Spending when feeling down

[Usernamen]

Does anyone else do this?

I knew this week was going to be a shit-show at work, so while getting my eyebrows done in a department store yesterday, I bought an expensive serum.

I don’t need a serum. I have back-up’s for my back-up’s in terms of skincare. This isn’t even my regular serum and I doubt I will use it much. It made me feel good for all of 30 minutes. Back to feeling down about the shit-show work week.

Does anyone have any tips on how to stop doing this? It’s not an affordability thing and I’m not in debt, but it’s just a complete waste of money and really ineffective at making me feel better. ARGH.

Thanks for reading.

You work hard so treat yourself once in a while. Remember how good you felt in those 30mins.

It’s not worth it though :(

I have savings goals I could achieve quicker if I didn’t spunk money on serums every time I’m depressed about work.

When you feel the impulse to spend could you transfer the equivalent amount to your savings account?

I guess it depends how often you impulse buy when depressed about work.

Can you keep a list of stuff you actually need? Probably not serums but maybe some tees for summer, trainers, stuff that you will actually use. Then save towards that.

Yes definitely this!

Maybe use Revolut and set up a vault that you can transfer money into. Try and get the same buzz from seeing the total in your vault go up and up! Then you can really treat yourself to something big.

Use the serum. It’s only a waste if it sits in the drawer. I recognise that urge and indulge it- I bought a blue mascara when my dog died and a handbag when a beloved relative died.

Sometimes I can distract myself planning what to buy for a specific purpose, enjoying looking at all the options then not actually buying. It can give me some of that same hit without spending on things I don't even need, let alone have space for. You could plan your next holiday or home improvements, spend ages going through all the options. Basically you have (& me) a maladaptive coping strategy, though one retailers try to push you into so it gets reinforced a lot by advertising. The alternative is to develop other coping strategies, I used to run before I got sick. A psychologist could help you identify strategies that could work for you, it takes time, effort and practice to make changes like these stick.

When I think about it, I do often try to cheer myself up with something nice that I vaguely need, but sometimes, like yesterday, it’s a complete impulse purchase out of nowhere.

I have a running list of things I need, yes, and I’m generally quite organised with my spending. Which is why moments like this are so distressing.

OP, we all deserve a treat.

However, this was the start of a serious problem for me. I fell into a serious spending problem resulting in debt after suffering a lot of loss in my life.

I ended up owing £16,000 to catalogues, store cards etc. I kept it all a secret from my DH. When he found out, he paid half of it but it was all the savings we had. I then did it again and he left me.

I have since worked really hard to clear the debt, therapy, antidepressants and thank god we went to marriage counselling and worked things out but I ended up losing everything within a year.

Please be careful, recognising that you're doing it to give you a boost for feeling down is a good start. My therapist explained to my Husband and I that it's a dopamine hit, same as gamblers, sex addicts. You feel awful after because the high comes down pretty quickly.

🙋 trying to stop

i go to home bargains for absolutely nothing but even buying something makes me feel better. Times are shit right now , if it brings some joy do it x

if You’re not getting into debt then it is not as big a problem but I do understand why you want to nip it in the bud. I have the same urge and the way I deal with it is to keep a list of non-urgent ‘needs’ and then when the urge hits - I check the list and take my time browsing for the right item. I get that little injection of pleasure but I keep it ‘safe’ by only getting stuff that I would have gotten in each case within a month or two.

I spend when I’m down but it does cheer me up - I also plan other treats that don’t cost as much and reward myself in other ways eg a long hot bath when I really should be doing housework
How about online shopping - fill your basket but don’t actually check out - revisit in a few days when hopefully the urge has gone
I enjoy looking for things I need like the perfect black hand bag but I don’t have to buy to cheer my mood
All that said I can splurge large amounts on jewellery to commiserate or celebrate
I’ve never regretted the ring I bought when my Dad died, or the earrings when I crashed my car, most recently I was flattened the day after the Queen died and bought a ring because it reminded me of a tiara - so I am not the best person to advise!

If it's not opened can you return it?

What about allowing yourself a 'shitnhappens' amount? So put £20 a month or whatever into a seperate account, and that's the money you can spend on buying yourself some happy when you need it.

I do it too, mines always clothes. Normally a pretty dress for the social life I don't have 😁

As someone who used to be a very impulsive spender, I have to say any advice along the lines of "just treat yourself" or "you deserve it" is terrible.

It is clearly not a treat if you feel terrible after 30 minutes. I know jobs can be very stressful (I have one which makes me feel like my hair will fall out because I'm so stressed sometimes - I am constantly having to look for funding for my own job) but preemptively shopping cause you have a hard week coming up doesn't make things any better.

Instead, try to think about what would make your week easier, and invest in that. Maybe spending money on a relaxing massage, a coffee with a sympathetic friend, even a therapist would be better? Things that give me a sense of long-term wellbeing is not stuff but rather things like a good exercise, spending time in nature/outdoors, reading fiction (there's a study somewhere I read recently that reading 15 minutes of fiction can reduce your stress levels significantly). I recently said in another thread that shopping is never an answer to emotional distress because it's like a black hole which will never be sated - it's better to tackle the cause of what makes you feel like you want/need to shop. You can't buy your way out of stress, but you can invest in things that will make your life easier when stressed.

These are the things that give me a sense of wellbeing long-term:
Financial independence, and a fall-back fund (if I lose my job/something else drastic happens)
Planning for holidays
Yoga (or any physical activity of your choosing)
eating nice foods
Music, including going to gigs
Spending my money on doing things with friends and family
gardening (something v grounding about getting your hands covered in soil)
Reading and learning something new and fun (so not work-related, and not goal-oriented)
getting out of the house in general

This is different for everyone but shopping wouldn't be even in my Top 50. I feel like shopping is often a stress response in the way of "fuck it, things are already going to shit so I might as well spend and go shopping". It feels to me like the same phenomenon as taking your anger out on inanimate objects - very human but ultimately you just hurt yourself.

Agree with @Pigtailsandall completely. And yes there is some terrible advice on this thread.

’Treats’ are to make you feel better. Clearly the OP does not feel better for the serum and recognises it as an unhappy pattern.

OP, buying stuff is about change (changing your look, changing your skin) so channel that and make a change you actually want.

You need a different dopamine hit, as pp have said.

I am having a very bad day today, but going to resist the urge to shop or eat sugar or vent on SM.

Instead I will:
walk in the park
watch an episode of Schitts Creek or any other fun sitcom
Have a bubble bath
Listen to a true crime podcast
Make plans to meet a friend over Easter
Cook something satisfying