Struggling to make an effort

[Orangeradiorabbit]

TL;DR I work from home and live in a small town, and I'm struggling to make an effort with my appearance. This has left me feeling down.

I'm mid-late 30s, and was always glamorous in my younger years. However, the past 10 years I've really "let myself go". I would do with losing 1-2 stone, and I don't bother with hair, makeup, clothes. I think I struggle because it takes me a lot of time to get ready: I have extremely frizzy hair, which I don't mind, but means I always wear it in a messy bun otherwise it would take heat styling and too long to do. I wear glasses with a strong prescription, every style looks awful on, so unless I wear contact lenses I look terrible.

Because I work from home everyday, it doesn't feel worthwhile to put the effort into my appearance. Most weekends I just potter around the house or the local town. It doesn't feel worthwhile (for example) wearing nice clothes if my hair looks a mess and I'm wearing glasses. It doesn't feel worthwhile to do my makeup if I'm wearing glasses etc. It all feels a lot of effort to get myself "done". However, when I catch myself in the mirror, I feel very disappointed and sad with what I see. In vanity I feel like I'm "wasting" the rest of my youth. Especially when I watch films or Instagram with women the same age as me looking great.

How do you do it? How do you motivate yourself to make an effort every day? I tend to hide from my appearance but deep down inside I wish I could make the effort to "look great".

I think you just have to tell yourself you are worthwhile and get on with it - not that there is anything wrong with not making an effort, of course.

For me it is just part of my morning routine to shower, contact lenses, makeup, dress in nice clothes - even if I am working from home. My hair is lower effort so I do wash/dry/straighten it every day, but maybe you could do some other bits and stick with the messy bun? Could you get some nicer versions of the clothes you usually wear (not necessarily dressy-uppy fancy stuff) and ditch the stuff that isn’t making you feel good?

What about doing a style challenge for a month? Challenging yourself to come up with some new outfits? There’s various ones around but it’s like 1st of the month polka dots, 2nd pink, 3rd floral, or whatever. Some you even post a pic so then there’s more motivation. If you’re on Facebook try the Style Sisterhood group.

It also takes me what feels like ages to get ready but I definitely feel better for it. And actually basic make up needn’t take that long.

There’s only so many hours in the day. Take some time from elsewhere and use it for yourself. Maybe let the housework slide a bit. Or cook something easier.
You’re too young to be feeling like this about yourself.

Don’t make it yet another thing to fit in though, move it up the list and drop something else.

’it’ might be drying your hair nicely, or putting some tanning drops and moisturiser on your face…start small.

@Orangeradiorabbit I could have written your post! Even down to the glasses bit/not bothering with contact lenses and wfh.

What I'm trying is doing small changes. So I'm drinking 3L water a day plus low carb to bring my weight down. I always wear lipstick when out plus brush my hair. I have recently purchased a new style of specs which I feel sexy in. I have gotten my eyebrows threaded, so I look a bit more groomed with/without makeup.

I found "what I'm wearing today" thread to be helpful as it pushes me to make a bit of an effort instead of putting the same sweatpants and sweatshirt on each day like I used to do in the early days of my maternity leave.
As for other things like working out, I have noticed big difference in the way I am treated by others (and in the way I feel about myself) when I know I look good, I am confident about my body etc. People judge by the looks, and where I live people are very straightforward about it and will tell you if they think you've put on some weight or you are too big being a UK size 10. Comments about weight are seen as a positive thing here (the other person cares about you and tries to help, because being on a bit plumpier side is seen by most people as lazy"), and as it's a typical stereotype over here that "foreign women all get fat after 30" (their words, not mine) I feel quite motivated to prove everybody who told me this wrong (by being a size 8 which is far from being considered "thin" here, but it's at least seen as "acceptable"). Not the greatest motivation I know, but it works for me.