I don't know what to wear ---ever!

[mauvish]

Like it says. I am totally lacking in any idea of what might look good on me and I'm in a real fashion rut, so any ideas might be nice.

I'm early 60s so dread looking like mutton-dressed-as-lamb. Good legs but I think minis are out now (see above!) BMI about 22-23, C-D cup, skinny bum and hips, tend to be apple shaped and bloat quite easily. Wide swimmer's shoulders (so anything that accentuates them makes me look like a pro wrestler). My colouring suits blues, greens, mauve, orange, dark grey, even the dreaded yellow! But I disappear in muted tones and I don't like pink.

I'm retired and live in casual clothes. I never wear heels (not sure I could if I wanted to due to previous ankle surgery). But I am sooooooo bored with jeans and T shirts.

A lot of my clothes are quite old as my size/shape is the same as it was many years ago (!). And with not working, I don't want to spend much money on "quality classics" -- I'd just like to have a smallish trendy wardrobe. I always like to feel fabric before I buy so vastly prefer real shops to online ones. Not keen on tight clothes.

I think I look like a frumpy middle aged woman who hasn't got a clue and I'd like to look nicer! What might you suggest?

For example -- I bought some trousers from Monki and I love them, they are so comfy and the colour is good. But I have no idea what to wear them with. I've also got the white Tshirt that the model is wearing in the pic (link below) but on me, that ensemble just looks like pyjamas!

https://www.monki.com/en_gbp/clothing/trousers-shorts/trousers/product.wide-leg-super-soft-trousers-green.0953942002.html

What shoes do you wear them with OP? I think that will help pull the outfit together and maybe what you wear on top as an additional layer and the jewellery will help make it an outfit and feel less PJ like.

I think from your description you could wear short skirts- I am in my late 30s and don't plan on ever retiring them from my wardrobe. What about soft shorter jersey dresses, with sandals for summer- they don't need ot be minis, you could wear them just above the knee or even a couple of inches shorter than that- you could wear them with tights and flat boots on cooler days. A denim above-the-knee skirt with a tshirt could work too, skinny chinos could work too from your description. I think the outfit on the model from Monki looks like pyjamas on her as well- which is all fine if that's the kind of look you're going for, but it sounds like you would lean towards slightly more structered outfits? Flares and bootcut jeans are everywhere and they balance out an apple shape/ wide shoulders well. Flat wide strap sandals or canvas trainer type things like toms/ Sketchers bobs/ converse would go with everything in the summer.

With the Monki trousers, a more fitted top would balance it out and I agree with Niftythrifter that the shoes and accessories are what will make them pop.

Are you tucking the top in like in the photo?

Maybe look at blouses/shirts, something with a more interesting neckline than a t-shirt, or a shirt worn open over the t-shirt.

Thanks for suggestions!

I've got sketchers, converse and I've got flat strappy sandals. The sandals look better with those particular trousers but I think that's because the sketchers are very dark grey. I also have leather ballet flats which I don't wear often enough.

No, I don't tuck in t-shirts, I'm too "tummy conscious" for that!

What about soft shorter jersey dresses, with sandals for summer- they don't need ot be minis, you could wear them just above the knee or even a couple of inches shorter than that- you could wear them with tights and flat boots on cooler days.
-That just about describes my previous working wardrobe! Perhaps I should see if any of my old skirts would still be ok.

But thinking about this, I loathe wearing tights, and my legs get cold (I'm so used to being in jeans!) unless it's the height of summer, when I'm happy to wear skirts. I think that's part of the reason that I've let the skirt side of my wardrobe disappear.

What about midi skirts, I'm 62 and I do wear jeans most days in the winter, but as it warms up a bit, I wear midi skirts or dresses, you can wear long boots underneath till it gets warmer then sandals, sometimes if its too cold I wear a pair of thin thermal leggings under the skirt/dress

I'm not going to ask you what you want to wear, rather, 'Who do you want to be?'.

What do you want to look like? What shapes and silhouettes call to you?

I'm not about to make suggestions, you have to find that.

Asking other people what you should wear is a rubbish idea. Ask yourself how you want to look.

You'll get your answers there.

I was feeling a similar way OP and I read on a thread here someone mention the Kibbe body types and dressing for yours.
Honestly it's been revolutionary, I've spent the last week selling half my wardrobe on vinted and buying things from there according to the Kibbe system, which says I'm "Dramatic Classic". I'd been wearing pretty much the opposite clothes to what Kibbe suggests for my type and wondered why I always felt uncomfortable and why, despite having wardrobes full of clothes I had "nothing to wear".. Have a Google and work out your exact type from the various pages, blogs and information available then Google outfits for that type. If nothing else it'll give you some inspiration.

Those trousers are awful! The elasticated top clearly suggests they should fall to the instep or to the floor - not be left flapping in nowhere land. They’re also in really thin looking fabric. Modal is one of those fabrics that seems to have been invented to deliberately stop anyone from ever looking stylish. Maybe stop buying from that particular brand if it allows you to make such horrid errors.

Look at these. Aren’t they lovely?

Beyond that - spend an hour on this thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4753001-can-we-talk-about-clothing-brands-and-target-demographics?reply=124266319

And don’t ever use that gross ‘mutton’ phrase again. Ever, ever, ever …

Also, you’ve had over six decades to ‘feel fabric’. You know how good fabrics feel (and yet you bought those modal monstrosities!). Your refusal to shop online means you’re cutting out about 99.99% of your potential options. Either take a leap into the 21st century, or continue to buy tat.

I’m a similar age, btw. Still in the foothills of a second career, wfh with occasional face to face meetings, conferences, a few grand nights, the odd international jaunt. These are some places I’ve bought clothes from in the last couple of years:

Toogood - knitwear.
La Fetiche - jumper, skirt.
Margaret Howell - t shirt.
Budd - shirt (women’s)
Raey @ Matches - chinos
Uniqlo - loungewear
Co (not Cos!) - dress
Goodhood - sweatshirt
The Elder Statesman - top
Zara - skirt

Can wear what I like - and like beautiful clothes, and bargains make me ecstatic. Economise on home clothes, spend on ‘out’ clothes and expect more expensive things to earn their keep over years. Thinking about it … retirement is probably dreadful for a wardrobe - I wouldn’t want to spend every day in relaxed, no-effort clothes; I like the challenge of knowing I’ll be seen …

The green CC joggers would look good with a beautifully tailored jacket, cropped or tucked t shirt / vest, and some chunky mules / sandals …

'I like the challenge of knowing I’ll be seen…

I love that @Aixellency

Absolutely

Make yourself seen.

Be a player in your own life. 'Mutton dressed as lamb' is a terrible way to think about you. It makes no sense. None.

You have to break away from that line of thinking.

Who are you? You're more than your age. Acknowledge that. Love that. Play with that.

Make yourself be seen!

I bought a Co dress recently @Aixellency, I bloody love it. It's so flipping wearable.

And yes! @Aixellency trousers are way better than the Monki numbers

Don't ever put yourself in shit clothes.

Admire yourself! Adorn yourself!

Your body matters!

I have those monki trousers in 2 colours. They are great for summer. I wear them with t-shirts, either slightly cropped so they fall on waistband or tucked in, with trainers or Dr martens sandals.

Have you looked at Seasalt? Lots of their clothes are semi structured but also comfy and casual. Natural fabrics, Petite/Regular/Tall options, garment measurements listed for each item. They do have some physical shops, but their online service is efficient.

American Vintage joggers - styling inspiration.

Soft linen green trousers from Toast

I was going to pretend I hadn't seen the mutton reference, but maybe we should start with it because it's one of the very first things you say about yourself.

It sounds like you've got loads going for you: good legs, decent body. You've not put on weight or changed shape like a lot of us do in menopause, you appreciate fabrics and you know what colours work for you.

And yet from the way you've written your post, the thing you dread looms larger than any of these positive things. I may be wrong but I've got a sneaking feeling it's going to figure whenever anyone suggests anything out of your comfort zone.

So let's go there. What is it that you dread?

That's an excellent question @Floisme, what is it you dread?

Is it being seen? Being different? Being old? Being a woman?

Ooh, lots of food for thought so thank you all! (even the slightly less than complimentary ones!! haha! Nothing wrong with a bit of tough love when it's needed! (yes, I'm in a good mood today!))

Those modal Monki trousers, btw, are NOT thin and they hang beautifully. I get compliments when I wear them. I really dislike those green joggers, I can't think of a single body shape that is flattered by elasticated ankles! But we all have our preferences and that's fine!

There's a Seasalt shop not too far from where I live, but I have mixed feelings about their stuff - a lot of it I find doesn't hang great on me, and the prints can be rather fussy. But I have a blouse from there that I like.

I will definitely have a look at the Kibbe stuff and at the linked thread, thank you.

The last couple of posts have really made me pause. What do I dread? If you break it down, I'm not sure? I think there's a lot in my past, that I won't bore you with, regarding how I look. Until v recently I have always looked a lot younger than my years (most people think I'm about 15 years younger, and I still occasionally get strangers thinking I'm my granddaughter's mum, hahahah! Now that would be a miracel!) But I really don't mind starting to look my age, I just want to look nice to myself in the mirror. Dress appropriately? Well I think there are some things which are definitely inappropriate for most people (I'm not going to wear a tiny crop top and skinny jeans like a prepubescent 12 year old). But what does that mean otherwise? Hmm. Needs thought.

Glad you're asking the questions @mauvish, I would bring the words 'appropriate' and 'nice' into question too.

I'm not saying any of this to be dickish or aggressive. I think it bears examining when women say they want to look nice or appropriate, or any of the other apologetic words women use when they think about how they want to be seen by the world.

I guarantee no man uses those descriptors.

So let's throw those away!

If you asked the five year old you what clothes she desired, what would she say? I'm sure she had a good idea about how she wanted to dress. I know I did.

You don't really want to look 'nice', you want to look bloody brilliant and I bet you've got an idea about what that is to you.

well sadly no, I havent really. I'm feeloing really clueless.

The 5 year old me really, really wanted a rabbit fur coat and a little fluffy bolero cardi. The 5 year old me wasn't allowed to wear trousers of any nature so that didn't cross my mind. The 5 year old me also wanted to wear woolly tights that fitted in winter, with a gusset that reached my crotch rather than my knees! Strangely none of those things features on my wish list any more! 😂

Well I think there are some things which are definitely inappropriate for most people (I'm not going to wear a tiny crop top and skinny jeans like a prepubescent 12 year old). But what does that mean otherwise? Hmm. Needs thought.

You're not going to wear that tiny crop top though are you? It's not going to happen, not even by accident, so you can relax.

I see where you're coming from though. I think as we get older we start to overly fear 'getting it wrong' and making a spectacle of ourselves. The trouble is that figuring out what clothes work for you will inevitably involve trying new things, some of which will be right and some of which will turn out to be mistakes.

The most helpful thing that happened to me, clothes wise, was the day I was sitting by myself in a coffee shop when two young women took the table next to me, which hadn't been cleared or cleaned, and moved the dirty cups and plates from their table onto mine. They weren't being deliberately rude, they literally hadn't seen me. That pissed me off. But it also had a very positive effect because I decided that, seeing as no-one was looking at me, I might as well have some fun with how I dressed. It changed my whole attitude to making mistakes.

Like you I prefer real shops. When I shop online I stay in my comfort zone and it's a very short journey from there into a rut. I have to travel to decent shops now as the local high street is grim, so a couple of times a year I set aside a day and go looking. I often don't buy but I try on things I'd never normally consider, check the mirror and take photos.

I like the shape, length and colour of those Monki trousers. The fabric does look very floppy, and floppy can quickly turn to saggy but that might not matter if you get some fun out of them first. If you carry on loving them then that might be the time to invest in some in a more substantial fabric but first I'd just enjoy them and keep an eye on what other women are wearing with them.