Post-divorce makeover ideas

[lifeafterdivorce]

I'm in the early stages of a divorce and want to start to feel better about myself . I am already planning to go back to the gym to drop a dress size and get strong, and will start a yoga and meditation class soon. I already have a good hair cut and will get my teeth whitened. I will work on the basics like diet, less wine, more water etc.

I also want to find a new style but I don't know where to start. I'm 44, and feel like I've aged a lot in the past 5 years. My skin is a bit grey and my face lines are much more noticeable. At the moment I dress reasonably well, in that I buy well cut clothes (brands like Me+Em, Cos, Hobbs) but the overall look is just a bit safe and boring. I wear a lot of tailored trousers and crewneck merino jumpers for work, and leggings and jumpers at home. I'd like to find ideas for clothes that feel a bit younger, more interesting, maybe even sexier. A look that can take me through to a new life after divorce where I feel like a new, better version of myself. Can anyone help? Is this a job for a stylist and if so, how much might it cost and how can I find a suitable person?

Just realised it's probably not very clear what kind of advice I'm looking for! I think it's really inspiration - photos and ideas for different kinds of style that might work for me. I buy nice clothes but don't have a strong look or style identity and I don't really know how to put one together.

You could try a free personal stylist appointment at your local JL. My suggestion would be not to go too fast in finding your new style as otherwise you might make some costly mistakes. What about trying to update your weekend wardrobe for a start in terms of maybe a new style of jeans etc. maybe some new underwear too which if you can afford it is not simply practical but pretty etc etc!

Pinterest is a good place to start for ideas OP. How I tend to use it is to search outfits in terms of one item that I want to really wear or be the focal point of the outfit. For example wide jeans outfits summer or trench coat outfits.

It’s good that you’re feeling so positive!

Is it really necessary to have a ‘strong style identity’? It sounds like a lot of work to maintain! I love clothes but would be hard pushed to summarise my style - I just choose things I like and try to make them work together.

However. One thing your posts indicate (and I see it a lot on MN) is the preponderance of clothes at a particular price point. Which may mean you have nothing really special? Simply put, often when we see someone who looks particularly stylish, they’re wearing something fine. It may not be new, and they may not have paid full price - but it probably began life as something carefully crafted and considered, using a wonderful fabric or extra skilful cutting.

What I’m saying is; rather than buying all your clothes new from (price point) Hobbs, spend the same money but buy one unusually expensive jacket, or pair of shoes and mix with (price point) Zara, or even Primark. (In fact an outfit I wore last year involving new but cost pennies Primark joggers with a very high end jacket and handmade shoes garnered more compliments than I’ve had in a decade.) Mix things up.

When I got divorced I really enjoyed just wearing what I liked, what was comfortable, without caring what anyone thought! ExH wasn’t exactly controlling but he would put me down for ‘dressing like a student’ and in the death throes of our marriage I was conscious of trying to dress to look good for him. Post-divorce I was most definitely back to my student style! I wore brighter colours, I also started wearing my nose stud again and got a tattoo (yes I’m a cliche 🤣)

Agree that you don’t need to go too fast, just look around a few shops, go shopping on your own and just try on loads of things that you actually like.

And take hold of your diet. I know it’s hard at times of stress, where a bottle wine might constitute a satisfying dinner - but a poor diet leads to grey skin. Don’t ‘work at it’ - just stop buying processed food, and increase the size of your weekly veg box. You may not be up to strict intermittent fasting right now (it works!) but try to eat your main meal as early as you can, and don’t cook again until morning. Peppermint tea is your friend here.

I went through a similar update after divorce became final. Gym and a running club for me where I met younger people than me. That sharpened me up.
After losing some weight and toning up I went to a beautician for massage, face treatment and full waxing.
Then I went for clothes. I felt so much stronger.

Thanks all, some good suggestions. @EmmaDial actually this makes more sense, to do the gym, diet etc first and then the clothes after. Maybe for now I can just window shop for a while and try stuff on - the problem is that I always end up buying the same kind of thing, when what I want is to feel different.

@CountryCousin good point - I buy clothes from the expensive high street type of shop because I think it's a short cut to dressing well buy buying good quality. But that is leading to my feeling that everything is a bit samey and safe because it basically is! At the moment I really don't have the eye for picking amazing items, but I suppose I can try and cultivate it. I do IF already - it's the way I've always preferred to eat, with very little later in the afternoon/evening. But I also eat a lot of sugar and drink far too much wine so can definitely make big changes there. Thanks for saying I sound positive - I'm not sure that I feel it but am trying to fake it til I make it....

Perhaps some people have ‘an eye’ - others just know where to shop! It’s just as good to trust the buyer at an excellent store.

If you want to spend some money or gather inspiration you could spend a week browsing the likes of:

Matches Fashion
Browns
Net a Porter
SSense
Vestiaire (high end pre-owned)

Though it’s best to keep on browsing them continuously, to keep your eye in.

Other not High Street places I’m currently adoring include:

Alemais
Alexandra Golovanoff
Cawley Studio
Christian Wijnants
Eat Dust Clothing
Giuliva Heritage
Klements
La Double J
Margaret Howell (always!)
Old Town (though a bit inconvenient)
Petar Petrov
Wendy Nichol

That’s a dozen, the bigger stores above will lead you to more. Keep an open mind, stalk the sales if that’s helpful or fun, and cast out any preconceptions about what’s suitable for your age and / or status.

(As you can see, I really don’t have ‘a style’ - unless Haphazard counts.)

Thank you @CountryCousin for that fabulous list of places to browse. I almost put Margaret Howell in my op as that is definitely the aesthetic I aspire to, but mixed with some more uplifting colours than brown and olive and black. And I live quite near to Old Town, so it's not inconvenient for me! I've meant to go there for a long time but somehow never got round to it. That might be a nice treat for my new post-divorce self. The others are mostly new to me so I will have a good browse and see what might appeal to me - and try to keep an open mind about what might look good on me.

Teeth whitening is the best confidence booster I’m so happy for you it’s in your plan. I got it done at the dentist 18 months ago and fixed a small chip too and I feel MILES better than before and once done it’s relatively cheap to maintain. Best money spent.

Im not getting divorced but I am having some kind of midlife crisis and my thing is piercings… there is something quite satisfying about the needle and the little bit of sparkle. (I might be weird)

Yes @lifeafterdivorce do the window shopping and wait so that you buy for the "New You".

Do you live in or near London?
Go to somewhere like Shepherd Market and Mayfair, see what women there are wearing and actually walking around in. Buy a coffee (shouldn't cost more than 40 Guineas)😃Sit down, relax and watch . Try other areas or smart places.

Well, that was lucky!

<Orders medal for self>

Anyway … If you set aside a couple of hours for the thread below, you’ll find … everything. Culminates in a gobsmacking list of brands, but the whole thread is outstanding:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4753001-can-we-talk-about-clothing-brands-and-target-demographics?reply=124266319

Thank you all for the help - that gives me a good plan to feel more positive about the future. For now, I can start with browsing new brands and websites and take my time about deciding what I want to change. People watching in expensive areas is also a good shout. Meanwhile I can do the quick fixes like teeth whitening - so glad yours has been such a confidence boost @Thinkle that's exactly what I need and am hoping for - and the harder work of healthy choices. And consider piercings and tattoos (I had an eyebrow piercing 20 years ago, and apparently they are on trend for 2023, maybe I can put that back in!) I've also appreciated the comments from those with positive post-divorce stories - very eager to hear those right now....

I signed up to Joe Wicks app, between the food and workouts (plus my weekly class/running) it's completely changed my body. As my mum said "you've changed shape". I've also done the cliche of getting tattoos but to be fair I'd been planning them just hadn't decided what to get

Something I would suggest is going to say Space NK or Bobbi Brown (the latter does a makeup bag refresh and the cost is redeemable against products).

Have a look at new makeup items, maybe only just a new lipstick or eyeshadow palette or a skincare item but I find this really helps.

If you have the finances maybe a session of facials and/or massages at a local beauty salon/spa. That would help with stress and greyness.

It sounds like you need a bit of pampering too.

Also don’t rule out the odd quirky fashion item say from Mango/Zara/&otherstories or more higher end.

With tattoos only do one if you’re really happy with what you want. A friend of mine spent money getting a bold new large tattoo on her arm when her divorce came through and a year later regretted it and is undergoing tattoo removal on it now, at great expense.