Suddenly looking old

[ShinyNewBear]

Just turned 40 and suddenly feel and look old. My hair looks dull and lacklustre and my skin looks the same.
Best (not too expensive ideally) products for either? I don’t really want to go down the Botox route.
I don’t mind looking my age but I’d prefer not to look older than I am.
My sense of style feels harder too as I suddenly feel like all my extra weight has moved entirely to my stomach!

But 52 isn’t particularly old either! I’ve found with my ageing it always accelerated 5 years into every decade. Came back at 56 and tell me if you look the same as 52. Then I’ll be interested in what your doing.

Tretinoin and Korean skincare have seriously changed my skin. There’s a great Facebook group that holds your hand through the best way to introduce it, but at age 43 by skin has never looked better.

Don’t suppose you have the Facebook page name do you - I’m intrigued!

That's super cynical @RudsyFarmer.

And untrue.

Women of all ages can look great.

Also, menopause doesn't have to be dreadful.

I had this with childbirth, 'It's terrible', 'Awful' etc.

I'm not sure why women promulgate to other (younger) women that the female experience is dreadful.

It's absolutely right and proper that women should speak about their experiences of womanhood. And my experience of womanhood has been brilliant.

I fucking love being a woman. Easy puberty. Easy pregnancy. Easy births. Easy breastfeeding. Easy menopause. I'm super comfortable with myself.

Womanhood doesn't have to be a burden.

And yes, I absolutely appreciate my privileges.

I'd much rather be a woman than a man though.

I would never want to be a man.

It’s not about propagating fear, it’s about seizing the moment and living in the present appreciating the face we have. No one looks back at past photos and think OMG I look ooooold 🙀. All of us look back and think shit i look so young there and just didn’t know it at the time.

40 is young. When OP is 55 she’s going to wish she’d spent less time worrying about her face when she was 40.

im happy to wait for the update 😋

I’m 58 and ageing normally and naturally.
I use whatever face creams are on offer, exercise a bit, as in walk to and from work and do yoga once a week.
The secret is not to care about ageing and be happy that you have people in your life who you love and love you and that you have enough money to enjoy things…and the most important thing is that you are healthy.

Op for me it’s always sleep, less or no alcohol, way more veg, exercise even a walk every day, and sun cream. Stress always shows on my face too, so relaxation techniques help as well.

I am the same age op and I know what you mean, although I feel ok about it.

No alcohol makes a huge difference (unfortunately) - I think this is the age where you can really start to see drinking in your face. I've stopped drinking completely - alongside the increased cancer risk and the effect it has on sleep quality, it just doesn't feel worth it anymore.

And sleep. I have stopped using an alarm clock and allow myself to sleep for as long as need to - this does mean going to bed much earlier than I used to! Appreciate this won't work for those who work shifts.

Then drinking water and eating well - lots of good fats and less sugar.

Yoga/pilates - walking, being in nature. Being able to sit comfortably on the floor and get up and down with ease for as long as possible. I personally don't think very strenuous exercise is good for the body, but I know others will disagree with me.

Sunscreen and vitamin D (as a supplement because of the sunscreen).

Keeping stress as low as possible - avoiding unnecessary micro-stressors.

I think the above have a much bigger impact than creams and botox (I know you said you're not interested). Some people have lucky genes too of course.

Also - notice what makes you happy and do those things as much as possible - nothing can replicate the glow you get from genuine joy.

Of course, hopefully this link works. Start with the pinned beginner and FAQ posts.

That message about drinking made me think - oh yeah! I don't drink. I used to drink every single day but I gave up 3 years ago. When I look at pics of me in mid 30s my face is bloated, puffy, red, I look old. Now I'm 40 and I look so much younger. So yes drinking is a good point!

I also lost 30 pounds which definitely helps with clothes / style / being able to move easily. I think that's made a big difference to my face too. All I did was calorie count and use the my fitness app. Nothing crazy. Just learned how many calories were in things!! (And it's not what you expect).

Finally I have learned so much watching TikTok videos of women who are older doing their make up. Tips like where to place under eye concealer has honestly changed my entire face! (It should be right in the corner not across whole thing).

Good luck OP

I had this reaction a few days ago at my reflection! The standard things help really, healthy oils, liquid, good diet, exercise.

I bulk bought hyaluronic acid sheet masks and they work. A good deep conditioning treatment for hair and a trim.

And relax and be happy :)

It's what not particularly kind female colleagues have always said to me, the whole 'just you wait mentality'
Women have it their entire life and it's bollocks!
'Just you wait until you've had children/breastfed etc' body looks great still at 52 thanks to my diet etc in fact I've got a better figure now than I had pre children!
'Just wait until the menopause' well I had a hysterectomy nearly 10 years ago, so that ship has long sailed and guess what? I look and feel great.

And here you are 'just wait another 5 years'
It's tedious, I'm guessing I'll look older in 5 years, which will be a bloody privilege!
I'm also fairly confident I'll look great still.

Just to add, walking is great. I do a 2 lap (just under a mile a lap) of my park each day. I also walk to WW once a week rather than drive which is approx 5.5km and downhill. Sometimes I walk it back which is uphill. If I have time at weekends I do long walks, to nearest small town, then further. Put on headphones or don’t wear them and yes, this is really relaxing. I try to swim once a week or so aqua aerobics.

I don’t really like cycling (loved it as a child!) but other friends cycle and do day trips with friends, DCs. I do go out with friends to music events, gigs at pubs, but I limit drinks, have water between them etc. I had a man come up to me and some friends recently when we were out tell we looked amazing but really happy!

Other friends of a similar age do Pilates, walk, barre classes etc. it’s all what works for you.

Well said, @Hal9001 and @otherwayup

OP clearly wants useful suggestions and reassurance.

Thankfully 99% of posts have been helpful and positive. Some great suggestions here.

Nutrition and exercise really matter at this age

i was getting a bit puffy and chubby and felt past my best in my 40s, really cut back on alcohol, upped the sport, started eating good quality home made food, and now at 51 am in better shape than I was at 40

fresh air important too, I walk the dogs every morning, gives a better complexion

cheap fixes for hair: a cassia (colourless henna) mask every month

a vitamin c serum (makes complexion more even)

spf every day

eat all the good quality food like oily fish, nuts, vegetables, avocado, good quality meat/protein

take vitamin d supplement

keep an eye on your iron levels

do exercise, and have a magnesium supplement before bed (to aid muscle relaxation)

these things work for me

Yes. But OP asked for tips.

Not a fucking suicide note.

@RudsyFarmer

Just because you feel that way, don't presume you speak for the rest of us!

I actually look back of photos of me in my 30s and feel better about how I look now!
I would much rather have the body, face, hair etc that I have now than when I was younger.
Maybe I've been lucky? But I have also taken care of myself, rarely drink, eat well etc So it's hardly just a fluke!

I'm 52, so I imagine at 55 things won't be much different?
Although obviously the 'ooo just you wait brigade' will say different.

Thank you 👍

Hi OP,

I would recommend adding vitamin c to your skincare routine if you don't have it already. I love this one from MooGoo. I prefer to use it at night, but think you can use it during the day too.

I've made a conscious effort to up my water intake this year and feel better for it.

Also, this supplement from Holland and Barrett does wonders for dryness.

@BangingOn which Korean skincare products would you recommend?

@SapphireStar77 it depends on your skin type and needs, but personally I really like Beauty of Joseon Glow Serum, Holika Holika Ceramide Oil Cream and Iunik Propolis Sleeping Mask. If you can be patient and wait a few weeks for your order to arrive then a website like Yes Style tends to be cheaper than buying from the UK.

That sounds great thank you!

I'm with @RudsyFarmer on this. Menopause changes everything, unless you can take HRT (I no longer can, because of breast cancer). Your skin loses its elasticity and it's foolish to pretend cosmetics are going to change that.

This isn't scaremongering, it's suggesting to the OP that she enjoys how she looks now. I wish I had done at 40. Post menopause, you really need (as Alexandra Shulman once said) to find something else to think about.

Exactly. Perfectly put ♥️

I’m 66 had a good if that’s the correct word menopause as in very few hot sweats no mood swings but, the weight piled on I lost my waist! No hrt I refused to take it. I can’t grumble I exercise only wash my face in soap and water don’t drink or smoke keep out of the sun and I’m told I look years younger than my age! Eat healthily do t have fillers or Botox or would have, wouldn’t judge those that have it though each to their own, do whatever makes you happy is my motto, menopause is not bad for everyone! Was diagnosed with underactive thyroid in meno, very common apparently as menopause hits. Everyone is different and your attitude to life makes a difference, a lot of how you look is actually in your genes.