Help me define my style based on what I've just bought!

[Brieandbeetroot]

So I'm trying to dress, well, better! Stuff that looks nice, suits my shape, just generally make more of an effort.

I'm 34, 5'8", size 8 on top, size 10 on bottom, pear shape.

Here are links to stuff I've just bought. Any thoughts on whether it works for someone my shape/height and what I should be looking for to build my style? I suit warm, bright colours.

leather ankle boots

wrap top

bootcut jeans

wrap dress

midi dress

navy top

tan ankle boots

wide leg trousers

Thank you!

I think that's part of the problem though, my style/what I find visually appealing tends towards smart and I don't know how to translate that into casual wear. So I end up wearing stuff I don't like or never having the right things.

I'm 100 per cent guilty of having plenty of occasion outfits and shoes that I hardly wear and don't want to buy any more but I can't get excited by a pair of trainers and jogging trousers, however nice they are.

What would you classify as a simple summer dress? I don't even know where to start with that as I dislike the trend for frilly, voluminous or overly patterned.

One thing I know is I like strong plain colours.

Buy a copy of the Curated Closet by Anuschka Rees.

red dress

jumpsuit

I like both of those for sort of day to day wear in the spring summer? What would you wear over on cooler days? Jacket? Thin knit? Footwear, trainers/sandals?

Thanks @Cyclingmummy1 I will have a look at that!

Look up the Free People Love of my Life dress. I think that blends your smarter look with being a bit more relaxed. I have had a couple for years now and they don't feel dated.

I think the red mango dress is a bit 'officey'. The jumpsuit could be nice. I'd wear both with sandals, but mainly because I'm not a huge trainer wearer. I don't think the red dress lends itself v well to wearing anything over it which is the fundamental issue with most of your picks - they go with nothing else!!

OP, six days out of seven you are at home, gardening and looking after a toddler. Are you shopping for a fantasy life or the one you actually lead? On a practical basis, what clothes do you need? I'd start there.

I think this is why I never get anywhere. My work wardrobe is great, but I only go into the office once a week. I've never been a great casual dresser and it's worse now that it needs to not only be casual but functional! I suppose I just dont want to wear wellies and a raincoat all the time but I enjoy the activities themselves, like I like exercise but I don't want to wear exercise gear all the time either.

This thread has been helpful, if only to confirm that I'm making the wrong choices/no longer have any clue about how to dress for the life I've got!

Have a look at the what I’m wearing today threads. I’ve found them really inspiring. There are a couple of posters on there whose style I really admire and I have gone on the hunt of a few items based on that. (I won’t name the posters as it probably sounds a bit stalky!)

A couple of maxi dresses and a denim jacket? White trainers\tennis shoes I have Fred Perry and M&S. dresses are so easy chuck em over your head and your done. ASOS have some nice ones and Hush are nice, Sugarhill and some M&s ones are nice. Or a leather jacket.

@Brieandbeetroot - you're 34 and you're dressing like you're twenty years older - all those wrap styles are very dated. You're also buying clothes that are far too smart/occasion in style for the lifestyle that you have.

What's really interesting is that the clothes you linked to in your next post from Zara are all really modern, fluid, shapeless and colourful in style - totally different to the stuff you've just bought. The second lot of clothes are much younger, more creative, more fashion forward - what's stopping you from dressing like this already, I wonder?

I'm slightly older than you, childfree (by choice), and I still wear what I wore in my twenties, though I've embraced high waisted jeans/trousers now rather than those awful low slung ones we used to wear back in the 00's. Honestly the clothes you linked to make me think of a woman in her late 50s/60s who still wears what was fashionable c.2005. But that woman isn't really you! You want to be colourful and edgy in boxy and draped styles that to me are very European in style - so start shopping in Cos, Zara, Arket, & Other Stories - these will be a good place to start. I love French style, too - Sézane does amazing trousers, in particular if you're slightly taller - their wide legged trousers are gorgeous and I have several pairs. If you find yourself being drawn to slightly smarter stuff, don't shy away from it - I often wear smart trousers with trainers, a t shirt and a bomber jacket - you can dress them down. Same with a silky dress like the Zara one you linked to - wear that with Birkenstocks and a denim jacket and you'll have a very different look than if you wore it with high heels.

Take some risks and stop seeing yourself as a middle aged woman. Buy what you feel instinctively drawn to and start building a new capsule wardrobe from there.

This is what I'd do, OP, though I'm a lot older than you so feel free to ignore! I would start by going to Zara again (if that's the best store near you) and trying on every pair of casual trousers you like the look of and maybe also those that don't immediately grab you. Aim to try on up to a dozen and really think about how useful they are to your actual life as well as how good you look. DO NOT try on workwear or party clothes. Then I'd get a couple of good basics like a black vest and a white T-shirt (maybe a bit oversized), so you can try them on at home with stuff you already have in your wardrobe. Google 'how to style [whatever trousers you've bought]' for looks you like and work out how to replicate them, bringing in the bright plain colours and dressier pieces you like. I think if you did a Pinterest board it would really help you as you'd find you were pinning the same looks over and over again. Think what small number of items (eg trainers, a great dress, denim jacket, crossbody bag, gilet) you might need to build up the look & maybe look for professional help & visiting a wider number of stores at this stage to make sure you're getting it right.

Am I ask why you would not wear trainers on the 35 minute walk to work and then change into other shoes when you get to the office? I don't know anyone who walks to work in their work shoes (even if said work shoes are not heels). Mine are loafer type but would rub my heels if I walked too far in them, and it wrecks them. My only exception to this is when I wear knee high boots in winter.

It doesn't matter if the trainers don't match the rest of your outfit.

I like your taste in clothes, I'm over 45 and I am a conservative dresser (with a non conservative personality!) but to help me break out of my box I started using Stitch Fix who are online. Their stylists send you a box of 5 items of clothing, shoe, accessories to try on at home. The styling charge is £10 which they knock off anything you buy. Receiving and sending is free of charge and you get to preview the items online before they arrive. Its great for setting you up before a new season or an event. I really dislike shopping so this works for me. I would say Zara is well worth a visit as well because I've bought a fair amount from there and feel they are still classic but not dated.

Honestly I'd sod "dressing for your shape" which in itself feels dated and instead choose colours that bring you joy and look great on you.

I second Stitch Fix, love them!

You are not stumpy and you don't needs heels. Put the rules away in a box and revisit them in about twenty years. You don't need to dress like your mum or Kate Middleton or a retired air hostess, you are young, slim and above average height, you will look amazing in loads of stuff.

The wool trousers will be great for work next Autumn, one pair of new boots will probably suffice.

Focus one one or two everyday casual summer outfits. Maybe a summer dress and (shock horror) something along the lines of a pair of cropped jeans. Remember that your pear shaped bottom will probably look better than the models skinny one.
Safe https://www.sezane.com/en/product/le-crop/denim#size-4

Pushing it but worth experimenting with https://www.freepeople.com/uk/shop/osaka-jeans/?category=boyfriend-jeans&color=094&type=REGULAR&quantity=1

T-shirt https://www.poetryfashion.co.uk/product-UX90-POETT/colour-a-blue-lagoon/tshirts-tops/linen-jersey-turnedover-neck-top.htm or nice top https://www.zara.com/uk/en/gathered-satin-top-p03562581.html?v1=263305202&v2=2184451 and your your blazer. Plus sensible sandals like Fitflops, so that you can do country walks and hare around the garden with your toddler. Or maybe even trainers.

It is really common to have a style glitch after children. Be brave and try different things, laugh when necessary.

The best advice I’ve heard is to dress for the life you have. So I think about situations I’ve been in where I’ve not had the right thing to wear and shop for those. Tends to be casual night in the pub, but where I have to walk 20 mins each way, so the footwear and jeans I’d like to wear doesn’t work. Or days out in a city doing a bit of sightseeing and a lunch (again, tends to be the shoes that are the issue).

On the same theme buy an outfit, or something to complete an outfit, rather than just stuff you like.

I used to be good at these kind of things but need to go back to basics!

There’s also a good TikTok account I follow which is a woman in her 40s buying a new capsule wardrobe. It’s good because she orders and tries on lots of one type of clothing eg a white tshirt or jeans.

I love this advice! I think they call it serotonin dressing.

@Leftbutcameback what is the name of the person on Tiltok?

Good morning and thank you for all the suggestions and recommendations. I must confess AF had started yesterday so I was probably feeling especially hormonal when I ordered the Kate Middleton-middle aged air hostess clothing 😂

I am really taking on board everything that's being said and it really does resonate in that I am looking at clothes in the wrong way, which is as a means to hide the bits I don't like or are somehow not appealing rather than as an opportunity to wear stuff I love. In particular I really do love colour and have shied away from much black for quite a long time.

I have a few really nice thick basic t shirts in some of my favourite colours that I bought last year from Uniqlo and just uncovered in the summer stuff I'd put away. Am thinking of maybe a pair of cropped trousers and a pleated skirt, plus some trainers and a jacket? Quite liked the idea of a denim jacket someone mentioned.

I haven't owned a full length mirror in about 4 years either so that has made things harder! Will be buying a new one asap.

I didn't look at your age, and based the clothes alone I assumed you must be about 50-60. Not meant to be rude of offensive to anyone, but I am older than you and to me those clothes are for (fuddy duddy) grown ups. Sorry!

I would call your choices classic rather than safe ( not much living the wrap top though, that does look a bit old). I am a fan of classic and I like your dresses, though not a personal fan of the boots you have chosen.

I wonder if you are getting the ‘safe’ thing here as it’s the style section and you have an over representation of people who like ‘edgy’ , or just the very latest fashion.

Finally, I am small breasted and suit wrap dresses. I am petite all over, it’s about proportion not size.

I like your fondness for strong colour, that's something people often shy away from, it isn't safe.

I think the wrap dress in your original post was nice, and the things you link later look more current.

You like looking more polished and struggle with what to wear when not at home... I didn't work this out until the pandemic. So my suggestion is to look over your work tops, dresses and trousers and consider whether they can be worn when not at work. My wardrobe entirely shifted to the midway point between work and lost, scruffiness. I found trousers that weren't denim and weren't clearly work.

Remember you don't need a lot, focus on what you have that you like, do a great wardrobe clearout and then take your time.

I'm going to be unhelpful and not comment on the actual clothes (sorry!) but was drawn to what you were saying about your lifestyle of outdoorsy+toddler+gardening. I'm similar, but I love beautiful clothes, and getting dressed and buying clothes is a challenge - so my tip would be to buy what can be washed easily and doesn't mind getting grubby. Doesn't have to be leggings and trainers, why not look at a couple of decent pairs of cords and or jeans (try Uniqlo or Toast via Vinted or Depop) and some blundstone boots- hard-wearing but also cool and a bit more on trend than ankle boots. I wear mine for muddy work and out and about in woods and playgrounds, but if you give them a clean and polish they look smart too.