Appearance-This might sound ridiculous..

[bronte83]

This might sound ridiculous and in the current climate completely unimportant, but how do mums manage to look half decent? I have an almost 3 year old, who I look after and I pretty much make zero effort with my appearance. I just don’t have time. I see women with children and they are dressed nicely, hair washed and I’m in my worse clothes, greasy hair and no makeup. My little boy gets up around 6-6.30am and demands my attention from then on. I feel bad showering when he’s having breakfast, as I don’t want him to be sat on his own and by the evening when he’s in bed, I’m too knackered and can’t be bothered to have one! If I put on nice clothes he ruins them, I don’t really wear that much makeup, but I can’t even do that as he wants to ‘help’ me put it on or wants to put it on himself. So every day I end up putting on the same old, oversized leggings and jumper, scraping my hair back and giving up! I don’t particularly feel good about myself, but am I just being vain or should I find some elusive time to make more effort?!

The other women stick their kid in front of the TV and shower, it's 15 minutes. They don't allow their kids to ruin their clothes. He's three years old, not three months old. Organise your clothes the night before, have some minimum standards, he shouldn't be ruining anything, take the time to shower. Or just crack on as you were.

This may not be top tier parenting, but showering is non-negotiable so I stick mine in front of the tablet while I get ready, with the monitor on so I can make sure he's safe. He usually comes and plays in my room while I'm doing my make up - I just say 'No, this isn't for you to play with'. Or I explain what it is in great detail and he gets bored 😁

Most parenting days I wear leggings and a Fatface tunic or a long jumper, or jeans and a comfy top. Hands get cleaned after eating so I'm not sure what is making you so messy? Nails are painted in the evening when I can be bothered. Hair is fine with a quick blow dry to neaten, it's very straight and low-maintenance. Rarely wear jewellery.

I am in no way as polished as I was pre-child, but I look acceptable to me.

Aww hun, it's not easy looking after children but please try to make some me time for yourself. I was in the situation your in years ago. I was so focused on looking after my 2 kids I lost myself along the way. I put on weight, stopped wearing make-up, eating fast food and not exercising, clothes unwashed, showering when I could be bothered. Even running a brush through my hair was a task but one day I took one good long hard look at myself and hated what was staring back at me in the mirror and from that day onwards I made baby step efforts to sorting myself out and haven't looked back. Some days it's challenging as I've been diagnosed with endometriosis stage 4 but if I do even one little thing I feel I've achieved something. It's not vain in any way to just to want to looking good but more it was self pride that spurred me on. Good luck! x

Yes agree with PPs - it's telling that you say you "feel guilty" leaving him to eat his breakfast alone. I think a lot of this is about how you feel about being a mum. Yes it is very hard having young children but at 3 you can leave them while you get ready and set boundaries for them to not grab your stuff. Is he neurodiverse? Most 3yos are not quite that demanding as you describe. There are plenty of nice clothes that aren't cream or dry clean only so it doesn't matter if they get a bit of something on them, you can wash them at the end of the day. Are you depressed? You aren't just a mum and you can do this ✌🏼

Keep whatever you need to make you feel more presentable in a place where he is occupied. It took me a while to realise this!

For example., whilst DS is having a bath, I file and put nail strengthener and top coat on my nails. Whilst he is having his breakfast (he takes longer to eat cereal than toast, I’ve realised), I put my make up on in the kitchen.

Thanks for all the tips, I think I’ve realised it might be more of a mental health blockage, stopping me from making an effort. Regarding all the other comments..Wow! Just to clarify, I work as well as looking after my little boy, my husband works away all week. I make sure I’m the best example I can be to my little boy, he is clean, well fed and loved. My house is clean and tidy, he goes to play group in the morning (I work during this time). I’m not at his beck and call, he loves company, but equally he can play by himself, he just mostly wants to play with me! I would certainly say I’m not a martyr,
just have the usual mum guilt, especially as he will be an only child, so I feel more pressure to entertain him. As for him messing up ‘every item of clothes every day’ I cuddle him, I pick him up, he smears food on me or wipes his hands on me. He is in nursery, so he is ill pretty much all the time, so I get covered in snot.

As for him messing up ‘every item of clothes every day’ I cuddle him, I pick him up, he smears food on me or wipes his hands on me.

Wash his hands before you cuddle him or pick him up...

Thank you.He’s very bright and loves company, but is happy to play on his own, I guess the issue is with me. He will eat his breakfast on his own fine and I do say ‘no’ just feel guilty all the time!

I have 2 kids 4.5 and 1.

I shower every evening when they're in bed. Yes sometimes I'm knackered but I make myself.

Clothes nothing special but not scruffy either. Jeans and a jumper / top or leggings and a dress.

I paint my nails and straighten my hair with ghds.

Make up - I have a 5 minute routine that I do while the baby naps or entertains herself in the cot with toys (in this case I grab my mirror and do it in the room next to her). My eldest is either at school for this or just entertains himself.

You can do it

Thank you, you are absolutely right, I also have endometriosis and PCOS and our child is an IVF baby, born through lockdown. I also lost my amazing dad to cancer before he was born, so It’s been a tough few years. I think I need to just be kinder to myself. Thanks for your kind words and I hope you are managing your endo, I know how tough it can be.

Wipe his hands after every meal before you cuddle him. Wipe his nose regularly. I mean the rest of us do manage to cuddle our kids but you don’t need to let him smear food on you and wipe his hands on you. And to be honest it does sound martyr-like to say you can’t take care of basic hygiene like washing yourself because he ‘demands your attention’ from 6am each and every single day.

I have a three year old too and it's just started to get easier! I bath/shower on an evening and put a little makeup on. When he was very little I used to do my makeup and hair in the kitchen and have a mirror on a stand (one's you have in bathrooms) in my kitchen cupboard.

My hair is always up so that's easy, I never know how these mums manage the lovely hairstyles in a morning.

I often wear leggings and a jumper so but try to make the effort every now and again to mix it up especially if doing anything nice.

Sorry about your lovely dad OP

I'm so sorry you lost your Dad. I was in the same situation myself. I lost my Dad suddenly to cancer 2 months before my daughter coming up to his 11 year anniversary was born. The last month due to stress I'd high blood pressure and though my daughter was healthy it was touch and go with my life. She also has Autism so it's been a challenging time in-between managing my endometriosis. You sound so strong with so much going on in your life. That in itself is a positive outlook. Well done & you can get through this challenging time x

@bronte83
Before you start any purchases/ haircuts etc, try 10 minutes a day mindfulness. Youtube it.
Give it a 2 weeks.
Write 5 things you want to achieve this year.
Good luck.
You sound like an amazing person, life can knock us in many ways.
You are worth the effort. Your dad is always with you in your heart xx

You are allowed to look after yourself. I after with the above, tv and you have shower. I believe in a long mac, it looks stylish and covers up leggings and t shirt underneath. I have one from H&M and it's ankle length, and I'm tall. And it's washable. Have a shower at night, let your hair dry then. I like messy hair but not dirty hair. Oh and yes, batiste. I also think having your nails done gives the impression of looking smarter, I only have shellac on my very short nails, but I hate my crappy nails.

Sorry you’ve had a tough time.

if you’re on Facebook, look up Style Me Happy community group. Really lovely and supportive group of women in similar situations and sharing style tips.

Cut yourself some slack - I am by no means well groomed, but I happily put CBeebies on while I have a quick shower and bung on some very basic makeup. My 3yo doesn't always stay in front of the telly, but if not she's happy enough watching me shower and get ready. It makes a real difference to how I feel about myself and my day if I take that small amount of time in the morning.

I've also upgraded my casual clothes (all on Vinted, so I've not spent a lot) to things that I feel a bit more up to date in - just nice jeans, jumpers, dresses, jumpsuits etc. Everything can be bunged in the wash (I can't keep things clean when spending the day with messy kids either) - but I feel good in my casual stuff, rather than just slobbing about in old, ill fitting things which I did for too long!

If you don't shower it makes you feel like shit. Then you don't bother with anything else. Because you feel like shit and it's midday now so what's the point etc.

By necessity you are now a "morning person" whether you like it or not! So embrace it. Getting up at 5.30am won't make much difference to anything energy wise but it'll give you a clear half hour to get ready in peace, which is a whole different vibe to getting ready while clock watching knowing any minute now that call of "muuuuuummmmy" will be occurring. Soon, start training your DC to tell the time. Not perfectly, but he's capable soon of understanding that he's to stay in bed until the little hand is on 7, even if he's awake. That gives you a chance to not have to get up so early to have your peaceful getting ready time.

Get rid of the grotty clothes! Then you'll have to wear nice ones. Accept that clothes get trashed regularly and will need replacing. Don't buy expensive things. At the end of each season weed out the tatty, stained, faded, saggy and shapeless or bobbled ones. At the start of each season assess what you've got and what you need to buy.

As you're starting from zero you probably don't even have a skincare routine at the moment, so even a tinted moisturizer, BB or CC cream, serum foundation or similar will be an improvement over using nothing. Some mascara and a tinted lip balm too. Keep nails short and neat, file them weekly. Scrub under your nails and take your makeup off before bed, use a night cream, oil, serum or all 3 if you need it and clean your teeth again. Have a simple haircut that doesn't need much styling and wash it at least once a week. If you have pierced ears, a pair of good quality stud earrings are quick and easy to put on, not likely to be pulled out by DC and won't irritate your ears when worn every day like cheap ones might. Don't spend a fortune and expect to replace occasionally when you lose one.

Vinted is brilliant, I've done as a lot of PPs have and created myself a very easy wardrobe cheaply. So I have a series of clothes that I know will fit and look ok whether that be for work or home and don't have to think about it. I shower and wash my hair at night, which is a crime to some people on Mumsnet but it makes my mornings easier. There are a lot of little things you can do to make it a bit less of a stress.

There is a lot to feel guilty about, being a parent, but don't let a little bit of self care be one of those things.

I know it's hard, I have three kids, my littlest was born just before lockdown and I had the home schooling stuff with the eldest, plus I've got an autoimmune condition so life can be a bit harder. It's not always easy to put yourself first but you would be surprised how much better you feel for it.

Wear leather leggings! Just as comfy. Wipe clean look my more effortful!

This is exactly what I do! But I don’t have eyebrows or lashes done or wear makeup… instead I have bright neon gel nails done every 3 weeks meaning that my messy dry-shampoo bun, giant shirt, leggings and white Nike hitops looks deliberate! I also like a bright sweater or cardi too. Takes people’s attention away from my tired face 🥱 I also use a really nice body spray all over myself if I haven’t showered.

As @quietnightmare says, get a capsule wardrobe, make it look deliberate (sometimes I wear a headscarf and get compliments and have to stop myself saying “it’s to hide the grease” lol)…

Lastly, and most importantly, try not to compare to other people. You never know what people are carrying around. 😉

I had a 3 and 2 year old who weren't over compliant at times but I always managed to slap on some make up and wash my hair. My uniform was pretty much levis and t shirts for their childhood, actually still is to be fair. It doesn't take much effort- I also had an evening job so had to look pretty decent for that. Not sure why you're so stressed.

I dont understand how people cant find the time to shower, dress nice etc.
i had 2 under 2 and i always found some time. Do you have an extremely difficult child?
I think at 3 years old he should be old enough to entertain himself for 20mins while youre in the shower. Cant he play with some toys on the bathroom floor? 🤷🏻‍♀️