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Style and beauty

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Original poster

Which outfit?

48 replies

Pickingmyselfup · 28/05/2023 13:12

For a casual birthday dinner out with my mum and her friends. I need some tummy control knickers for the yellow dress...

I'm not sure she likes any of them because they are either a bit dressy or a bit fleshy and she thinks I'm a bit chunky. I can't lose any more weight by the weekend so I am what I am.

2 of them are the same outfits with different shoes.

OP posts:

continentallentil · 28/05/2023 19:49

The yellow dress is fabulous, shows off your figure and has early summer birthday lunch written all over it. The rest look a bit casual, and I don’t think you want your midriff out at lunch.

You mother sounds like she needs a mini clip round the ear. You have a really nice figure, and just because it’s her birthday doesn’t mean she gets to decide what you wear.

Time for some boundaries.

Have a lovely lunch.

rockpoolingtogether · 28/05/2023 19:59

You have a lovely figure.
Your mum shouldn't be commenting on your weight.
The outfits aren't really my style and perhaps are a little revealing, however, you looks amazing in the yellow dress. Don't go for the white crop top and jeans

5128gap · 28/05/2023 20:34

For a casual dinner you don't need the tight bottoms and the very cropped top its overkill. So either the very cropped top with cargos and trainers, or the leather leggings/tight jeans with a longer looser cropped top, like a silk cami that just hits the waistband. The top you've got on with the red skirt might work with the leather leggings, and I think that would be my choice.

Original poster

Pickingmyselfup · 28/05/2023 23:10

I've ordered some control pants to go under the yellow dress but I'm a bit stuck on the shoe. I've really only got any of the shoes in those photos, will the flip flops work or the nude wedges?? For an ordinary pub catch up I would wear flip-flops with the dress but this is more dressy than a beer garden yet more casual than a night out.

Hmm.

OP posts:

IWonderWhereThatDishDidGo · 28/05/2023 23:14

I'd do nude wedges but would dress it down with a more casual jacket

purpleegg · 28/05/2023 23:17

I'm surprised you're bothering going seeing as your mother doesn't sound a very nice woman at all!

Original poster

Pickingmyselfup · 28/05/2023 23:19

A denim jacket should work. I have also just ordered some black cargo trousers to see how that works with the white top and white slightly dressier trainers. Will try it all on Wednesday evening.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pickingmyselfup · 28/05/2023 23:24

purpleegg · 28/05/2023 23:17

I'm surprised you're bothering going seeing as your mother doesn't sound a very nice woman at all!

She can be alright but over the years she's become very judge over everything. It's her birthday and whilst I'm surprised I'm invited to what is basically a work night out considering I'm almost 100 miles away there is obviously a reason for it.

OP posts:

BeginningToLookALotLike · 28/05/2023 23:26

You do not look chunky. Try to stop running your choices past your mum, she may never approve, but does it matter? Just tell her something vague, like you will decide on the day depending on the weather.

bumhug · 28/05/2023 23:52

I'd tell your mum to stick it up her arse.

Put on your favourite and go out with some friends who love you as you are.

Aria999 · 29/05/2023 00:02

I see you have made your decision!

Mostly wanted to say you look stunning in all of them and you have very high standards for yourself if you don't think so.

I do feel your pain re carrying everything on the stomach as this is me these days but it really doesn't show in the pictures.

Fwiw my favorite was the jeans and white top with the white flats.

Xrays · 29/05/2023 00:25

Why on earth are you going out with someone who is so vile to you? Makes no difference that she’s your mother. In fact if anything it’s even worse! Tell her to fuck off and go and have a nice night out without her.

SayItStraight · 29/05/2023 00:32

Yellow dress with footwear in the first photo. If they'll all be in denim tone it down with denim jacket.

Your figure is amazing and you need to stop asking mums advice. She's too critical and she's not accurate. Perhaps she's a bit jealous?

HeiXiong · 29/05/2023 00:57

@Pickingmyselfup All women have a small pad of fat in their lower belly. It’s an anatomical pad that protects the female reproductive organs.

I strongly recommend you work on your self esteem and Fear Obligation Guilt relationship you appear to have with your mum.

you look like you’re in fabulous physical shape but it might be worth switching your focus to your relationship/emotional health for a while.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 29/05/2023 05:22

Your mum is basically negging you so that you don't outshine her. She sounds awful and agree with PP that you should work on your own self esteem.

The yellow dress looks fabulous.

AConstantGreyInTheClouds · 29/05/2023 05:53

Your mum doesn’t deserve you. It’s heartbreaking to read that she judges you so much. Will her friends not be horrified if she makes a negative comment on your body/clothes or are they all like her?

Seriously, don’t go. Stay home or go and do something with someone who likes you no matter how much you weigh or what your thighs are like.

nopeasplease · 29/05/2023 06:10

Defo yellow dress with nude wedges - and denim jacket to make it more casual. Perhaps even nice white trainers instead of the wedges?

ShantiNatasha · 29/05/2023 07:08

Oh, OP, if your own mother was like this throughout your childhood/teen years, too:

...she does judge because in her words I "don't look like the models on the Internet".

She's always commenting on how I'm heavy on my legs and bum or if they look smaller than normal.

Or how I didn't glow when I was pregnant but my friend did.

This is what I showed her and she basically said my tummy is too flabby for it. I can't shift it though, it's from my 2 c sections and I can't get it smaller

then no wonder your internal voice is:

I want to be perfect in all areas and I'm not.

I don't think it's fair to say to imply that people of a healthy weight can't have insecurities, I have an absolute bucketful but I am really trying to accept me for being me.

I'm fully aware of my flaws but sometimes I don't always want them pointing out.

I'm my own worst enemy because I will sit there and pick myself apart but if it were someone else I wouldn't like don't be ridiculous, you're doing great.

There are ways somebody can give asked-for, honest opinions on clothes, without destroying self-esteem and self-confidence, FFS!
If not asked-for, then it's none of their business.

You have a lovely figure. I think yellow dress, denim jacket and nude wedges or dressy trainers.

PS Might it help if you arrange a phone-chat with your most supportive, confidence-boosting friend for the following morning? Will restore your morale, if being with your Mum does trigger off some negative feelings. Hoping her friends aren't similar towards you?

BuddhaAtSea · 29/05/2023 07:19

Love, I’m a mum to a daughter a bit younger than you. Whilst I would tell it to her straight if it made her look awful (it’s a pact we have and it works both ways), I would never in a million years would speak to you the way she does, or choose her outfits for her.
‘Mum, that lipstick washes you’ or ‘love, that bra has lost it’s shape, it digs funny’ are ok. What your mum is doing isn’t ok.

I think you look amazing in that yellow dress, for all it’s worth.

Bearpawk · 29/05/2023 07:55

Sounds like you and your mother have a really fucked up relationship tbh.

I wouldn't be going anywhere with someone who spoke to me like that.
You seem to pin your 'worth' on your figure hence wanting to show it off in skimpy clothes which is very sad but you've obviously gotten that mindset from her. I'd honestly work on that.

Fwiw I don't think backless tops, short shorts and belly tops are all that suitable for an older parent's casual birthday lunch.

junebirthdaygirl · 29/05/2023 08:03

It's not normal for a mum to speak to her dd like that. I had a very special occasion recently and my dd was accompanying me. I had absolutely no idea what she was wearing until she turned up. I would only give her positive comments.

Your mum is out of order and you need to have back. Don't send her any more pictures and just turn up in what you like yourself presuming you know what's appropriate for a night with your mums work colleagues ( not backless!)

ladygindiva · 29/05/2023 08:08

The yellow dress is lovely, you look really good in it.

Original poster

Pickingmyselfup · 29/05/2023 14:12

Going for a casual lunch is much easier! I seem to be either too casual or too dressy.

This is the kind of thing I've worn out for dinner as well I currently have casual flip flops on but I could dress it up with the wedges and a nicer bra too and maybe a similar colour fake leather jacket instead of a cardigan.

OP posts:

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