth if I can't handle a wax and I need to take pain in life as my child will suffer if I am weak in life, but then I know there are thousands of mums who would scoff at the idea of a wax and be adamant that they are never putting themselves through the pain. Is shaving not a chore for you? Are you happy with it and you just deal with ingrowns, fast regrowth etc. Do you not care?

This sounds ridiculous I know, but it's got me thinking she's right, if I can't handle pain, how will my child be strong in life? Since becoming a mother you would obviously muster up every ounce of strength to do anything for your child but what about other painful things? What is your perspective on them and please tell me if there are other things apart from waxing that you find are easy to do since becoming a mum and having your life changed by a child who relies on you for everything. Hope this makes sense, I just feel weak and pathetic at the mo, got some ice on my red legs and feel crap that I can't even deal with a wax while there are amazing women out there who give birth and are mothers. Thanks! x

Am I right in understanding you have never had your legs waxed and you’ve gone straight in for a full leg and Hollywood? No wonder you were overwhelmed.

For me, the most painful area is around the ankles where there’s very little flesh or fat, and I think there are more nerve endings. If it was so painful and you can hear other clients from the waiting room, it’s possible she’s got terrible waxing technique. She might be good at eyebrows, but shit at waxing.

But to your waxer’s point, she is being ridiculous. The two things are in no way comparable and having trouble tolerating the pain of a bikini wax is no indication of what kind of mother you will make. She sounds like a bullying drill sergeant!

Have you considered just not getting waxed?
If you feel social pressure to be hairless, being able to withstand that, and padding that strength on to your children would be much more powerful than being able to deal with entirely unnecessary pain.

I had the drip with a back to back baby. It was bloody painful but you have to get on with it because you can't leave the baby in there

I have had both (kids and a Hollywood). Nothing, and I mean nothing, would tempt me to have another Hollywood. I'm used to waxes but that was off the scale painful.

I guarantee that your ability to tolerate waxing has zero bearing on your ability to cope in labour - your beautician is a nutcase.

BTW look into IPL machines - expensive but a good and pain free alternative to waxing if you don't like shaving. Loads of threads on MN about them.

You got all this from your waxer? She shouldn't have said all those things about being strong and weak she doesn't know wtf she's talking about. I had one Hollywood once and I screamed. Laser was actually less painful which I've since had done. Child birth for me was yes painful but nothing to do with a frigging wax.

Your waxer sounds absolutely batshit and obsessed with childbirth! I can't even imagine why you would introduce childbirth into the conversation during a waxing appointment. Bananas, and very unprofessional

I used to get Hollywoods, but had to stop because I couldn't take the pain. I've been getting full leg and bikini line for years and that's fine. I think you went too hard and too fast for your first wax OP. Maybe just try half leg next time, and with a different waxer!

Why not just trim you bush and show how strong you are by not bowing to porn based societal norms?

Yeah, you definitely did too much for your first wax.

Two births, no pain relief, and I have Hollywood waxes all the time, no issues. I cry when I stub my toe, though. 🤷‍♀️

I wax myself and honestly, it shouldn't hurt. It really shouldn't. If you let it get too long some bits around the labia may hurt a little, but honestly I don't understand how it can hurt that much if it's being done right.

Is she doing it little by little or is she trying to do huge chunks at a time?

@Pandasandflowers I am sorry but this is just nonsense. Get yourself to a new salon or just accept you might need a different sort of wax.

One, childbirth is very different. Your body preps for it and plus the pain receptors are fewer and different within the muscle and birth canal, than sensitive outer bits.

Second what a horrible thing to say to another woman.

@Pandasandflowers if I'm honest, childbirth maybe gave me techniques to manage pain better, I mean it is a really long time in a lot of pain so you do get a lot better at breathing exercises, for example. But it's still such a silly comparison for her to make. There are no medals!

So much this. So much.

There are lots of people suffer from Tokophobia, it sounds like that’s maybe what you have. There are lots of posts on the childbirth section about it all the time and lots of people request a csection due to the anxiety it causes. I’ve done it twice and had an amazing experience, wouldn’t of had my kids otherwise

Hi OP.

I regularly get waxed, and sometimes when I can't get an appointment with my preferred waxer I wax my own bits with cold wax strips that I buy in the supermarket. I have at times also used an epilator and a home IML machine. I have also given birth twice, once by emergency C-section and once vaginally.

The most important thing to note here is that waxing is completely optional. You don't have to do it. You don't have to wax your legs, you don't have to wax your bikini line, you don't have to wax any part of your body if you don't want to. Get a razor and shave, get it lasered off, or just let it grow wild and free, the choice is yours.

Someone who gets paid to wax hair off people's bodies for a living who tells you that you need to learn to handle the pain is unprofessional and stupid, and someone who is unprofessional and stupid is not someone you want to be putting hot wax on your genitals. She is only thinking of herself, not you. Of course she wants you to think that waxing off your body hair is necessary. If fewer people thought it was necessary she would be out of work.

Maybe you find waxing very painful because you have sensitive skin. Or maybe it's because this waxer isn't very good. Feel free to try again with another waxer, or not, the choice is yours.

One thing is for certain, there is no correlation between being able to tolerate waxing and being able to cope with childbirth. It is a completely different kind of pain. One is pain from having your hairs ripped out of their follicles (and the only benefit is having smooth skin for a week or two before the hair starts to grow back again), and the other is pain from your uterus contracting to make your cervix dilate to 10cm. The two things are not even remotely comparable. Plenty of women who can't bear the pain of waxing or have no interest in waxing have successfully given birth without pain relief. And then there are women like me who can wax their own pubic area without flinching but got a lovely lovely epidural to take away the pain of childbirth.

Oh, and that's the other thing. If labour hurts too much you can just get an epidural. Unless your waxer is also an anaesthetist who is offering you an epidural as part of the service she can fuck right off with her ignorant comments.

@itsmyp4rty "Why not just trim you bush and show how strong you are by not bowing to porn based societal norms?"

@Pandasandflowers
So much this! What an amazing example to your children you'll be if you show them you don't have to conform!

@continentallentil thank you for making my Saturday with this gem - wonderful

Would you ask a philosopher to wax your undercarriage? No. So don’t expect a beautician to provide you with the meaning of life.

Agree with PPs, forget all this angst and just go to a competent beauty therapist.

Thank you ladies for all your comments. Shaved my other leg yesterday that I didn't get waxed, popped a lovely midi dress on and went out in the last weekend of scorching heat. Haven't worn a dress all summer because I hate shaving and waxing is too painful.

I might just stick with a razor and a good aloe vera gel, I'm much happier that way and have been feeling a sense of relief since deciding not to get waxed anymore. I'm just going to accept that if you can't hack it, you can't, simple.

Especially relieved to see there are plenty of mums who don't wax and it has nothing to do with pain tolerance of giving birth, so I shouldn't have let esthetician get in my head. I think she was just trying to get me through it because she knew how much I wanted to be smooth and lovely this weekend when I said I plan on wearing a dress. Enjoy the rest of the weekend and roll on the colder nights, this heat is starting to make me feel bloody ill! Looking forward to sitting in my trousers covering my hairy legs and having cuppas again 😂 x