I'm new! - feeling invisible

[sandy0]

Hello, I'm new!

Ok, i'm not usually a 'feeling like the world hates me' kinda person but i'm so feeling like frumpy mum right now. Just come back from wk end away just me and dh,supposed to be romantic... so the wrong time of month to go for that and the only thing romantic was the fact we were on our own and our fab dd was at her grans. was very odd, ususally we would have fab meal stumble back after a nice bottle of wine and be all loved up. not quite how it went. Nice to get away but just reminded me how far from the old me I still am. Not sure what happened but feel like have woken up to find myself the frumpy mum/housewife clothes n all!!! I know dh loves me but feeling in desparate need to grab his attention again and just remind him i'm still me not just a mummy. really in a rut with myself and dunno what to do! Doesn't help that have job interview this week that don't really want but everyone keeps saying 'ooh it will get you out of the house...' seriously! do people think that just because your a full time mum you have no life???????

honestly, i'm usually so much bouncier!!!

Hah you could be my twin pgrin] meet frumpy mummy. I have noly one tshirt and one pair of jeans that fit and am in a complete rut!

perhaps someone else can help us both!

hello Sandy0, I know what you mean, I thing you lose a bit of yourself to the kids sometimes - you have to claw it back where you can.

So now is the time to try some clothes that you don't usually wear, eg; if you're a jeans person then time to start wearing a few skirts or dresses, something a bit more feminine.

Sandy0, I have always been a bit of a frump, so no help to you on the style front. Just wanted to welcome you to MN though. The style gurus will be along shortly, i'm sure...

btw, if I want to grab dH's attention, I find no clothes works best!

Wow you ladies are quick!

Def a jeans person....live in them!! Never been able to find skirts that are suitable for chasing my very active dh around! longing for summer though as have skirts for that! I do own a few good items ie skinny jeans and heels/boots etc is just even that is starting to look old. Just want to be seen!

I empathise! Tailored interview clothes are great for an ego-boost though, I don't think anything disguises my tummy 'pouch' better than a black jacket I wear for interviews/metings. It was from Next Clearance and cost a fiver, I love it!

Low waisted, wide-legged trousers are usually flattering - wear with heels and almost to the floor to make you look leggier.
Then a simple single-breasted jacket will always look smart and can make you look a stone lighter of you find a good cut.

I always buy black suits because of slimming, mixing-and-matching and funeral benefits!

I found that once I'd taken a deep breath and brushed myself down after having dd, my wardrobe just didn't work any more. I had a whole new life and a very different shape and needed to treat myself to a few new things.

I always find going to the hairdressers every month really sorts me out a cut, wash a blow dry makes me feel great and they let me take my baby in with me and make a fuss of her also even though she has no hair yet lol. The hairdressers is the only thing I spend on myself.

Is is so easy to go down that frumpy mummy route. You just have so much more on your plate to deal with, that taking care of yourself gets pushed down the list of priorities.

The only answer is to force it BACK UP! Book an appointment at the hairdressers - regularly. Buy some new clothes - like someone else said, try things that you normally wouldn't wear. I find it helps to take a childless, stylish friend, and ask them to be bossy with you.

Wear make-up every day. Refuse to leave the house unless you are really happy with how you look. It will take longer to get out, of course, but your self-esteem will come running back to you.

New, pretty, underwear is also a must. It gives you that extra boost - and of course can give your sex life a lift.

I really think the main thing though is making YOURSELF feel desirable/ feminie/ attractive. you have to look in the mirror and hold your head high. Once you have that, your husband will soon sit up and take notice!

Also a brazilian wax always grabs attention lol.

Thanks ladies, you all made me smile and feel better. Sorry didn't reply last night dh came home and had to go. Will def try some of your advice, did go out with mys sis today and got a lovely girly black dress which plan on weraing when go for a meal on sat night so will let you know!!!!!
xx

Message withdrawn

I've been thinking and to be honest not sure if it's dh's attitude towards me but my attitude towards myself. Just bee looking a photo of me taken just before we got married (2004) yes i was 4 years younger with less wrinkles and no baby induced bags under my eyes, but my hair was well cut, i had a nice tan (yes i liked sun beds...in my defence they help my skin in small doses) my make up was nice but it was nothing that i cant do again and i suddenly realised that things that used to make me feel good, i no longer do, so is not surprising i dont feel like me
! I still get my hair done but thats about it, my hands look like i do manual labour 24hrs a day (very dry and no nails!!) and as for tan well thats easy thanks to self tanning moisturisers and as for my make-up i could get upa few mins early and make more of an effort!!!

So thats it ladies a new me is to be born.. from now on i pledge to give a damn and bring back my old self (with exception to the days when dh is away and i can sit in my joggers with greasy hair and eat ice-cream....what we all do it!!! wish me luck!!!!

I think a good haircut is important. I finally found, by accident, the most amazing hairdresser. Before that, I had loads of bad hair cuts, even tried things myself, and it was horrific. It's great: I go in for an hour, get my hair washed, my head massaged, have a natter with my hairdresser and he always styles it amazingly. I always get compliments on my hair cut.

Otherwise, feeling healthy, getting exercise and whatnot.