Looking dreadful in photos

[Caterpillargirl23]

It's rare for me to see a photograph I look good in or myself in. I tried to avoid having my picture taken because I find the results upsetting.
I want to join in with the modern world and be able to show a picture of me on holiday to friends and family but it doesn't happen.
Typical situation: I spent time on my clothes / hair and make up for a birthday treat over the weekend. Had a picture taken and I may as well not have bothered with the effort, I looked awful. If I spend the same amount of time prepping food, then the results are generally good, it's not the same on me.
I don't really know what I look like because the mirror and the camera say different things, which is the truth? I thought I looked better with make up (mirror), then looked rubbish in the photo (now deleted of course).
I want to get over this issue, it's gone on for years now (I'm mid fifties).
No one really tries to take my picture, I don't know if that's because they think I look dreadful and they are being diplomatic or it doesn't occur to them to do it.

Anyone else been here and managed to change their mindset? Or managed to become more photogenic somehow?

I have always looked awful in photos. It doesn't matter how young I was I've always felt thoroughly miserable after seeing photos of myself. It's so weird because when I look in the mirror I think I'm attractive! And when I do selfies I can look really nice. But any photo taken by someone else is just horrible! The worst thing is that everyone else looks exactly the same in photos. I can only assume that what I see in photos is the real me!
We had a professional photographer at work last week. We were all forced to have our photos done. I've got mine back but am genuinely too scared to look at it. That's how much it affects me. It really gets me down.

Sorry but the article you linked to is ridiculous. 7 year-olds and 9 year-olds are not Gen Z 😂 Gen Z are more like 18-28.

@SallyWD I completely empathise. I can't even bring myself to take a selfie. Getting a new passport was fun.
When I was out over the weekend lots of people were having fun /taking pictures and I wished I could be carefree like then.

I have always hated photos of me but recently I looked at some from about 20 years ago when I was about 30 and now I think I looked attractive and can’t understand why I avoided the camera. Yet at the time I winced when I looked at them. We are always out own worst critic.

I could have written this post OP.
Have just come back from a weekend away with friends so lots of taken.
I thought I looked ok in the mirror. Fat and ugly in the photos

@ThePoshUns
It's so disheartening isn't it? Especially if you've put some effort into your looks.
I really want a mindset change, then I think the better pictures will follow.

Hi OP I feel for you, I could have written this. Long, thin, ugly nose that looks dreadful in pictures I’m always so embarrassed and hardly any pictures of me exist. I totally shy away from having my picture taken and do not do social media as a result. Now “trying” my best to try take a few as I have a 5 month old baby and I want some pictures to look back on. I look at a photo and I’m so embarrassed that that’s what I look like if you know what I mean. I also avoid hairdressers, beauty shops, nice clothing shops etc as I feel inadequate. I’m going to look at the tips on here for some hopefully helpful info so thanks for posting xx

Oh yeah forgot to add my fine, thin, non existent hair (which is currently even worse suffering post partum hair loss) :-(

I relate to all those soooo much. My only advice is to try and look happy. Looking back at photos of myself I looked so utterly miserable that I now always smile genuinely so at least I look happy and ugly, not sad and ugly.

I have thought this of myself for decades - I'm in my 60s now. But I look back on photos of me in my 20s/30s/40s/50s and realised I looked great. I was judging myself much too harshly. I bet there is an element of this for you.

I am sure that when I'm in my 70s I will look back on photos of me now and wonder what the hell I was worried about.

incidentally, the nicest photos of me aren't the ones when I've dressed up and made a effort but the more candid, relaxed ones. I think my dislike of being photographed comes across very clearly in posed shots.

You are not alone, I too look dreadful,I’ve stopped taking them as I just end up deleting them.I don’t know why my eyes are always closed.My friend insisted I had one taken with her recently, it was shocking, she looked great I looked hideous. I think you are either photogenic or you’re not end of.My Daughter insists anyone can look good on a picture if the lighting and angle is right, but I can’t be bothered faffing,

My Dad made having pictures taken as a child into such a stressful palaver it's effected me all my life! I hate having pictures taken and look as tense as I'm feeling. Like some of the PP I find I look back at my old pictures and wonder why I couldn't see how good I looked then. So I have a few things I'm trying to do going forward.

1. everything gets easier with practice, just being on more pictures is important. Ideally with someone who relaxes you makes for a better picture.
2. phone cameras can be shocking, they will emphasize the closest feature. For me that's my schnozz, my son looks like he has a jawline designed by He-man, our pictures are definitely us but not quite as we are in real life.
3. carrying a small point and shoot camera often produces better pics in my experience.
4. unless you're Mr Tickle it's really hard to take a good selfie, plus I get bored and disheartened really quickly. So I'll ask someone to take a picture for me. At least I can be physically comfortable that way.

Good luck OP, completely understand how you feel.

So many helpful and empathetic replies, thank you.
@FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall Yes I do look back at some old pictures and think I looked OK. However, I've been deleting or throwing bad pictures away for years, so only kept the better ones.
@mumofthemonsters808 My eyes are often half shut for some reason.

I just want some pictures of happy relaxed times of a friendly happy middle aged lady with her family doing things together.

I'm not expecting to look like Kylie M-we're the same age.