When your body doesn’t match your personal style

[Tarantellah]

I have an English Rose kind of look. Pale, rosy cheeks, fair wavy hair, rounded body with full hips. I look great in soft pastels and flowery dresses cinched in at the waist.

The problem is it doesn’t match my personality or what I want to look like. I want to look like an architect. Black clothes, plain colours, boxy shapes which suit a skinny body with no hips. Styles which don’t suit me at all, and which don’t look right on me.

Basically what happens is I try on clothes I like but I look shit in them. Then I try on clothes I hate which look great on my body but they aren’t me. So I end up not buying anything. I live in plain sweaters and black trousers because I can’t find anything that I like which also suits me. Help!

The French style is so elusive. Navy blazer and immediately I look like a British Airways hostess.

Weight loss isn’t very easy for me. I’m peri-menopausal and my stomach is a mess from pregnancy and c section so it will never be flat. And I’m convinced my bones stretched during pregnancy because I weigh less than I did pre-pregnancy but my old clothes are still too small?!

I currently have a BMI of 22. I could lose a stone and drop to BMI 20 but it would be a struggle to maintain. And that still wouldn’t make me thin. Annoyingly I still seem fat even at a low BMI because of my body shape.

I hear you. I like a preppy look but shirts (before they all got so oversized) wouldn’t go over my big bust and cable knit v neck sweaters look absolutely dreadful. I also would like to be able to carry off a mainly neutral palette but actually look better in bright warm colours like orange and yellow.

Colour is a problem for me too. I have soft English Rose colouring so I don’t suit stark black and white, or cool colours like electric blue or bright green. Which are the colours of all of these trendy minimal clothes that I want to wear! They don’t make them in the soft colours that suit me. I buy some grey, navy and cream clothes but lots of nice stuff only comes in black, which is no good for me.

If you find an item you like in electric blue you could dye it navy. Ditto white.

My main problem is huge boobs so I look like a battleship in full sail. I buy shirts to fit my bust and then take them in elsewhere as I find trying to slim the bits that are thinner helps. Perhaps try that and then French tuck the shirt into some high waisted trousers - that will emphasize your waist

I do think it is sad, and horribly pervasive how so many people think we have to be tall and tanned (or young) to look and feel good in clothes. It's so limiting!

I get you op.
I am very fair and slight, and suit the pretty ballerina look, the gossamer fairy. But I love more strident clothes and styles.
I have noticed that familiarity is key, what se are used to seeing around us becomes accepted. The Olsen twins didn't allow being petite to stop them embracing a more masculine aesthetic, and I have found those who do go against the grain of rigid, tired old rules (always aimed at women, especially if they are older) look better, somehow.

Everyone says they need to be slim to suit clothes, but when you are slim you realise this isn't the point, or no slimmer women would ever have a style crisis.

I think stepping put of stereotyping ourselves is a good start. Life is way too short to hem ourselves in to repressive standards and rules. I say just take some tentative steps to familiarise yourself with what you love, wear it, and become familiar with it.
Many, many women with your physique and look simply don't like flowery, fitted and feminine clothes, and they look just fine!

Good grief OP don't listen to previous suggestion of weight loss! You do not have to be stick thin to look good. There'll be women more knowledgeable than me coming along to suggest styles but I just had to chime in there as a BMI of 22 is already slim and starving yourself is a ridiculous idea.

Interesting - these are the slims parts of my body.

What sort of tops do you wear to show off your collarbone?

Op if you have instagram, follow Disappearhere she is also a pale, fair English rose with a curvy soft body but she has the most immaculate, minimal, tailored style. I love her and you could really get some cool ideas from following her.

Ha ha. I was thinking my personal style is Swimsuit Model, my actual body - Person before a stomach staple, well not quite but the struggle is real!

Have you ever seen 'workin moms' on netflix? Sloane has curves but you wouldn't see her dead in a flowery dress. She's very cool and tailored. Don't box yourself into a corner. There are lots of looks for rhe curvy lady.

Agreed. I also think a breezy “just lose weight” misses the point. There is much more to body shape than thinner or less thin. I’d love to be willowy but however much weight I lose I never will be- I’ll just be my current body type but with less fat, won’t suddenly sprout long limbs or lose my boobs.

As I get older I increasingly just wear the things I like and worry less about whether iIt suits me. I’d much rather enjoy clothes as a means of self-expression, or because they are practical, than dress to try to trick people that my body is closer to a particular ideal than it really is (which is what people often mean when they say something suits them- it makes them look thinner or detracts from perceived flaws). If my actual image and my self-image don’t quite align, no matter.

Most people do look taller when they lose weight and breasts tend to shrink with weight loss on 99% of people if you lose enough weight that's why for a breasts reduction the recommendation is to lose weight first. My comment was before op updated us with her bmi and it's entirely her prerogative if she doesn't want to lose weight.

A better bra will do wonders.

Work out which neutral suits you best. Black makes a lot of people look old and haggard. Keep black to the bottom half or if wearing black dress, wear coloured or light shade cardi over the top.

Neutrals navy, camel, beige, white, dark grey, pale grey etc. Which of them suits you better? Neutrals are on trend right now so lots available.

Ebay for clothes in specific colours and styles.

Don't give up but do think out of the box - you can build up your own style interpretation and get the overall vibe

Oh, I do get you! I really want to look gamine! Like Audrey Tatou. Big jumpers slipping off my shoulders. Oversized men's shirts with baggy jeans. Loose-fit blazers.

But, I'm inverted triangle. I'm slim, but with big boobs, and my shoulders are the widest bit of me. If I wear anything loose fitting, it hangs from those two widest points and make me look bigger all over. I have to wear fitted, at least on top. And then all anyone sees is BOOBS.

Colour wise go for charcoal and cream rather than black and white. Much softer.

the colours of all of these trendy minimal clothes that I want to wear

Dyeing clothes has been a game changer for me. I tend to wear mostly natural fabrics anyway.

Dylon machine dye, Dylon Pre-dye Fabric colour stripper plus colour catcher sheets once they are dyed mean I can produce.

I first tried it during lock down when I figured if it all went wrong no one would see me anyway. Now I just need clothes in the right shape and natural fabric and I can sort the colours myself.

My best neutral is very very pale to dark olive green. Mid blue denim gets a wad of emerald green to produce a deep teal blue.

Game changer

I get it - I would love to do the architect look as well. However, I am petite and an inverted triangle - my top half needs to be slim with a v neck or I look terrible. And that's despite having a BMI of 18 - so people who say oh just lose weight are wrong. In my case - I can lose 10 pounds visually just by swapping a boxy t-shirt for a fitted v neck.

However, I do think it's very important to wear things that fit you - but you can adjust to your taste and current fashion. In my case - am petite but with size 6 feet - that means that any big footwear makes me look like a clown so I can wear trainers but they have to be small ones rather than the big trendy ones. Am super happy with ballet flats being in style this year as they are literally my best shoes - make me look more French/architect while hiding that my feet are actually quite large for my frame.

In your case - would it work to take Kate Winslet's style and buy it in navy blue with a colourful bag.....so go monochrome (like architects do with black) - but add a pop of colour. Or wear white shirts with big black skirts with a pop of colour. Keeps it interesting, design like but isnt all black, black

She does look amazing but she is also 5ft8 plus heels. I am 5 inches shorter and wish I had her height!

I'm another who lives in grungy Docs, skinnies and fitted tops in winter with leather jackets and parkas, but yesterday I wore a floral swing shirt dress and got loads of compliments. I think my long massive curly hair and boobs are the culprit.

I agree it’s not weight that puts the kybosh on the desired look. I have been very thin (ill) down to under 7 stone and I still had stumpy arms and legs.

It’s an interesting thought which era we could have been a model in. I think Victorian/Dickensian for me; I have a very small waist but the rest is best covered up! My worst age by far would have been the 20s or 60s - I look absolutely vile in anything shift shaped, let alone a mini

Oh, I do get you! I really want to look gamine!
Ah, gamine is exactly the look I want! But I don’t have that sort of body.

Colour wise go for charcoal and cream rather than black and white. Much softer.
In an ideal world yes. But the trendy shops like Cos and Arket keep doing clothes in black, white, or lime green/electric blue/bright pink. Why can’t they do the same modern shapes in warm autumnal colours 😡

I end up being very restricted in what I can buy because I need soft colours, decently thick fabrics that don’t cling to my lumps and bumps, high waisted, not too low cut, not cropped, no cutouts where my pasty middle aged flesh would poke out. But still trendy modern styles. And it seems like loads of others want the same thing, because when an item appears which meets those criteria it sells out immediately! It doesn’t help that the clothes are always displayed on gamine models, and I’m not that shape. So I order stuff and it looks dreadful on me 😩

It’s an interesting thought which era we could have been a model in
I would have been perfect for the 40s and 50s. Full lips, curvy hips, the sort of wavy hair that goes nicely in victory rolls… but I don’t look right for 2023 at all! 😩

I love this second picture so much.

Early 90s, for me. I've got that tall, long-limbed, slim-but-not-skinny, athletic-but-not-too-muscular build that was so popular then.

I'm lucky in many ways, I do know. But I've rather look like Audrey Hepburn than Katherine.

(And it's not weight, I'm 5'8 and a size 8, it's frame. My shoulders are not getting narrower, and when I've lost weight I've lost it mostly from the bra band and very little from the cup, so my boobs remained large in proportion to the rest of me.)

I'm 47 and working towards rebuilding my wardrobe around a few key things that I love and make me feel great. Not quite a 'capsule' wardrobe. In the past year, I've got things I love from:

• M&S (wide-leg crepe trousers, bomber jacket, trainers, boots, jeans, midaxi pleated skirt)
• Uniqlo (jeans, fine merino knits, knitted polos, chunky cropped jumper)
• Zara (fab orange linen dress last summer, high-waisted tapered trousers in the autumn)
• Cos (cropped colourblock jumper in neutrals)
• Blundstone boots

And there are a couple of things I've had for ages that I'm keeping and 'building' around

• Reiss long-sleeved top
• Jigsaw cropped wool biker jacket
• Seasalt denim dungarees
• Clark's tan brogues

So, all of those shops do things I like and that I think suit me and my age. I also see things I like in H&M, &OtherStories (but have never bought), Hush (am worried about review of poor quality), Whistles, Kin (John Lewis). I do 99.9% of my shopping online, using a 0% interest credit card so that I can buy lots and return what I don't like.