Where do you get your self-confidence from?

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My parents bullied me relentlessly about my weight and appearance when I went from a very slim child to overweight in my teens, and as an adult my size has fluctuated from an 8-10 to a current 16-18. As a result my self-confidence has always been pretty much through the floor; I’ve always worn dark, plain, shapeless clothing with my theory being no one will notice me, even when I was slim (this has certainly helped me be invisible).

We are now on holiday with extended family at an all-inclusive in a hot location and I’m the only one not going in the pool. This type of holiday is my idea of hell - donning a swimsuit in public, no matter how quickly you get from sunbed to pool or wear cover-ups. I only agreed to go for the DC sake.

Has anyone successfully turned their self-confidence around at a later stage in life (I’m late 40’s)? I’m sitting by the pool in tears behind my sunglasses while everyone is at the swim-up pool bar etc. I just want to go home and we only got here yesterday but I’m also sick of feeling so worthless about my appearance.

Just ignore them. Your parents behaved appallingly and if they're still behaving like this, ignore them, And don't go on extended family holidays with them. The holiday you're on would be my idea of hell too, although for entirely different reasons.

Have a look around you- I doubt very much you are surrounded by hordes of people who look gorgeous, svelte and elegant.

I feel your pain. I was the same as you until I reached my late 30s. Things that helped me were dealing with past demons as much as possible, pilates, swimming and acceptance,
I had an eating disorder as a teenager and even when recovered and a healthy size 8 to 10 I was still paranoid!
I remember going on holiday with friends and not understanding how they could be at ease in a bikini. I was the same size as them.
I’ve been very overweight after pregnancies which I’ve sorted due to my paranoia. I was unable to be happy until every last pregnancy pound/stone was gone. I’ve excessively exercised to achieve this and it’s not a good place to be in.
It’s so hard to be comfortable in my own skin even now and I’m an 8 to 10.
Im a bridesmaid in 4 weeks and I’m dreading it.
Im loads better than I was but I’m always the one sat on the swimming pool sideline on holiday. I have forced myself to go in really quickly recently.
It’s better in the local swimming pool as when I go it’s women only. Need to get back into that tbh but don’t want to get obsessed with it like last year. It’s hard isn’t it?

What would you tell a friend or loved one who felt like you do? To be kind to themselves and enjoy their holiday?
Tell yourself that.

I dislike wearing swimsuits etc - other than for swimming. I think it's a lot more sensible to wear stuff like loose linen trouser and baggy tops. Covering up means you don't have to keep putting on sunscreen - and is great way of keeping cool in warm weather.

I think it is absolutely fine to wear what you want to wear, read a book if you're not feeling sociable, and only join in the general chat at, say, mealtimes..

You can always get up early or take a late dip at times when people aren't around, if you fancy a swim.

Going off for a walk or exploring on your own is another option.

Just do what you need to do to survive.

Oh I'm so sorry, i can really feel your pain.
I think more covered up swimsuits are starting to be more 'in' for sun safety reasons. How about a pair of board shorts and a surfy top with sleeves for swimming? Would there be a poolside shop where you are where they might sell that?
Just trying to think of something practical that could help you in the short term while you're there. NOT that you should cover up, but i know how much more comfortable i feel when I'm in something with a bit of coverage.
Try going for 'the surfy/sporty' look and take it from there. Swimming can make us feel so good once we're in and you'll have gotten over that first barrier.

Please try and go easy on yourself too.

This kinda thing.