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Original poster

Bridesmaid - awful photos

22 replies

pickyourown · 06/08/2023 20:43

I was bridesmaid yesterday and although it was a rush getting ready I felt I looked nice.
Anyway, looking back at the photos I look absolutely awful. My dress is ill fitting and I stupidly went for a halter neck style which makes my arms look huge. I also hate my hair. I have noticed I have a link from waving wand and it also dropped out because of the rain. Just looks awful.
I am just gutted as it was my siblings wedding and my children were flower girls. But I am dreading seeing the professional photos. I feel so embarrassed and self conscious about people thinking how awful I looked.
It sounds stupid and I know I need to get some perspective. But honestly it has made me so so down today.
Any words of wisdom to make me get a grip?

OP posts:
Original poster
pickyourown · 06/08/2023 20:43

Kink not link

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 06/08/2023 20:45

For starters, no one will think you look bad other than you.

Also, you can always choose the nicest and get it tweaked in photoshop if you want a lovely photo you’re happy to have on the wall. Not tweaked so it doesn’t look like you, but just a little colour correction etc maybe.

Nomorecoconutboosts · 06/08/2023 20:47

Most of us are self conscious on photos. It sounds like you are quite self critical. How likely is it that the dress was really so ill suited or ill fitting? If it really was it’s likely someone would have guided you away from that style at the start as the bride would want everyone looking and feeling good on the day?

Sittingonasale · 06/08/2023 20:50

I felt similar at my brothers wedding last year. Thought I looked nice but photos were hideous. I looked like Miss Trunchball. 🤣

Not too bothered. How often do those wedding pics really get looked at?

I know it's an arse when you spend time and money to look nice but there's always another time.
I'm just not photogenic at all.

Original poster
pickyourown · 06/08/2023 20:51

You would think so and to be honest I am quite annoyed nobody didn’t. Even the seamstress said it fit well as I was expecting her to adjust the top half but she said it wasn’t needed. So I trusted her. But honestly i have folds under my boobs. It’s terrible. Wish I could post a photo but too outing

OP posts:
Original poster
pickyourown · 06/08/2023 20:52

@Sittingonasale you are right and I probably won’t care in a few weeks. Think it’s because I’ve been feeling so lacking in confidence lately and so really wanted to feel and look nice.

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 06/08/2023 21:24

As others have said, if you start analysing photos, I doubt anyone likes phots of themselves.
I was at a family party recently and saw myself caught on a couple of photos and thought it wasn't a great photo of me, but the point was, it wasn't supposed to be a prtrait of me for the National Gallery - it was a record of an event. Just like these wedding photos are a record of your sister's wedding.
Nobody is looking at those photos and thinking "how awful you looked". They will look at them and think "Oh, that was a lovely day wasn't it".
REmember that is what the photos are for - recording the day or the event.

Fbshe · 06/08/2023 21:44

People only look at themselves in photos. All the problems you are focussing on won’t be noticed by others, like you’ve not noticed the problems they will find on themselves.

CJLJJL · 06/08/2023 21:45

I know exactly how you’re feeling.
had an event recently where I had to talk in front of an audience. I was bloated due to PMS ( I get terrible water retention) so took me ages to find something to wear that I felt comfortable in. I thought I looked ok, not amazing, but decent enough.
That was until I watched a video of myself. I was disturbed at how frumpy (and huge)I looked and how matted my hair had got at the back!
I watched it a few times and felt really bad about myself.
My DP later commented (not knowing about the video) that it was quite a frumpy outfit!!
I felt crap for a bit but now I am over it!
What can you do?
Even supermodels have off days 😂
I think it will help if you remember that there will be lots of other people in the photos that are too busy scrutinising and critiquing themselves to focus on you.
I bet the bride will see many photos that she isn’t happy about, especially candid photos that aren’t captured and perfected by the professional photographer.

Swamphag · 06/08/2023 21:56

Please don't beat yourself up about it. In the nicest possible way, this was your sibling's wedding and most of the focus will be on them, not you.

I loathe having my picture taken (pics of me make me want to weep. I am very unphotogenic) and as a result have very few pics of me and my kids. When I die they won't have any pictures of us together.

I'm sure you looked fine in the photos but when we feel shit about ourselves, we focus on every minor detail.

PragmaticWench · 06/08/2023 22:01

Oh god I had this after an event, the photos made me feel cold and sick, genuinely I looked horrific. Similar set up where it was an event focused on a relative, so I suppose not about me. Still not nice!!

bingohandjob · 06/08/2023 22:04

As someone has said here, we always look at ourselves critically in photos - if you were my mate feeling this way I would ask if you had a good day and do you think the happy couple were really pleased that you were there to share in their lovely day? We've got so many pressures around us online, on TV, on every high street, to look this way or that and it's toxic in the way it makes us feel about ourselves and the way we talk to and criticise ourselves: I think if we spoke to friends and loved ones the way we do to ourselves we'd all be pretty bloody lonely. Honestly, NO ONE will be inspecting wedding photos for what others, other than the bride(s)/groom(s), looked like other than themselves.

thepresureofausername · 06/08/2023 22:06

You'll probably look back at the photos in 20 years and think how pretty you used to be.

BrownieNut · 06/08/2023 22:16

thepresureofausername · 06/08/2023 22:06

You'll probably look back at the photos in 20 years and think how pretty you used to be.

I came on to say this, there are no bad photos of me from 10 plus years ago. At the time I hated them.

Smartiepants79 · 06/08/2023 22:19

I had a similar experience with my sisters wedding.
Dress was fine but I felt afterwards that I’d made the wrong choices with my hair and make up.
Too much makeup and hair too stiff and formal.
I looked ok but it wasn’t as nice as I’d hoped.
There was barely any photos of me either when I looked back at them and I had to admit to being secretly a bit hurt that my sister had sort of left me and my family out of the formal group shots. Not done on purpose obviously (an oversight on a busy day) but it upset me a bit at the time.

NorthWestThree · 06/08/2023 22:24

Sympathy OP, this happened to me too. I was bridesmaid for a close friend and I look awful in the pics. She has a massive canvas of wedding pics on the wall in her house and there I am right in the middle with two beautiful bridesmaids either side!!
My friend says she loves the pics though and tells me not to be daft. But it just makes me cringe whenever I'm in her house!! I guess I am my own worst critic. Maybe it's not as bad as I think. I hope the professional photos come out nicely for you 😊

Original poster
pickyourown · 06/08/2023 22:40

Aaah thank you all. I just feel like I let the side down! Can’t remember the last time I went to an event and felt good about myself. Doesn’t help a relative was on about a dress she tried and sent back because ‘she is self conscious about her arms’ and glanced at mine as she said it... argh what was I thinking. So many dress choices and whyyy didn’t I choose sleeves??

But your messages of solidarity are helping. It was the most loveliest day so feel daft feeling this way. But anyway. It’s given me a kick up the bum to look after myself better.

OP posts:
OrchidsBloomimg · 07/08/2023 06:44

When my niece got married, I thought my sister as MOB looked absolutely amazing; one of my all-time favourite pictures of her was taken on the day. So I was totally gobsmacked when she told me a year later that she absolutely hated how she looked at the wedding and didn't like any of the photos of herself. It is honestly like we're talking about two entirely separate days and looks!

The point is that I am sure your friends and family don't have the same perception that you have. It's easy to pick ourselves apart, especially in photos or on days when there is the expectation that we have to look 'our best'. Cherish the memories of the day and try not to be too harsh on yourself.

Prescottdanni123 · 07/08/2023 07:46

Professional photographers know how to take pics at flattering angles and often take a lot of candid snaps where people are a lot more relaxed, natural and not self conscious.

No one else will be thinking that you look bad.

Poontangle · 07/08/2023 07:52

I feel so embarrassed and self conscious about people thinking how awful I looked

There's a point at which self-consciousness veers dangerously close to conceit.

Nobody cares about your arms, OP. Or your dress or your hair or anything else.

As soon as you grasp that, you'll be free!

Alargeoneplease89 · 07/08/2023 07:52

Honestly in 40 years time when you actually look at the photos again, you will think you look great.

Lkahsvtv · 07/08/2023 07:53

I had this at a siblings wedding; 2 years on and I still hate the photos. However I really figure that anyone looking at the wedding photos is mainly looking at the bride or themselves and not focusing on me

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