SOS! 65yr old female desperate for advice...

[neoli]

I have short hair which my hairdresser says suits me. It is coloured and I have it redone about every 6 weeks and although the shade is fine etc, I'm finding that I just can't be bothered with all the faff anymore and would really prefer to start letting the natural grey grow in but no idea how that happens or if it will just look horrific during the process, or if I should ask for a soft grey shade or something to help usher full grey in. Not sure I explained that very well but I hope you know what I mean. DH very resistant to the idea but I think that's just because he doesn't like the idea of being married to a woman with grey hair!

Also trying to really minimise expenditure but want a decent skin care range that doesn't involve serums and all the other paraphernalia. My skin is in really good condition as is, I just feel ready for a change. Rarely wear make up as rarely go anywhere these days but if I do decide to wear it, I keep it to a minimum.

Already working on downsizing my wardrobe and pairing up clothing to make around half a dozen ready-to-go outfits so feel like I'm accomplishing something on that front.

It's just the hair issue I'm struggling with. I would continue going to my hairdresser for regular cuts, just don't really want to continue with the colouring process.

Has anyone my age abandoned all colouring and allowed the natural grey to come through and if so, how did you find that process and are you happy you've done it or did you go back to colouring and if so why?

And any recommendations for skincare would be appreciated. I'd prefer something for dry/sensitive skin but honestly don't want serums/peptides/soap or foaming anything. Prefer a cleansing lotion I can apply and wipe off. Reason I can't be fussed anymore is I have arthritis in my right hand (I am right-handed) and it's becoming increasingly worse so I find it awkward and painful following anything more than a simple uncomplicated regime, plus the cost of everything is becoming a real issue too.

Thanks to anyone who might reply...

For the hair I'd say just go for it. It's short, so even if it doesn't look great it won't last long until all the colour has been cut out and then you'll never have to go through it again (unless you go back to colour at some point). As for DH, unless he has the same head of hair he had when you first met tell him that being married to a man who's bald/grey isn't that great either, but them's the breaks.

For a cleanser (and toner if you want) look at Fine Flowers. There's a cleansing milk or a cream. And this for a does it all moisturiser.

An effective skincare brand that’s effective,
no nonsense, loved by dermatologists, comes in large pack sizes, no fragrance, has pump dispensers is Cerave.

I love their moisturising lotion in the pump bottle and use it on face and body. Absorbs quickly. Cheap for 200ml bottle.

CeraVe is on offer in Boots right now, 20%off. You could get their Micellar Water and Moisturising Lotion for £20 and they’ll last you 4 or 5 months.

I struggle with the hair color issue too. I have decided that when I decide it is time for me to stop coloring my hair I will let it grow out a little and then get a buzz cut. Cut all the colored hair off and let it grow back gray!

I've short hair that I recently grew the colour out as the bleach was too harsh and brassy. So similar process, I let it grow out about 1-1.5 inches then got some sparse thickish highlights to break up the roots, these were sort of mid way between the bleach and my natural colour. Then I grew it out about another 2 inches had even fewer highlights to break up the front, and even closer to my natural color. Then just let it grow out til it was all cut out. The contrast of the roots would have driven me made otherwise but it depends on how you feel.

What I would say is I liked my natural colour but it was very flat, so I kept getting highlights but very few predominantly around my face.

Covid lockdowns were my answer to helping decide to grow out the grey. I think my natural colour did used to be dark brown/auburn (but has been coloured & highlighted for years) so regrowth was nasty & I got int that loop too of always needing to colour it. Anyway, along came Covid, hairdressers etc were unavailable & although it initially was only about 3mths it was long enough for me to decide to leave it. I occasionally put some toner through it, once or twice I might have tried those root colour crayons - then I quit that hairdresser (another story, but not bad) & now my hair is salt & pepper grey in the back, grey around my temples & its fine. So just start, dont be tempted to go back - but keep up the condition & cut of your hair. And before you know it, it will all be natural & grey. I love mine now, wish I'd been brave enough to tell my stylist then & not just let her keep going with recommendations & colours every 5-6 weeks.

It can take up to a year, depending how long your hair is and how quickly it grows.

To get back to natural hair colour, start to use a lighter colour and maybe add highlights each time when touching up, allow more time between colouring so hair grows out more, maybe use a rinse rather than a dye, and then go for a bold short cut a few months down the line to get rid of any dyed hair left.

I'm almost the same age as you. I stopped colouring my hair around 12 years ago, just couldn't be bothered anymore. Hair has just slowly gone grey, still not completely but getting there.

For skin care all I use is cetraban moisturiser. I don't bother with any fancy lotions or potions. My skin is really good as well.

I think that a block colour can look quite ageing and like a PP I decided during the last lockdown to change from a dyed (my natural colour to cover the grey) brunette to blonde. Dying to my natural colour was beginning to look too dark and I was so fed up with having to worry about roots showing through. I hardly remember the process now, but it wasn’t too painful, my hair was only above shoulder length.

I now have lots of white blonde highlights, and have loved being grey blonde, although in recent months I haven’t really had the desire to keep the highlights going, so I will see how many I need now just to add some interest to my natural colour.

I did have a very short haircut recently, which I am growing out, as short and grey felt ageing for me, partly because I suddenly looked just like my darling Mum (literally - we could be sisters) who has never coloured her hair, or used anything other than soap and water and a bit of hand cream on her face as and when needed!

Have you considered talking to your hairdresser about this? I did and he totally put me off. The dye helps with texture apparently and mine has a frizzy coarse texture now which is smoothed due to the dying process. I was prepared for grey hair (the parting looks white as it grows back) but not the unruly texture.

@Gymnopedie Thanks for the recommendations! I've ordered some and will see how it works for me.

@narniabusiness I hadn't considered what the texture of my hair might be if I stopped colouring! So will definitely speak to my hairdresser about it - I'm due for a cut in a week or so. Thanks for that tip.

To everyone else, thank you for your own responses, tips and warnings. I appreciate every reply.

It was lockdown that did it for me too. I’d started having terrible sinus headaches after dyeing as well.
I had my hair coloured in the December, then the pandemic struck and it was August before I had a proper cut. I went for a short pixie and there was virtually no grey left by then.

I liked the idea of going grey but found that my hair isn’t grey enough if you know what I mean, so I still colour mine.

I use Nivea cream, the thick cream in the blue tin at night and the day face cream with sunscreen during the day. The soft cream in the white tub is a great all round moisturiser for face and body.

That's interesting.

I find that every time I dye my hair, it ups the volume and as it fades, my hair begins to return to its normal fine / thin condition. I worked with someone who does hairdressing on the side and she said similar, depending on the colour of course

I love the naturally silver look on full voluminous hair but I know mine would look flat and dull grey! I'll keep embracing the purple....

Sorry its taken me so long to return - been unwell for a week or so and although I logged in a few times this week I couldn't find my post in order to update! I finally found it and just wanted to say I went to my hairdresser yesterday and spoke to her about letting the grey come through. She suggested 'reducing the base' in the colour I do have and see how I feel about that, so she did that for me as well as cut it and I have to admit I like the shade better as it feels softer and warmer but not pale or washed out, if you know what I mean. She said take it to Christmas (I already have my October & Christmas appointments booked in) and if I still feel the same about allowing the grey to come through she'll start to address that from my first appointments in the new year. But I do like the colour it is now so may stick with it for the time being. Something else she recommended was not to use conditioner since I'm fortunate enough to have naturally quite thick hair in good condition and adding product unneccessarily would just make my hair 'heavy' and dull. Not sure how I feel about that as all the magazines/ads you see recommend conditioner/conditioning treatments/masks etc to stop hair from drying out, protect colour and so on. A couple of months back I bought the same shampoo she uses on me in the salon as its very light, a little goes a long way, it smells wonderful and doesn't make my scalp itch at all. I'll next wash my hair on Saturday during my morning shower but won't use conditioner and see how it feels over the weekend...

Regarding skincare, the lady I spoke to in my local Boots pharmacy thought the CeraVe might be too rich/heavy for my skin type so in the end I opted for good quality aloe vera-based face wash and moisturising gel and both have helped enormously (the AV is soothing, has toned down the redness in my face plus it hasn't caused any itchiness). Its not a Boots brand either so she wasn't pushing their own stuff. I think its called Eclat. I bought and started using those itmes within a day or so of my original SOS, and am really happy with them

If you decide to let the colour grow out, I did that ages ago and my hair is a rather nice silver - I wouldn't go back to having it coloured. I see lots of older women with grey hair who look fantastic. Plus no more spending hours at the hairdresser and paying a small fortune for it! I think more and more women are doing this now.