Almost 40 and No Style

[ShortDaysLongNights]

Help wise ladies. I'm quickly approaching 40 and I still haven't figured out my "style".
I'm currently a big 14 (bit bigger than I used to be) and quite tall. I never look " put together". I buy new clothes regularly, but fail at putting decent outfits together and then stick to the usual jeans and top combination. But even that is letting me down recently. I have no idea what jeans are on trend, what length to go for, what tops suit me and what shoes to pair it with.

I'd like to give my wardrobe a bit of an update and would probably describe my (although admittedly poor style) as classic/casual/sporty. How do others look so put together with simple pieces in which I'd look frumpy?
Key is probably toning up a bit and buying really well fitted clothes?

I'm not a big fan of patterns, definitely flats, not after clothes that follow the latest trend.
I'd be so grateful for some advice for both day time outfits as well as one evening outfit. Thank you :)

I find Wears My Money’s style posts really helpful for putting together casual outfits and seeing what’s vaguely current…
www.wearsmymoney.com/

Where do you usually shop? Online, where you can see how countless outfits are put together, or in physical shops where individual items are mostly seen in isolation.

And are you perhaps buying too many things? What sort of quality? It’s a harsh fact but a tall, largish size 14 body really needs an expanse of good quality fabric, reasonably well cut. (I’m not saying you’re in any way out of the mainstream, at all! But it would be unwise to assume £30 of thin polyester will necessarily be flattering.)

While you’re waiting for helpful posters to come along, you could do worse than spend half an hour with this entertaining, informative and thought provoking thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4753001-can-we-talk-about-clothing-brands-and-target-demographics?reply=124689774

Generally, a good rule is to work out what you do day to day and plan outfits around that - eg, if you work in an office 5 days, you’ll need very different suggestions than if you’re a SAHP crawling around the floor with small babies. Once you know what lifestyle and activities you need to dress for, then you can consider what you might wear.

If you say you already have a lot of clothes, you probably have most of the bones of a decent wardrobe for your day to day life (unless you’re buying bikinis and ballgowns?!) You may need to do some culling to clear out, but set aside an evening to try on everything with a critical eye and see what feels good and makes you go ‘yeah!’ rather than ‘meh’. Bag up the mistakes and donate to charity / sell on eBay / find a local clothes swap and ‘swish’ them.

Agree with checking out Wears My Money - I find her weekly posts really useful to visualise some outfit ideas, more so than simply browsing online or in-store.

If you’re not sure what you need or need a kick up the bum to stop buying tat, there was a really good thread about a year ago called In Pursuit Of Elegance that was really helpful and thought-provoking about what you actually need to get dressed for your life - search for it, get a cuppa and read!

Thank you. I've started to have a look on there and that's just the advise I need. I suppose I've never looked at anything like that really. Even doing online shopping, I look at different categories, but never follow through with the outfit suggestions... no surprise nothing ever looks put together!

I have young kids, but primarily school age so no longer ruining jeans whilst crawling after them :) I suppose I'm after comfortable ish clothes that could be worn to the park, etc but wouldn't look out of place going for a coffee with friends.

Haha, definitely not buying absolutely useless clothes, just more jumpers that don't seem to do me any favours and trousers that don't go with anything... I'll check out that thread!

Probably more online, as time mooching around the shops is precious at the moment and if I'm being honest I feel so overwhelmed by choice and still not knowing what to buy. So I either leave with nothing or feel I have got to follow the latest trend and buy things that aren't really "me"

Years ago I did a style sessions at John Lewis for my office clothes and that was actually really useful.
Not harsh at all re size, I'm generally confident in my body, but do think other other women look nice in something simple such as well fitted jeans and a white t-shirt and, whereas I just look so frumpy....

I'm generally confident in my body, but do think other other women look nice in something simple such as well fitted jeans and a white t-shirt and, whereas I just look so frumpy....

It might be that you don't have the right jeans and white t shirt for your body.

It took until I was in my 30's to realise that v-neck t shirts and straight leg jeans suit me better than anything else.

I'd look frumpy as hell if I wore skinny jeans and a round neck t shirt, regardless of colour etc!

I find it helpful to go to clothes shops and try on different styles that I don't think I would ever buy, and sometimes surprise myself when something suits me.

Hi OP

I don't know how helpful this will be to you but just thought I'd share in case you can take anything from it as I'm a size 12-14 with young kids too. I'm 5'8, not sure whether that counts as tall but tall ish and I'd say I'm most comfortable in classic/casual/sporty as well. I buy stuff so that I can wear almost anything I own together - so I don't do 'outfits' just lots of mix and match, because otherwise I find the washing / outfit prepping too hard.

So my main go-to's are (depending on season):

Shirts: a couple of relaxed fit linen shirts and a few more fitted cotton shirts, which I wear with any of the bottoms I have, variously fully tucked in, half tucked in or completely untucked. I never iron, just wash and hang.

T-shirts: a range of basic crew necks in colours I enjoy wearing and some looser tunic/sport style ones

Other tops - a couple of boatnecks with elbow length sleeves in nice fabrics, some long sleeve tops in lightweight wool for layering. Couple of silk things for if I ever want to feel dressed up.

V neck jumpers and slouchy cardigans

Jackets - ALL the jackets, I reckon they make the outfit. A bomber, a puffer, a sporty windbreaker, a trench, a longline waterproof warm thing, and a couple of light mid season short coats/jackets just for funsies

Jeans: higher waist, wider leg
Trousers: tweed style wider leg (I have some brown and some mid blue) and black tapered
Shorts: Cotton chino style
Joggers: Bamboo soft joggers
Skirts: a casual soft cotton jersey above the knee and a linen blend one just below knee; black wool short skirt, long bamboo maxi, printed floral maxi
Dress: Long floaty linen thing with waist tie, knee length shirt dress, wool shift dress

Hats / caps / scarves / tights etc

Trainers that are comfy in a few colours; boots, loafers, sandals

These get me through pretty much everything and I feel like I have lots of options every day. I think for some people having set outfits works best but for me this way works really well.

Sorry I meant to also say that the shapes I have are ones that I've decided after lots of years are the right shapes for me - as the PP said, it really makes a difference if you figure out what shapes are the ones that make you feel comfortable and confident. I think most 'style' is just about someone looking like they are really comfortable in their clothes.