Finding new style post baby

[Cashew22]

I'm sure this a question that comes up a lot, but how can I find my style, especially since becoming a parent (my child is 17 months now)? I struggled throughout my adolesce to find clothes that I liked, but sometime in my early 20s, I did manage to come up with a wardrobe that suited me and met my (very picky) standards. It was incredibly formulaic but pretty much worked and meant I never had to figure it out in the morning. Basically my wardrobe consisted of shirts from Seasalt and a single black A-line skirt, or dresses (also mostly from Seasalt), plus a few basics like jeans, t-shirts etc. that I wore when my usual "uniform" wasn't appropriate. I was never fashionable, but it worked.

Now I am a parent and, while I do still like the skirt+shirt combo, it's not really working for me on the regular anymore. I'm currently a SAHM, so I spend a lot of time in my jeans, which are practical but don't really make me happy. Or else I wear my nicer clothes but then I feel like an idiot sitting by the sandpit in what is essentially office wear. I also end up wearing a lot of odds and ends that I don't like but I can't really get rid of because I don't have alternatives. I've never been into trends or fashion, but I often feel very frumpy right now and I'm actually getting really down over it.

A lot of the advice I see seems to centre around looking at mood boards and selecting styles that I like, but I just don't really know what I'm looking for. Or people suggest going through the closet to find the pieces that I love to build a wardrobe around, but I have the same problem with that. There are lots of styles that I like on other people, but wouldn't actually want to wear, or that I like but wouldn't really work with my lifestyle. I'm attracted to feminine, classy clothes, but how does that even work when I spend my days chasing a toddler? I can't dress like Anya Taylor-Joy in Queen's Gambit while standing in the drizzle at the playground...

I'm a size 8-10, biggish bum and boobs but otherwise fairly slim, 5ft7inch tall. I'm very picky and will only wear good quality clothes, mostly in only natural fibres, at least on my top half as cheap clothes with cheap dyes (H&M, Primark, Next, etc.) just make me feel sweaty. I like looking at colourful clothes, but don't enjoy wearing bright colours as it's just not me.

Does anyone have any ideas? Or just solidarity?

I was similar to you (two children and 2 years pp now), and I did the worst thing of rushing to buy stuff I thought I ‘should’ wear, that now I hate and have mostly got rid of.

I used to wear a lot of dresses pre baby, and so just wore the jeans I had, which were all skinny. Didn’t love these but they felt like a mum uniform.

this summer I’ve got more adventurous with my trousers (as I’ve accepted dresses and skirts are still impractical) and found styles/fabrics that I enjoy wearing. Eg I’ve found culottes give me the same silhouette as dresses, but I can get in the floor at toddler groups.

It’s helped me try to be a bit more stylish. I’ve also embraced vinted/charity shops, so I don’t feel I’m spending too much money on revamping my wardrobe.

could you do similar? Look at what you’d like to wear then find styles you can adapt to toddler life?

I did take me until a few months ago for the dog to lift and for me to get back into enjoying clothes though!

Thank you for this. Your experience sounds relatable.

I am trying to avoid buying loads of new things for the reasons you mention, so I am going back through my wardrobe and getting rid of the stuff I really hate, but trying to see whether I can rework some of it for my current life. My problem is that I just genuinely don't know what I like anymore. Plus I was always terrible at putting together outfits. Some of my clothes would probably look great if I knew how to "style" them, but I've never been able to look at an item and know what clothes would look good with it and what different looks could be achieved with the right combinations. I'm just a bit useless with anything style related.

I’ve recently started following style influencers on Instagram for ideas. Obviously not the young trendy ones but ones in styles I like. Or searching on Pinterest if you have. A specific style you like

It doesn’t sound like you are liking jeans so why not try trousers. I had a pair of cashmere trousers that I wore a lot, they were straight leg and a camel colour and I wore them with low key trainers so they werent so “office” and they always looked great with really no effort . I think there are a lot of trousers around now that also have a lot of stretch so you can get down on the floor.

buying second hand is fine if you find the item you want new on a website and then search for that item on vinted or eBay. otherwise you may just waste a good chunk of money on vinted. If you order new you can send back which is great when you’re trying out a new style. When you know your style vinted is great!

for winter I have a lot of cashmere jumpers from hush and a couple of wool and cashmere mix from toast. I wash all of these in the washing machine at 30 and tumble try them on cool and they come out fine - I wear a t shirt underneath incase I get warm!

one other thing I did when I first had children was go for a classic below the knee boden dresses in a couple of prints. I felt like it was what the other mums were doing and I wore with hi waisted leggings. Never was quite my style but served a purpose. I wasn’t sure at the time but when I look back at photos I look great!