Can you help me find an outfit please?

[ShiteRider]

I’m going away overnight to a very posh hotel and a posh (for me) restaurant for a big birthday. In all honesty I’d probably be much better eating chips by the sea but I really appreciate the thought and it’s so different that it will be memorable I’m sure.

I’m very much a trainers, jeans, oversized and baggy clothes type of person (like a teenage boy). Husband will be really upset if we don’t get dressed up but I have no idea what to wear. He mentioned a nice dress, I have a few but no idea whether any of them actually look good or are appropriate. For context what I think of as smart other people think is casual. I dress like a student a lot of the time.

Im 5ft 5, size 10 hourglass. I’ll likely never wear whatever I buy again so Vinted would be ideal and the cheaper the better! Colours wise I have dark hair and olive skin but blue eyes.

Can anyone help?

There’s a lot to … unpack here.

You’re getting a birthday present you don’t want?

Your husband wants you to look different, even if only once?

You’re determined that any dress you buy would never ever be worn again - because you’re completely wedded to dressing ‘like a teenage boy’?

You are an enviable height and build?

Hmm …

I could just say ‘hire a dress from one of many excellent dress rental sources’, but …

Do you think? He’s done it as a thoughtful thing because he knows it’s something I would not normally do and he sees it’s as a treat. He views me very differently from how I view myself, he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful and slim etc and wants me to see myself how he sees me. I feel uncomfortable in glamorous clothes - like I’m dressing up as someone else. I look around me at work and other people my age have painted nails and blow dried hair, wear make up etc. Nail varnish doesn’t last longer than a day on me and for some reason my hair always looks like I’ve come out of a tornado 😂. I’m completely happy with this though and aside from the occasional moments where I think I should make more of an effort, I’m happy in my own skin (and clothes).

Im happy to hire something, I just don’t know what to hire and where to start. For example, what is even appropriate to wear to a nice restaurant?

What do you mean - exactly - by appropriate? What are the parameters outside of which you think the restaurant staff would bar you from entry? Do you think you might, left to yourself, wear something that would cause other diners to laugh openly? Or do you think every single person who eats at a smart restaurant colludes with every other person doing the same, so they all end up wearing the exact same outfit?

I’m struggling to understand from where this level of uncertainty could arise.

I’m not sure whether you’re being deliberately rude when I’ve come asking for help but your posts are pretty snarky.

I’m literally asking what sort of things someone might wear to a nice restaurant. Their dress code says smart casual. To me that might mean jeans and a smarter jumper, but they go on to say that people will often come out dressed to celebrate. I don’t want to go to a restaurant where everyone is dressed to the nines, wearing jeans and trainers and spend the night feeling embarrassed and like I’ve not made an effort.

For example a few weeks ago I went out with a group of friends who had said it’s going to be raining, we should all wear sensible shoes etc. I turn up expecting to wear jeans and trainers and everyone else had brought dresses and heels. It was embarrassing.

I'd go for a nice jumpsuit op. Try monki - they're affordable and look good

If you are keen to "fit in" with the other diners then maybe search Instagram for when people have tagged themselves at the venue, this will give you an idea of the range of outfits other people have worn at the restaurant.

If you, like me, thought Dorothy Perkins no longer existed, do have a look at their website. They had some lovely dresses when I last looked - and I did indeed order one! They currently have a sale on. Also try Next clearance they have a huge range but you need to filter size style etc or it will take forever. Good luck!

Wide legged satin trousers and a white bandeau top? Or fancy waistcoat over.
If you buy closer to your usual boyish style then you might enjoy the outfit and wear it again.
Plenty of dressed up boyish stuff out there
https://shop.mango.com/gb/women/jackets-and-suit-jackets-gilets/gilet-with-floral-applique_57043820.html
Go trousers and top, bit of jewelry.

@MayIDestroyYou OP came here for fashion advice and not a psychological appointment, can you chill and stop the snark please?

@SausageRoll2020 has great advice, search the venue on Instagram and see what kind of clothes diners are wearing to go there.

OP, I'd kill to be a size 10 again and with an hourglass figure to boot? Anything you put it on will look fantastic on you. I'd book a hairdresser appointment to have your hair blow dried properly on the day.

If you live close to makeup counters, they might do a makeover for you. They would expect you to buy something in return but you don't have to. If you don't feel comfortable with the free service some places actually do paid service like the MAC counters, you just have to say exactly what you want (you can also redeem the cost of the appointment in products).

Enjoy your birthday dinner!

What sort of dress do you see yourself in mini, midi, maxi? Neutral colours, floral or bright colours? Is there anyone you admire style wise, a particular look? I think you need to narrow it down a bit if you want suggestions .

I do really like the wide trouser with fitted top look as per pp and this might suit your style more

You say you've got a few nice dresses. Would you be happy in one of those?.

Op you don’t need to wear a dress if you don’t want, you can get dressed up in a pair of lovely trousers, and top.

zara is great for low cost seperates , you can wear slim fitting trousers, a pair of flat sandals.

hope you have a wonderful time and enjoy being treated.

https://www.zara.com/uk/en/high-waist-trousers-p07102562.html?v1=277832629

https://www.zara.com/uk/en/top-with-organza-ruffles-p02298454.html?v1=276789071

Oh thank you all! I can see there are some really good suggestions here. I’m just nipping out but will look in detail later. Just wanted to say thank you

Love the skirt & top Zara suggestion

Where do you normally shop?

I'm sure you could find a dress that would do for this occasion and could be worn again. It sounds like you've maybe been lacking on confidence, but dresses are so useful/easy if you can get over that initial barrier.

Otherwise there are lots of silky wide legged trousers around, print or plain, that might be nice?

As someone who lives in jeans, trainers and sweatshirts I’d be wanting something I could wear again and again. A jumpsuit could work as it will still have a jeans feel compared to a dress. There’s also loads of jumpsuits on sale in John Lewis.

Personally I’d be looking at an ankle grazer jean and blazer combo with a plain white t-shirt and smart sandals but that’s because I could wear that for work and on the school run.

I agree with others, if fitting in is important to you have a look at their social media to see what past customers have worn.

I like going to posh restaurants but I don’t like dressing up and think I look awful in dresses and hate being uncomfortable. So I don’t wear dresses or uncomfortable clothes. I do wear navy jeggings and a nice top in a colour that really suits me, usually with some wedges. My hair / make up / jewels is all decent and hands and toes are v tidy so I think I am well presented. Not the most fashion forward but looks decent and meets my criteria of comfort and not displaying my belly. People in smart restaurants really do wear all sorts.

Husband will be really upset if we don’t get dressed up

Find someone else to go with.

Generally a good idea but will be VERY skewed towards people who've deliberately got dressed up.

Why? She says she appreciates the thought, doesn’t want to be embarrassed if she’s under dressed, and is sure it will be memorable.

if I was going to a posh restaurant with my husband for a big birthday I’d not want him fronting up in a pair of jeans and trainers like he goes to the shops in. Dressing for the occasion and venue is a thing.

the op is asking for style advice. Not how to end her marriage.

Last posh restaurant I went to (Michelin starred), I wore jeans and so did half the restaurant. I’d dried my hair and had a nice top and a medium amount of makeup on.
I’d say that the very dressed up people looked a bit out of place. So you don’t necessarily need to be super dressed up.

And looking on Instagram, bear in mind it will be the more dressed up people who’ve taken a selfie. Try and see the people in the background.

Or just wear one of your existing dresses with some new white flat trainers.

The last couple of times I've been to a Michelin Star restaurant, the women were mostly in dresses and the men in chinos and shirts. The dresses varied from quite ordinary day midi dresses, to very dressy 'going out out' mini dresses. Very few people in jeans, even for lunch, but only a couple of 'youngsters' in very high heels. Smart trainers or flats/small small heels much more in evidence.

You don’t sound like a nice dress kind of gal! You’ve found your style and are comfortable with it so I’d stick with what you know looks good on you but maybe tweak it so you feel you’ve made the effort too.

How about a different colour of jeans and a smarter top than you would wear day to day? With your colouring and figure white jeans might work well - or something more vibrant like red? Rather than trainers maybe a low healed sandal or a mule

Possible look might be something like this with a similar shoe?

People will wear all sorts, OP.

It sounds as though a cute pair of trousers and a slightly cropped top, or vest or bodysuit would suit you well and you'd get wear out of them.

Or one of your favourite dresses.

Enjoy the experience - Michelin star places don't need to be snooty. They should be trying to make sure every guest has a wonderful meal.

There is such a range about dress code even across Michelin star restaurants. I had dinner at Le Gavroche earlier in the week - I was coming from work so was on the smarter side but the other diners were not super formally dressed. The outfit suggestion I posted upthread is more casual than I was wearing but it would have blended in easily.

And @ShiteRider hasn’t specified that this is a Michelin starred restaurant she is going to - just that it’s posher than she normally goes to. That could cover quite a wide range of possibilities.