Stylists Advice to me- what do you think?

[firealarmmum]

I was lucky enough to have a "makeover" experience with a professional stylist yesterday (gifted to me). I'm on the fence about it all though, and about some of her advice and tips. I'd be interested to hear others thoughts.

For context I'm 43, a size 12-14 and tall - 5'10". My BMI is tipping to 25.5. I'm a tall woman with curves, boobs and a mum tum, however I'm not hourglass and my waist is thick and due to long legs my waist is short. Since DC I've stopped the gym so I'm not toned at all. I find it hard to define my shape according to those quizzes in magazines as I'm not Apple either and rectangles are always shown as slender.

Anyway, my lifestyle demands 98% very casual wardrobe - running around after toddlers, dog walks and working in a very very casual hands-on environment. I wear trainers and flat boots and haven't worn heels since before Covid / DC.

The stylist looked at my wardrobe and picked out a lot of summer dresses and smarter clothes and added a belt to everything. She said I should always add a belt to everything - high up under my boobs - or otherwise tuck in jumpers and shirts into high waisted skirts and trousers. She also kept making me try stuff on with heels, or my one pair of heeled boots even though I said I only ever wear flats.

Looking in the mirror the belted look I'm on the fence about. I felt like it highlighted my thick waist and tummy and made me feel fat. I said I'm not an hourglass and she said that's exactly why I should accentuate my waist.

How do others feel about belted waists / accentuating your waist, and highlighting a protruding tummy - if you're not an hourglass or super skinny?

The stylist also took me shopping for an event I'm going to and got me to try on some dresses in Reiss. They were universally awful on me I felt - but she was encouraging me to go with one of them. Two had a high neck and no sleeves making my boobs look matronly and accentuating my upper arms which are flabby and not toned. I felt the designs were all suited to very slender or skinny people - Kate Middleton types. The clothes in Reiss are lovely quality but I just felt a slightly overweight 40 year old is not the right client!

I'm not sure if I was just being a Debbie Downer on myself and my body image is so awful that I just hate trying on clothes, or if she wasn't really "seeing" me, iyswim.

Sorry you the experience wasn't as you'd hoped. Could you post a pic of your body (or someone similar) so we can get a view?

I have never had a stylist, but sometimes I think the ones who are all over social media look really try hard and uncomfortable. Did you think the stylist looked really well put together?

I'm a very different shape to you (much shorter and fatter!) but I do have the shorter torso/longer legs combination that you mention.

I can never tuck anything in or wear a belt as my top half (top third...) looks ridiculous so I'm suspicious of that advice for you.

At the end of the day, a stylist's opinion is just the opinion of one other person on your look. If you've ever been given clothes you thought awful by relatives, you'll agree that what other people might like on you might not be what you like on yourself, either on how you think it looks or how you feel in it. Don't try to force yourself to accept something you don't like simply because someone else advised it and in this case that person was a "professional" in this field.

You sound like a similar shape to me OP (although I am shorter and wider 😁) and nothing looks good with a belt on me. It just emphasises my lack of a waist. A well shaped dress will give the illusion of a waist, also skater style and wrap dresses work.

Ironically teeny tiny Meghan Markle has the same problem!

I think a personal shopper might be better. Most large department stores offer this service with no obligation to buy.

I think sometimes we can get stuck on ideas of what we can and can’t wear. I’ve avoided shirts for years due to my big bust but recently have realised they’ve fine provided no gaping. I’d try the ideas and take photos as that gives a better view imo.

But what seems odd to me is that presumably you described your lifestyle and dresses and heels are clearly not appropriate. Surely styling has to be about more than dressing you up for a moment in time.

I'm ridiculously high waisted and I wear absolutely nothing tucked in or belted. It just looks wrong

She doesn't sound like she listened to you at all, and adding a belt to everything is just straight out of the Gok Wan how to dress handbook.

Doesn't sound right to me, if I were your shape Id be focusing on legs! Legs for miles, like Penny Lancaster, who shape sounds similar to yours (anyone Rod married really 😂). Short loose tops & tight through the leg jeans, short waist-less dresses, shorts etc.

Not you ! It sounds like she’s not very good at her job.

She wasn't listening to you at all. Do you think she was choosing the sort of things she would wear?

Take a picture of yourself and something you regularly wear and disguise yourself! We can then look for something for you.

Uh, thanks! I'm actually questioning whether this was generic Gok Wan advice. I did come away from the day feeling very anxious about how much weight I need to lose - something that is medically true and which I was fully aware of before but is now preying on my mind.

I definitely didn't feel revitalised after the day or anything. Her own style was a bit generic, but I did notice she was wearing thick-soled flat boots, even though she kept encouraging me to go for a heel!

I’m honestly so sad reading this. I absolutely would not be tucking tops and belting anyone who is tall with a short body. Sadly personally styling has exploded with the influencers and people who just set up a business thinking they can just copy and paste looks on someone else.

Def stick to Colour Me Beautiful, House of Colour, or London College of Style. All of these training companies look at actual proportions not the fruit body shapes.

Short-waisted people who put on weight around the middle first don't tend to suit belts that divide them straight across the middle, though a belt to keep jeans up is ok. I don't think they suit very high-waisted trousers either. Maybe your height makes a difference, but I suspect you just got advice that isn't right for your shape. Also if heels and dresses aren't comfortable for you or don't work with your lifestyle then you aren't going to suddenly start wanting to wear them all the time.

Thinking about weight loss in a practical, motivated way, if it's something you're really interested in, might be a positive thing, but it's a very gradual process and takes planning. The nice part is if it gets you increased mobility/flexibility and a more fun, healthier or more active life. But you shouldn't have to feel anxious about it or feel you have to do it so that it becomes a mental burden. You are fabulous the way you are!

@CharlotteStreetW1
Ironically teeny tiny Meghan Markle has the same problem!

Yep, not always the easiest body type to dress. Kristen Stewart as well - she is a brand ambassador for Chanel but their chunky boxy silhouettes aren't ideal on her, even though she's small and toned. But her personal ultra casual tomboy style works fine.

I wonder if she was trying to show you that you can look more hourglass.
Honestly, 5'10", BMI of 25.5, you probably look fabulous!

You are barely overweight and if you are busty you're almost certainly not an ectomorph skinny type who would expect to be at the bottom of the range. You definitely shouldn't be worrying about vast amounts of weight to lose, as a PP said, if you'd like to be fitter and more agile then fine but there doesn't sound like you need to be concerned beyond that.

I am a lot shorter and fatter than you, very busty and I only go in at the middle because of the large boobs, I dont have a waist.
I went shopping with an acquaintance on holiday last year, she is an hourglass but she persuaded me into wide trousers drawn up quite high and it actually looked really good. I was always in untucked tops trying to cover my midsection but when it comes off large boobs you can get that middle-aged-man-in-a-jacket effect. I was truly surprised that it worked and it did take a while to feel comfortable and trust it.

I would say, take the outfits that you like most (or disliked least) and really give them a try, see if they grow on you. I'm sure if I saw you I'd think you look great, I would see your natural advantages.

I’m tall and similar(ish)build . If you look at me from front on I do have an hourglass shape BUT I have a mum-tum so if you look at me from the side my tummy sticks out further than my bust (sob) so the belt look is definitely not good on me!! Just highlights the tummy.

However I have amazing legs so I can get away with a short looser fitting dress / long jumper with tights and leggings and show off my legs . I also have slender arms apart from the very top bit so again anything with slightly shorter sleeves (weather dependent) highlights another good feature.

Putting you in heels when you have clearly said heels don’t suit your lifestyle shows she is not listening and she’s trying to force you into a one-size-fits all style.

Sounds like a rubbish stylist TBH

have you watched the Melissa Murrell videos on YouTube? I don’t agree with all of the clothes she puts people on but i like that she focuses on different body shapes - I think she calls it body shape masterclass series or something

The waist / tucked in look is the current fashion.

so a few years ago it was skinnies and a long loose top.

now it’s high waited trousers and a tucked in jumper or shirt. Or yes a belted dress / skirt.

it can look good but I find it harder day to day. It’s a smart look so not that easy to interpret for chasing around after young children (when a rigid belt around your middle is uncomfortable.

it of course looks better with heals but they are not practical for everyday (and not needed in even the smartest office any more)

ive found some wide leg trousers (boden) that suit at work and have them in several colours.

but the casual version with jeans is just much harder imo.

tucked in jumpers only works for a tall and slim model

anyway long way to say it sounds like she was trying to ‘update’ you to the current look.

but it is a difficult one to wear I think.

I think she sounds rubbish.
Why put you in lots of dresses & smart clothes when you have no opportunity to wear them? Was she given a specific brief by the person who gifted you this experience ?

Yeh, sack the stylist off, surely they're supposed to make you feel good about yourself, she's not.

Sounds rubbish. Was it styled by susie?

Surely the first rule of personal styling should be that the suggested clothes fit the client’s lifestyle? And you should always feel comfortable in them?

At least you didn’t pay for it.

Both my DD and I have had good (separate) experiences using the John Lewis personal shopper service. We were both encouraged to try on different things to our usual choices but there was no pressure to buy, and if we said that we didn't like something that was fine.

How disappointing. Who was the stylist ? I used styled by Hellana recently and was very happy . As said above it's important to find someone who understands you and your preferences rather than just copying and pasting what looks good on them/ others they have seen . Also someone who you click with, as it's such a personal experience