Feel lost with clothes shopping.

[Ulotreto]

Hi,

I’m currently in a rut with finding my style and clothes shopping. I’m 44 years old and I live in sports leggings and t-shirts at the weekend and wear black skinny jeans and more smarter tops for work during the week. I keep cancelling social outings as I have no idea what to wear.

I’m 5’7 and a size 10-12 with no cleavage and a mum tum after a c-section.

My town doesn’t have much shops to try on things and my budget is low/ high street end. I’ve tried on a few pairs of Mom jeans but they look awful on me and I have no idea what to wear on my feet with them.

Also, my teenage son has completely no interest in clothing and I need to buy him some new bottoms/joggers. At 15 is he too old for wearing black joggers?! He needs something a bit smarter when we go out for dinner/occasions. Is it baggy jeans that are in fashion for teens? He doesn’t like sports brands. I’ve bought him some combat trousers from next last year which he didn’t wear and has now grown out of. He is 5’10 in height so no longer fitting the kids clothes.

Sorry for the massive story!

Mom jeans only look good on people who are slim, anyone with a tummy is going to look bigger.

Would you consider buying second hand? Mid-level brands on Vinted, Depop, eBay etc can be really helpful here. Particularly for you 15yo. Yesterday I bought my teen a pair of Carhartt jeans for £18 - if DS was getting them new he’d have paid £65+.

You can’t not go to social things - that’s your priority. Focus on treating yourself to a full outfit.

Start by people watching and look out for women of a similar height and build to you who you think look great.

Analyse what you admire about them. Are they chic like Parisienne women or slightly boho like Helen Bonham Carter? Do they wear layers and lots of jewellery or simple sheath dresses with a fitted jacket? Block colours or prints? Neutrals or vibrant colours?

Get some basics that you can wear in lots of different ways. A good pair of chinos, well cut, can look very smart or very casual depending on what you put with them.

I love dresses. A good dress can make you look like you thought about your outfit but it takes two seconds to put on. With tights, boots and cardigans they can work in winter or bare legs and sandals, in summer, heels and jewellery for occasions. I get more compliments in a good dress than any other item of clothing and there's no faffing working out what co-ordinates. Buy yourself a few dresses. High streets can be great for these. I've seen gorgeous dresses in Zara, H&M and Stories for around £30-60.

I agree with pp about mom jeans in my experience as someone with a bit of a tum myself they don’t look good on me as they only accentuate it and I don’t feel good in them. In terms of jeans maybe head to Primark where there is a massive jeans section and take loads of different styles of jeans to try on and see what you like and what would work with what you already have.

Charity shops can be a great way to update your wardrobe, try new styles and find good clothes. Head to the ones in the nice areas where you live as there is more chance of finding the good brands but don’t discount the shops that are t in these areas as you can find some gems if you look hard enough and know the brands to look for.

Pinterest is worth a look and what helps me is if I look for outfits based around one item of clothing rather than looking for say a winter outfit.

Thanks for everyone’s helpful replies.

I would happily buy from Vinted, but when I open up the app, I have no idea what to look for, for either myself or son. Think my peri-menopausal brain is affecting me just now!

That’s good to know that the mom jeans don’t suit people with a bit a larger stomach. I will avoid them from now on! It’s where most of my weight goes on unfortunately.

I have a few winter style dresses and will happily wear those with black tights and boots. I’m just not confident to wear dresses in summer with my legs and troll feet on show. Roll on winter!

I will try H&M, River island an Primark for jeans again. No Zara here sadly.

Do you have a John Lewis that you can travel to? They do personal shopper service which someone I know thought was brilliant. She hates shopping but did that and got a whole new work wardrobe from it.

I am exactly the same height and size as you with a bit of a tum, and I wear wide leg jeans and trousers from M and S and Uniqlo. Mom jeans look terrible on moms!

I would try to put together a capsule wardrobe with some very simple pieces, and then dress them up with accessories whilst you're still finding your style.

You could try Google for articles and inspiration for "capsule wardrobes for women in their 40s" or search something along those lines.

Or use Instagram for inspiration. cbstyled, instyle_helen, and 40notfrumpy would all be good accounts for you to follow I think!

You may find these threads helpful, @Ulotreto

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4903688-what-is-everyone-wearing-45-plus?reply=129402137

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4904027-feel-so-deflated-after-the-shops-today?reply=129411782

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4896414-autumn-cord-where-are-the-good-bits?reply=129201613

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4903661-autumn-winter-for-the-sartorially-challenged?reply=129402820

I don’t even think Mom jeans are nice on young, slim women. I wouldn’t have touched them in my 20s, never mind now!