Did the clothes you had as a child influence what you have now?

[lipstickwoman]

I grew up in the 60s/70s with parents from the 'make do and mend' era. I had enough clothes to be warm and clean, but mum made them. I had the odd party dress, a new pair of winter shoes every year and a new pair of sandals in the summer. Very little else.

As a teenager I had a lot less than friends. Once I started work and could buy my own I went a bit mad and it's only recently I've deliberately cut back down again.

I'm sure my clothes buying habit stemmed from a childhood where is didn't have much. Just wondered if this is a common trait.

My mum always liked to be fashionable, she did make clothes but she was very skilled. I love clothes and have loads I wear a lot and stuff I've forgotten I have.

What about haircuts? My next door neighbour was a hairdresser and my sister and I had functional short hair cuts. My sister still claims to be traumatised. She has had long straightened hair ever since she was old enough to be in control and her 10 yo dd is definitely the same. I’m not sure hair straightening existed in the early 90s.

Our clothes were the standard 80s stuff. Never pretty dresses or party shoes.

I had long hair, always in a pony tail because mum couldn't do anything else. Once I got too old for that I had a hair cut as a birthday present one year but it wasn't maintained and it grew out. Since I've been working, you name it, I've had it.

I'm making my mother sound awful. She really wasn't. She was the best mum.

i remember when I first went shopping with my boyfriend and he changed into the new top he’d just bought when we got back to his house. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t saving a new top ‘for best’ as that was what I had been doing all my life.
I also remember being really self conscious as a teen, looking back if my mum had just bought me clothes like my friends had so I ‘fitted in’ it would have really helped.
my mum even now won’t spend much on clothes herself even though she can afford to and this still affects how I feel when I buy clothes for myself. I feel I need to justify every purchase. I’m 43 for gods sake!

I wonder if this stuff is why so many little girls these days seem to have everything….loads of party dresses and dressing up clothes and lovely shoes etc etc. Often it seems to be the case that some people go without other stuff in order to give them this stuff.

Is it because lots of people remmeber feeling like they went without and don’t want their kids to feel the same?

I understand it to a point. But also, our parents who didn’t give us much new stuff often had limited budgets and were simply prioritising. They thought party shoes were a luxury you could live without, and other things needed to take preference or having some savings for a crisis was more important. Of course there’s always a balance to be had. But have people gone too far the other way now? Some people feel like they should have whatever they like and entitled to certain things. People on cost of living threads talk about not being able to afford to have heir nails done or a weekly takeaway and to feel aggrieved by it. Some people are in debt and have prioritised things like party outfits for their kids over paying their bills, in a way our parents would have been less likely do. It’s great that most people are better off now and can afford some luxuries that they didn’t have as kids. However, do we think people are able back when we were growing up or now, to judge accurately what we can afford to spend and get the balance right?

Definitely.

Everything I had was hand-me-downs or jumble sale, except for one outfit every Christmas. Only one pair of shoes. I hated it.

I got my first job at 13 and bought myself a non-school skirt, a nice top, and some sandals. I wore them three times when out with my first boyfriend, and then he asked why I always wore the same thing. I was mortified, couldn't tell him it was all I had. 😞 His parents were the new house/two new cars type.

My ds has decent clothes that fit properly, a variety of suitable footwear. Warm coats, the right kit for swimming, cycling etc. He's not bothered about brands but everything he has is clean, good condition and good quality. I replace lost buttons, repair pulled threads etc immediately. Worn out stuff goes in the recycling.

Yes, definitely in my later teens and my twenties and thirties. We had very little money and a lot of my stuff was either homemade or second hand or from the market. I went a bit crazy once I got my student grant (and first barclaycard). I had a bit of a problem for a while to be honest. My income is much greater now and I spend a much smaller proportion of it on my own clothes these days, though I do spend quite a lot on my DS’s wardrobe - he doesn’t have loads of designer clothes but all his stuff is well made and good quality, and he has plenty of choice, decent trainers and shoes etc, primary school uniform from Marks or logo’d jumpers and so on, instead of supermarket stuff. Good quality warm coats, thermals for winter, hats and gloves, appropriate sports kit etc. I always felt embarrassed by my clothes as a child and I want to make sure he doesn’t.

I don’t have an credit card debt any more though.

Conversely, I’m not really much of a one for salon treatments or pampering - no spa days or massages, I don’t get my nails or eyebrows done, I don’t wax… I’m
sure that’s the puritanical side of my upbringing coming out! My mum always saw that kind of thing as a shocking waste of money. My one indulgence now I’m fairly well off is that I get my hair cut and coloured regularly.

Me too! It’s a first world problem really, we had a lot of money (enough for my mother to move house, build an extension and renovate, furnish it with expensive but awful antiques, get bored and do it all again in a 2 year cycle. We moved 7 times!). Dad had an expensive sports car and a hobby that cost $$$.

But they had this weird thing about buying material possessions or ‘things’ for us. School trips, fine. But haircuts? New shoes? Just the odd treat? Never. Everything from charity shops which would’ve been okay I suppose but it was all stained and too big/small. Our cousins passed on bin bags of clothes. Mum never really steered us in terms of presentation so we would run around in really awful, tatty, bizarre looking things with greasy straggly hair. It’s quite embarrassing looking back at the few photos I have.

Looking back mum had a kind of fantasy of herself as a ‘hippy, natural’ type of mother with 5 kids. She called any other mum in trendy clothes or that wore a bit of make up a ‘tart’ and ‘naff’. I think she saw us as looking all earthy and natural but we didn’t, we looked a mess and like she couldn’t cope. She also gave us really embarrassing old fashioned names (not granny chic, just plain ugly).

It took me a long time to develop my own style and know what sort of things to buy. Then I went mad and spent all my money on clothes and nice ‘things’ for myself when I got a job.

Same with cleaning - house was always a tip, took me ages to learn a routine and how to manage a house.

It’s sent me the other way with DD, I promised myself I would never show her up. Gave her a fairly popular pretty name, make sure she’s always dressed in nice non-hippy clothes, regular hair cuts, always looking tidy with organised nursery bag.

I used to mentally calculate the cost of my entire outfit, thinking about what shop each item came from, as I was getting dressed in my twenties. Not especially healthy thought processes! It was like I was valuing myself by the monetary value of what I was wearing.

I never had nice things as a child and was often bullied for my clothing. I still struggle now to buy myself anything nice.

It has significantly affected the way I dress my children, they always have what they need for the circumstances, I never did. They always have things that they like and are happy to wear.

Not in slightest

This is the case for me, when I was a kid I had one pair of jeans and a jumper that I wore pretty much all the time that I wasn't in school uniform, luckily I was a bit of a tomboy and didn't really care, until I went to secondary school and fashion choices suddenly seemed important. If I wanted anything fashionable I would have to use my birthday or Christmas money from relatives to buy it. I've gone way to far the other way with my own DD as a result, she has more than enough nice clothes, I've taken outgrown things to the charity shop that have only been worn once or twice. I know it's wasteful and I'm making a conscious effort to only buy when needed, the fact that she's coming to the age where she's more selective about her own fashion choices helps, I don't buy her things without her being there to pre approve them now.

Not so much what I buy myself but now that DD is a teen, whenever I am out at weekends, I look at what other girls are wearing, what accessories they have etc and then see if DD wants similar.

@WombatChocolate I definitely ensured my own children had what I didn't have. I don't think I went too far, but I remember the embarrassing moments and avoiding meeting friends out of school because I didn't have anything to wear..

My absolute worst days were non uniform days. I feigned sickness on them.

I grew up in the 80’s/early 90’s, I mainly had hand me downs or 2nd hand clothes though I remember my mum buying me new clothes for a holidays (from a catalogue). I was a Tom boy so was quite happy with my brothers hand me downs, jeans got made into shorts in the summer to make them last longer.
My mum would try and force me to wear a dress for parties or family get togethers, I hated dresses with a passion. I am still pretty much a Tom boy though I do like dressing up occasionally, I love bright colours and alternative clothing.

i was dressed as a mini adult and in very fussy clothes. Didn’t get a choice. I remember at 15 going on a school trip to Europe from NZ and being dressed in cream pants, a cream ‘silk’ pussy bow shirt and loafers 😆 all my mates were I jeans and T-shirts. Because I’d the controlling nature I never found my style and find it difficult to dress for my shape or be trendy. I live somewhere i don’t give a shit how I look and wear jeans/tees/hoodies or shorts and tees in summer. Will crack out a dress on occasion.

I’n careful to let the Dc have some choice but the DS’s don’t care and get about in joggers, DD loves dresses and putting outfits together so that’s quite fun.

My mother was older than my classmates and friends' mothers, which I think affected her taste in clothes, that and the ultra Christian beliefs she held.
She mostly liked sensible clothes and hair, I swear I had some tweed skirts! Alice bands, hair ribbons (which I loathed), Clark’s shoes and no attempt at colour coordination.
I did have all the sparkly shoes and velvet or pink voile party dresses, but she was very odd about jeans with a central zip, and I had to really fight her for mini skirts and a half inch heeled shoe!
She gave up when I was a teen and insisted on choosing my clothes and growing my hair long.
I do think it affected me, inasmuch as I reacted against it and grew my hair down to my bum, wore jeans constantly for a while and had no idea what went together or suited me for some time.

I wonder what proportion of people who grew up in the 70s or early 80s feel like this? It seems pretty widespread.

Clothes today can be had pretty cheaply, but I wonder how many kids are still growing up dreading non-uniform days and feeling they are missing out and stand out for not having things. We hear that family poverty is growing all the time and I wonder how many children are in poverty but basically do have the usual clothes and shoes (but are going without some of the essentials) and how many are very limited even though they can now be had more cheaply than before.

Fitting in is important to children and teens. I’d imagine parents these days are pretty aware of that and it hurts them when they can’t give their kids what they consider is normal. Unfortunatley, for some people, their idea of normal is very expensive branded trainers etc and they will never be ableo afford them or can only do so. Y compromising lots of other spends…and might choose to do so.

When our parents opted not to give us the latest things, I really think they had less of a sense of fitting in. There was a much stronger sense of things being simply a luxury or frippery that was wasteful and not needed, even if you could afford it. People don’t tend to have that now , so those going without are probably doing so because they really can’t afford it.

I'm the same sort of age and like you I went a bit mad for a few years. But now not buying much at all, even in sales. I can't remember the last thing I bought. I had one new pair of winter shoes and one pair of sandals a year. Always from Clark's, even though they weren't cheap and my parents had little spare money in my early years.

Possibly! I was a fussy teen so this is based on my "own personal stamp" on things. I was never keen on trousers and jeans as a teenager and today, dresses are very much my "go to".

I remember being 13 or 14, going round to my friend's house and feeling really upset / angry just through seeing all the clothes in her wardrobe. It wasn't extravagant in any way, just normal, but I couldn't believe she had so many pairs of jeans, T-shirts, bras etc when I basically had "wash and wear" levels of stuff from charity shops. I feel embarrassed when I think back on things I used to wear and how resentful and ungrateful I was, especially to my Mum who was trying her best. I would like to give my teenage self a slap. Now I buy far more clothes than I need but I still feel like I never have enough 'essentials'.

Do all teens throughout the ages feel like this? Is it just part if being a teen….to feel very self conscious and as if you are being deprived of stuff others have??

My mother had real trouble letting me progress from child clothes to preteen/teen wear.

DDs have a lot of autonomy choosing what to wear!

I def didn't have the clothes and makeup my friends had, and I was very self conscious and embarrassed by it.

I did have other things though.. lots of holidays, fun weekends, always had a very good diet and parents who gave me a very lovely childhood.