Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Style and beauty

Looking for style advice? Chat all about it here. For the latest discounts on fashion and beauty, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Personal Stylist/Eating Disorder Recovery

3 replies

myrtleWilson · 12/03/2023 21:40

Hi,
Wasn't sure whether to put this in ED section or S&B....

My daughter (almost 20) is in early recovery from anorexia (by early I mean a year or so since she has been eating 'well' and isn't displaying overt ED behaviours) She has recently re-started therapy and she has an ongoing gastric related condition (thanks anorexia!) which can cause bloating and pain.

For about three years she lived in over sized clothes to hide her body. She therefore has a limited wardrobe. She likes fashion and has a pinterest board of her likes. However, understandably she is still very hesitant about trying on clothes in shops and has lost her sense of her own style and is coming to terms with her changing body shape.

What then happens is a cycle of destructive thoughts - she'll choose something off a website, try it on for a night out, it doesn't fit/suit/she imagines she looks awful and then self loathing kicks in, everyone's stress levels rise, nights out are abandoned etc etc.

I wondered if anyone had any insight about using a personal stylist service - my thinking was that it would help DD get some advice about what suits her body and am thinking the stylist would probably pick clothes that DD wouldn't necessarily choose. But is it a minefield? Would a stylist be okay with a pre chat about language around people with an eating disorder etc??

Finally (and thanks for reading!) where would you suggest a personal stylist for a 20yr old shopper - I thought Harvey Nic's but is that too high end (nice experience but would DD transfer the learning) John Lewis offer service but is that too 'old'... We're in the NE but can travel to leeds/manchester etc...

OP posts:
RelentlessForwardProgress · 12/03/2023 21:52

"What then happens is a cycle of destructive thoughts - she'll choose something off a website, try it on for a night out, it doesn't fit/suit/she imagines she looks awful and then self loathing kicks in, everyone's stress levels rise, nights out are abandoned etc etc."

I don't have experience of anorexia, but I do have issues around buying clothes due to big weight loss. Its never the pleasure I thought it would be and I often find it very emotional and difficult. I have found that personal shoppers, whilst they may have a great 'eye' for what suits me, have no clue, absolutely no clue, how emotionally difficult this can be. They have often said really triggering things to me that have left me upset, entirely without meaning to. For this reason I'd proceed with real caution. I'm not sure a department store shopper has the training or insight to be safe for her.

BestestBrownies · 12/03/2023 22:02

You're skating on dangerously thin ice here OP. I get that you're coming from a place of love and thinking this will help your daughter, but your idea has the potential to backfire massively with catastrophic consequences for her.

Please try and shift your focus away from her appearance altogether. It was only when the people closest to me completely stopped mentioning how I looked that I was able to stop hyperfocusing on it and actually recover (despite looking on the surface like I was already in recovery).

If you have money to spend on personal shopper experiences I would rethink and invest instead in a specialist coach/trainer such as Emma from Empower. She is a recovered anorexic herself and has helped loads of young women with eating disorders learn to love themselves and eat normally again. Take a look at her client testimonials on Instagram.

TreesAtSea · 12/03/2023 22:04

I'd echo some of the first poster's reservations. Not because I've used a personal stylist, but because I know from personal experience the hell of having anorexia (decades ago) and just how precarious the recovery process can be.

Perhaps the eating disorders charity Beat could give advice? Or does your daughter have a close, trusted friend who could accompany her on a shopping trip? That way if she starts to feel overwhelmed or upset for any reason, she'll be with someone understanding rather than dealing with a stranger.

The very best of luck to you both.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread