What to wear to a 50th party?

[PartyWhere]

DH's friends from uni. I don't really know any of them except one couple. I have a top something like this (John Lewis link), slightly shorter and black with small white dots. DH says it's not "party" enough.

I haven't been to a party in over 14 years.... No idea what to wear. It's a meal with dancing after, which we won't stay for. I'm early 40's, generally wear jeans and t-shirt to hide my belly. Carrying a bit extra weight. Usually size 12-14/L trousers, 8-10/S or M top, 1m75 and 72kg. Wear bootcut trousers to hide my clown feet (43). Don't really have the legs for a dress. Have two months to sort something. What should I wear?

No!

The last party I went to was a 40th when I was 36.

Obviously I'm not including childrens parties 😁

Yes if you can get to a John Lewis personal shopper (may have to book a week or two in advance), they will be really helpful. No pressure to buy, and they will have things at a range of budgets.

I bought a few things, at least one of which I would have turned my nose up at, but loved it when I tried it on and wear it all the time. Another (which I also love) was well below a price I’d expected to pay.

In 9 years you haven't been to a 40th, 50th or a New Years celebration or a leaving do or baby shower, hen party or any gathering to celebrate something?
Nope! Didn't go to their 40th as I had a bf baby plus toddler. DH went alone. Had to decline one from one of my friends as DH was away on business. Rest of us turned 40 during Covid. New Years - never been out since DC. Last hen party I went to was 12 years ago, everyone's already married! Don't know anyone who's held a baby shower. DH goes to his work things alone.

I wouldn’t wear jeans. Trousers are safer, I guess you don’t want to be the only one in jeans. I would be careful with black either.
I can understand it’s a nightmare when you don’t have experience at parties and the first one is on your husband’s side so you can’t get any info.
John Lewis is a good place for advice if you are not sure. I would go somewhere like Mango or Zara or Next to try few things to get the feel what you like. Can you go on a weekday when it’s quieter?

I understand that having young children certainly makes going out more logistically challenging but I have ro admit I do think 14 years, or 9 years, etc is a long time to not have been anywhere that requires more than a decathlon fleece.
I guess it's a case of different people lead different lives.
In that case could you bring a friend shopping one morning to get a second opinion? Or maybe a personal shopper would be a good idea as pp have suggested?
Whatever you decide I hope you find something fabulous that makes you feel amazing & that you have a great night!

What are your thoughts so far op?

Jeans and nice top or something dressier?

Would it bother you if you are the only ones in jeans? Or doesn't really matter what you as long as you OWN IT!

That is lovely.

What are your thoughts so far op?
Fear 😂

I googled gold satin pleated midi skirt that @CampervanKween said she wore (mainly because I had no idea what it would look like) and this came up as one of the results. I kind of like it, but no idea if it would suit me or the occasion.

@QueenMabs Would it bother you if you are the only ones in jeans?
Yes, I think it would. None of my friends would bat an eyelid if I turned up to something in jeans. These friends of DH's live in a large city and are somewhat more sophisticated than me! I don't want to embarrass him.

@StephenDedalus I understand that having young children certainly makes going out more logistically challenging but I have ro admit I do think 14 years, or 9 years, etc is a long time to not have been anywhere that requires more than a decathlon fleece.
DH doesn't want strangers in the house = no babysitters. MIL watched the baby once about 3 months old (didn't believe it when we said baby screamed all evening) and then said never again. My parents believe we should have used the slipper more on DC1 - then he wouldn't have SN - so will never see the DC without us there.

I also never wear make up 😳

I'm in the jumpsuit camp. I went to a big birthday party recently and wore a stretchy velvet jumpsuit (purchased from Asda before Christmas just because I knew it would be useful and it was £22) and it was just right. Comfortable and easy to dress up or down.

That sounds very tough @PartyWhere. How old are your children now?
I like the outfit you have linked to and think it would be very suitable and the most important thing is that you feel comfortable in it on the night. I truly hope you have a nice evening out.

11&13. Hoping MIL will come and feed them and get them ready for bed. Then leave them so she drive home before dusk (they moved recently and are now 10 mins away). DC can watch Netflix together and I'll tell my
neighbours that they're alone. We should be home by 1230.

Would it work with either shoes, longer boots or DM's?

I went to a 50th recently and wore a short kimono from One Hundred Stars with jeans, sparky shoes, and a sparky cami underneath.

onehundredstars.co.uk/collections/short-kimonos

I hear the issues with childcare OP but what about gatherings / parties without your DH so childcare wasn't needed?? I find it so hard to comprehend when posters in MN in their 30s and 40s say they haven't been out at all for 10-15yrs (there were a couple over the weekend too). I'm not a party animal by any means but I need to do out sometimes and let my hair down so to speak!

Obviously I'm not including childrens parties 😁
I'm so glad my days of children's parties are well over! The only good thing was not having any angst about what to wear!🤣🤣

This. Try and lose a couple of pounds if you are genuinely bothered about your weight and book a hair appointment the day before.

And please try and enjoy yourself. Your OP sounds a bit sad if I'm honest. You are too young to feel this meh about socialising.

That does sound tough @PartyWhere

You are doing a good thing with your DC to shield them from anyone who doesn't 'get' it.

I hope you can find an outfit that feels good for you. Feeling good and happy and comfortable and right ...

One of the things that I really love about fashion and style these days is how much it's about expressing oneself, with a nod to how 'dressy' the occasion will be.

So you are looking for something that says 'I made a bit of an effort' but it can still be recognisably you. I much prefer that to how things used to be in my parents generation, where all the women's frocks were very very similar and anyone stepping out of line was well punished I suppose.

All the best, hope it's the first of many nice evenings with your DH. How nice that he wants you there rather than making an excuse to appear as a bachelor.

@dangermousesfriend I have been out, but not to anything requiring this level of dress code!

DH and I go for lunch or the very occasional dinner but we live in the country and so it's just as acceptable to wear a gilet in the local pub - and we keep our walking boots in the car to walk home!

DH doesn't dance and I wouldn't dance now either after so many years. And frankly I'd always just rather go to bed than go out.

A friend of mine lives in Manchester and has a friend that gets dressed up to the 9s all the time (it's on FB). It makes me feel stressed just looking at the amount of effort she has put in to going out 😂

OP I think the skirt you have posted is absolutely lovely and would look great with black tights and boots of some kind. 😊

Dh doesn't want strangers in the house??

Ffs.

That skirt is fun but honestly if you are as uncomfortable and unconfident as you sound it might be a bit wacky for you. A black jumpsuit is so perfect for this type of thing.

Aww op! I hope you find the perfect outfit! I really think you should go all out since you haven’t been to a party in years. I would go to one of the boots make up counters and get your make I done and maybe your hair and nails.. At least make yourself feel special for one day. Don’t worry what anyone thinks while you’re there! And don’t put yourself down you sound as though you have a lovely figure and nobody will be looking at your feet to make comment that they are to big I’m a size 7.. it’s a pretty average size. I would say a black jumpsuit with some rounded toe heels/court shoes and some flashy jewellery to set it all off. Someone linked a beautiful sparkly top on the second post that would be perfect with black skinny jeans and rounded toe heels or even wedge boots! Xx

It was more like this one. I felt really smart in the outfit and stretchy waistband so comfy as well.

Sounds suspiciously like you're hiding under black or baggy things. Why not use this as an excuse to try a bit of colour? Order some tops from ASOS or something with free post and returns and just try them out. Have fun.