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Anyone up for a ‘fashion in my 30s’ thread?

123 replies

Jamtartforme · 16/08/2023 11:16

Because I feel a bit too old for cycling shorts and crop tops, but too young for Next and Boden.

I like the look of Nobody’s Child and of course I have my beloved ASOS but was wondering if anyone fancied a chat thread for new ideas…

OP posts:
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Purplehearts9066 · 19/08/2023 15:50

Thank you that's really sweet!

Do you feel like you have a sense of your own personal style, of what you like wearing and feel good in? Do you feel you have the "building blocks" to put outfits together?

It took me a long time to find my own style & feel confident in it, though.

I wore some absolutely horrific combinations for years and had a wardrobe full of stuff that didn't make sense together & I didn't actually feel good in. I mean, I love cutesy styles on other women I really do but frilly floral mini skirts and flouncy pink blouses are 100% not me...I have realised that now... they make me look like I've squeezed into children's clothes to sneak into a 6 year olds birthday party 😭

So being a bit more organised & purposeful has done me the world of good. Even if my DP thinks I'm a bit weird for using an app to photograph my clothes...

blondie87 · 19/08/2023 16:45

I think changing careers from needing to be smart to wfh has made me prioritise comfort at the expense of style, coupled with young kids!

I think I find it hard to put outfits together and really optimise what I already own!

Callmesleepy · 19/08/2023 17:04

I think the point about smart building blocks that you can tweak is a really good one. If you have a basic silhouette and key items to make it you can then tweak an item at a time and change accessories but it will still look good.

Damn pregnancy and breastfeeding shape changes though! What suits me changed so much.

hdbs17 · 19/08/2023 17:09

Tesco.

I shop at Tesco.

Whatsthepoint1234 · 19/08/2023 17:16

@hdbs17 I bought clothes from Poundland the other day…

MidnightMeltdown · 19/08/2023 17:55

Oooh @Purplehearts9066 I haven't seen those French brands before, will have to have a look!

I love French clothing, but I really don't like COS and & Other Stories. I guess that Swedish style clothes just aren't my thing.

I've tried on a few bits before, but everything seems to shapeless and/or poorly fitting. Lots of high necklines which don't really work if you have boobs. I guess that they're designed for a certain type of figure.

Purplehearts9066 · 19/08/2023 20:25

MidnightMeltdown · 19/08/2023 17:55

Oooh @Purplehearts9066 I haven't seen those French brands before, will have to have a look!

I love French clothing, but I really don't like COS and & Other Stories. I guess that Swedish style clothes just aren't my thing.

I've tried on a few bits before, but everything seems to shapeless and/or poorly fitting. Lots of high necklines which don't really work if you have boobs. I guess that they're designed for a certain type of figure.

If you like French brands also look at BA&SH, Sezane & Sandro. I really like Isabel Marant too but often too pricey even second hand although I do find the odd bargain on Vinted!

Yes, I think you're right on them being cut for a certain body type.

The high neck thing works well for me as I have no boobs 🤣 I love COS basics- basic tees, hoodies, tailored trousers . But I do avoid the super oversize or overly trendy stuff.

On the whole I find a lot of the COS stuff does hang really well on me & looks a lot less shapeless on than it appears on the hanger. But I have a straight, narrow figure & am quite tall. I think their stuff would be a lot less flattering with boobs/hips to accommodate or if you're petite and liable to being overwhelmed!

Purplehearts9066 · 19/08/2023 20:57

blondie87 · 19/08/2023 16:45

I think changing careers from needing to be smart to wfh has made me prioritise comfort at the expense of style, coupled with young kids!

I think I find it hard to put outfits together and really optimise what I already own!

Ahh I hear this .

It's no good having a wardrobe full of sharp suits and cocktail dresses if that doesn't work for your lifestyle.

I used to see a distinction between "nice clothes" and "slouching around the house" clothes. I put effort and more expense into buying the former & had a LOT of really lovely formal dresses which I rarely wore (spoiler alert - my life is not an endless series of cocktail parties and balls). But "anything would do" when it came to the clothes I actually spend the most time in. So badically I looked amazing 2% of the time when there was any reason to dress up & like a homeless Ian Beale the rest of the time 🤣

I ended up buying higher quality casual stuff in colours that suit me & conplement other clothes i own so items can be mixed & matched with dressier bits (ie a smart black hoodie can actually work really well with tailored trousers and a nice coat). I got some amazing sweaters (love Everlane for these) and Zara co-ords and a few pairs of smart joggers. I tried to choose cuts I know are better on me - like I don't look great in tapered trousers so I got joggers with a slight flare.

This has REALLY helped with overcoming that "nothing to wear" feeling & with feeling like a slob in every non-formal setting!

blondie87 · 19/08/2023 21:21

That is a really great way to view it. Thank you!!

Purplehearts9066 · 20/08/2023 01:25

Mariposa123 · 18/08/2023 08:23

I took the plunge last week and bought some high rise flared jeans off vinted. Despite making me feel like I’m dressing like my teenage, skatery self they’re amazingly comfortable. I’m unsure what to wear them with, other than my failsafe stripy t shirt. I tried with a collar shirt and felt I looked a bit 70s. Any thoughts?

Haha this made me laugh, my first (as in first in my 30s) pair of flared jeans made me feel the same way. I was a gothy/skatery teenager & made me feel 15 again. Was half tempted to pair them with a pair of fishnet tights on my arms 🤣 but then did the boring grown up thing of wearing with a cashmere polo neck instead. My teenage self would be disgusted.

Purplehearts9066 · 20/08/2023 01:30

Jamtartforme · 16/08/2023 11:27

Ah, great to have some company!

Although I also recently shocked myself by buying a wedding guest from Abercrombie and Fitch

That would shock me too 😉 on a serious note, I actually really like a lot of stuff from Abercrombie and Hollister - minus the enormous logos of course as this isn’t 2010 and I’m not 16!

I really need to start only buying things I really like, and really scrutinising them before buying, rather than being taken in by a cheaper price/nice pattern only to realise it doesn’t flatter me and is not stylable with other things I have.

I should be getting a lump of money through soon so my plan is to ditch 90% of my wardrobe and start again, and to actually draw up a list of exactly what I want and stick to it.

I find a good tool for buying is to think, ‘Would I put this on NOW?’ And if the answer is no, don’t buy it. I’m guilty of buying (for example) a nice occasion dress despite the fact I have no upcoming weddings, or something that ‘I wouldn’t put on now but will have the confidence to wear if I shave/tan/style my hair a certain way’. Then I never have the time to do those things!

This is such good advice.
Another rule I've been following lately:
Would I feel comfortable wearing this when I'm bloated 🤣
I get a lot of bloating and I had so many clothes I only felt good in when I wasn't bloated.
After a wardrobe cull, I can honestly say that 90% of my clothes are bloat friendly!!

Yetisrus29 · 20/08/2023 07:56

Jamtartforme · 16/08/2023 11:16

Because I feel a bit too old for cycling shorts and crop tops, but too young for Next and Boden.

I like the look of Nobody’s Child and of course I have my beloved ASOS but was wondering if anyone fancied a chat thread for new ideas…

I'm mid-40s and can honestly say I don't own a single thing from Boden. I spent my 30s married and a frump. After separating, my 40s were when I refound 'my style'.

But I'm enjoying this thread. it's given me inspiration to get rid of clothes I no longer wear, why do I need pencil skirts and a suit when my office is casual and I've not worn a suit to an interview in years (I wore a nice dress last time and got the job).

littleteapot86 · 20/08/2023 10:12

oooh loving this thread! I'm 37, would say my style inspirations are Audrey Hepburn and Dita Von Teese... except you'd never know as I spend most of my time (well my non-work time) in a Sweaty Betty jumpsuit... haha. I do have two young kids in fairness so i'm either in the kitchen, at the park or at a soft play.

There's another thread on here about clothes being crap quality and that's totally linked to my struggle with getting nice clothes. :-(

Caffeinatedmama · 20/08/2023 23:54

@littleteapot86 I hear you on the kitchen-soft play-park loop, with a few baby groups thrown in.

I just wondered if anyone else is finding their post baby self hard to dress? (BF access and emcs scars to consider) im just squishy all over now, same dress size as before dc, and yet, not quite the same? secretly longing for the skimming flattery of a long line top circa 2012, but please don't throw me off thread for that 😅

grumpycow1 · 20/08/2023 23:57

I love the blogger Wears My Money (she’s on Instagram) - this is the style I want to create as I’m heading to late 30s! Equally I do also get more of a ‘wear what I like, sod what people think’ mentality as I age, so that’s been nice.

Mariposa123 · 21/08/2023 09:21

Yes i follow her (saw someone suggest her on another thread) and like her style. Another one I like is Alex Davies - she’s American but her style seems quite European.

I also find I can dress well when it’s really warm and when it’s cold, but I struggle in the in between days. I need to invest in a new coat I think - I’m still wear my pregnancy coat that’s just too big for me and not even that warm. I want a stylish wool one!

Jamtartforme · 21/08/2023 13:56

So badically I looked amazing 2% of the time when there was any reason to dress up & like a homeless Ian Beale the rest of the time

Nail on head. I don’t look good dressed down, my features and build just don’t lend themselves to casual wear but look great with a bit of makeup and something tailored/dressy. I look a bit like a (less beautiful) Olena Zelenska, figure wise I’m slim with big boobs but a flat bum and hip dips.

I’m having a chilled day today after a busy weekend so while baby naps I’ve got a couple of bin bags and am going through my clothes with a critical eye. Anything that wouldn’t make me feel good if I put it on NOW is going in the bag for charity/recycling.

I’m not buying anything right now as I feel I need to get a kind of plan together about what to buy, from where, what’s its for and how I will style it. There are lots of great suggestions here so thanks for making them, I love the cream top and have saved the link.

I also agree about the jewellery, I need a few nice solid gold bits that will compliment most of the things I wear, and to stop with cheaper ‘fashion’ jewellery which go tarnished and yuck very easily.

What does everyone make of Saint and Sofia, has anyone bought from them before?

OP posts:
littleteapot86 · 21/08/2023 14:09

I've only bought from Saint and Sofia once - a pair of jersey type trousers. They bobbled really quickly, I wasn't impressed with the quality at all.

Purplehearts9066 · 21/08/2023 18:46

Jamtartforme · 21/08/2023 13:56

So badically I looked amazing 2% of the time when there was any reason to dress up & like a homeless Ian Beale the rest of the time

Nail on head. I don’t look good dressed down, my features and build just don’t lend themselves to casual wear but look great with a bit of makeup and something tailored/dressy. I look a bit like a (less beautiful) Olena Zelenska, figure wise I’m slim with big boobs but a flat bum and hip dips.

I’m having a chilled day today after a busy weekend so while baby naps I’ve got a couple of bin bags and am going through my clothes with a critical eye. Anything that wouldn’t make me feel good if I put it on NOW is going in the bag for charity/recycling.

I’m not buying anything right now as I feel I need to get a kind of plan together about what to buy, from where, what’s its for and how I will style it. There are lots of great suggestions here so thanks for making them, I love the cream top and have saved the link.

I also agree about the jewellery, I need a few nice solid gold bits that will compliment most of the things I wear, and to stop with cheaper ‘fashion’ jewellery which go tarnished and yuck very easily.

What does everyone make of Saint and Sofia, has anyone bought from them before?

I relate to this! I have a different figure in that I'm small chested with a bit of a bum. But I have quite sharp strong features & as a result look much better in tailored clothing & "matchy" outfits. Always wished I could be one of those girls who chucks on a thrown together, artfully mismatched set of seperates and looks all sexy boho chic. But nope I look like I've been rifling through the local church's charity bin when I attempt it.

Did find it helpful to bring elements of tailoring into casual outfits. And also just to embrace more "formal" looks day to day because I honestly don't think they look out of place or overly formal on me. So now, I often wear things like Tailored trousers and slightly oversize blazers in casual settings. I just dress down with t-shirts, trainers, jeans etc.

Also found a go to look that generally looks pretty polished even with casual clothing. Sounds boring & probably is but most days I wear a tidy low bun/chignon with a centre part, pearl stud earrings & I minimal foundation/eyebrow shaping. I also get my lashes done every 2-3 weeks. The appointments are a faff I won't deny it. But I rarely feel the need for much make up at all when my lashes look OK, and it just makes me generally feel smarter & better about myself.

Your plan sounds great and very wise! Reading up on closet creation and the fundamentals of a capsule wardrobe in terms of colours and items was really helpful for me. I try now to only buy things that fill a gap I've already identified. And I have to be able to make at least 3 outfits with it using stuff I already own too!

If you're interested, might be worth taking a look at Kibbe too if you haven't already? It's really complex and some find it too restrictive but for me it was a massive help. It helped me understand why some items of clothing I love on the hanger make me feel awful when I put them on. When I'm shopping for clothes now there's a vast swathe of stuff i can rule our almost immediately as I know it isn't going to work for me.

I don't adhere to it super strictly but definitely take the principles of it. For me, I'm a dramatic so it's all about keeping things sharp, tailored, narrow & ensuring a strong vertical line in my outfits as well as a cohesive overall effect.

What I like with Kibbe is I feel it encourages you to lean into the beauty of your frame rather than trying to disguise it. So , most systems would class me as like a column or rectangle or something boyish & straight- then advise me to "create curves" with waist emphasis, or dress in a way that conceals my lack of boobage. But that just makes me feel silly! I'm not curvy and actually I don't think curves would look very cohesive on me anyway, its not how I'm built.
Kibbe helped me see there's actually beauty in striking, sharp looks too.

Purplehearts9066 · 21/08/2023 18:50

littleteapot86 · 21/08/2023 14:09

I've only bought from Saint and Sofia once - a pair of jersey type trousers. They bobbled really quickly, I wasn't impressed with the quality at all.

That's interesting thanks for the heads up! I'd been intending to buy from them at some point but poor quality like that is definitely a deal breaker for me

Purplehearts9066 · 21/08/2023 18:55

Ooh and while were talking about style gurus (I can't bring myself to say influencer I hate the word so much 😭) my favourite is:
https://instagram.com/styled.bysansha?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Maybe a bit too "boring" & minimalist for a lot of people. But I think she just totally nails simple, polished outfits. She's also helped me learn about the importance of stuff like proportions so I can see why certain outfits work and others don't.
For anyone who does like minimalist style with tailored elements she's definitely worth checking out!

Instagram

https://instagram.com/styled.bysansha?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA%3D%3D

Jamtartforme · 21/08/2023 19:01

Thanks Purple, that was a really interesting post, have noted about Kibbe and will have a look.

OP posts:
RockAndRollerskate · 21/08/2023 19:20

Thanks for this thread OP.

It’s so nice to read that I’m not alone in feeling like this.

My husband and I joke that I have a “uniform” of long sleeved jersey tops and skinny jeans (with a denim shirt or leather jacket) and I’ve been that way since my 20s.

Ladies help! What does one wear as an extra layer?! I put a longline cardi on today and I looked so frumpy I threw it in the bin! I’m not sure about casual blazers? Where from?

SpaceRaiders · 21/08/2023 20:34

I’ve never managed to make a longline cardigan work without it looking frumpy, it might just be me. I prefer something with a little more structure like

SpaceRaiders · 21/08/2023 20:48

Not sure what happened there —I meant to add something like a long line soft tailored wool jacket. My style is somewhat similar to that influencer that @Purplehearts9066 posted only my accessories are a little more playful.

In terms of layers, I’m always cold so what works is wear merino tops . Arket and Cos do some super fine knit ones. They’re really lovely in fab colours. I currently have them in black, grey, emerald green and yellow. They’re a great wardrobe staple to dress up or down. Also look into a thin collarless cropped down jacket. I have a couple which are a few years old now but they were from Uniqlo. They’re perfect for slipping under a leather jacket or blazer without adding bulk and ruining an outfit that a sweat shirt might.