What to wear to a black tie wedding without looking like a bridesmaid?

[ShadowPuppets]

Have a black tie wedding in October in Ireland. Dress code specifies tuxedos for men. Half the wedding is Americans so I think dress code will be taken v seriously.

I have a floor length dress but it’s an old BM dress and I’m not sure how I’ll differentiate from the bridesmaids?

If anyone has any good tips please share! Size 14, bigger on boobs than hips, don’t love my upper arms.

I wore my maid of honour dress to a black tie wedding. There were no bridesmaids so I don't think I looked like one at the second wedding. It was just a nice evening dress.

your dress presumably won't match the bridesmaids (who will probably be 100% matching and matching the flowers / napkins etc too). so you'll be fine.

I'd check what cour the bridesmaids are wearing and as long as it isn't the same crack on

Wear a tuxedo?

Black the doesn't necessarily mean full length so what about a cocktail dress, knee length or midi length? Check out Chi Chi London or John Lewis to get some ideas.

Knee length cocktail dress, beaded or sparkly or lacey to make sure it looks properly dressy.

If you go long, dark colours are less bridesmaidy.

Blaze tie in Ireland will mean most women will wear what they would normally wear to an Irish wedding - there won’t be many/any bridesmaidy or full-on ball gowns. It will be knee length or midi dresses, or perhaps maxi .

American here - I've always been told the dress code for black tie is floor length gowns. "Cocktail attire" is something different and includes shorter dresses. If half the wedding is American that's something to consider. It's also an evening dress code so I would avoid pastels as those tend to be more appropriate for day time. If your dress is a darker colour it should be fine.

What colour and fabric is your dress? Do you have any budget for a new outfit?

Yes, Americans take black tie wedding dressing seriously. Given it is October, it should be either a heavier fabric and/or a richer or darker colour, pastel chiffon would not look right.

Thanks everyone, I’ve done a lot of English summer weddings but the black tie/Irish/US elements mean I want to check because it’s slightly less familiar to me!

My old BM dress is a navy Coast number - I’m not wedded to wearing it but just wondered about whether or not I needed something new. Definitely have budget for something new if needed (or open to hiring, which I’ve done before).

Will absolutely check with the bride about her BM colours but I’m just trying to work out what everyone else will be in - can’t imagine us all in jewel tone full length without imagining everyone looking looking quite bridesmaidy!

Links to any suggestions very welcome, I usually wind up in something tea dress length in a pastel and I suspect that wouldn’t cut it at something more glam… doesn’t help this will be my first non breastfeeding wedding since 2019 when I was in my 20s and hadn’t had children so feel my style has shifted a bit since then!

What about this? Velvet means unlikely to be bridesmaid like

www.next.co.uk/style/ls336533/q29334#q29334

Or this - different colours to choose from

www.next.co.uk/style/ls131081/Q24847#Q24847

I love this!!

www.next.co.uk/style/st427856/d71505#d71505

Full length, relatively plain, navy Coast dress will surely be spot on for a black tie wedding. Even if some women are less smart, you'll be muted and elegant. Sounds perfect.

can u photo coast dress?

Short cocktail dress is fine for black tie, etiquettely speaking.

Avoid pastels, avoid floral frocks.

I'd wear black. It's something Americans wear to a formal evening wedding.

Sorry totally disagree with this. You need to expect full on glam, certainly from the Irish women attending. As you have a young child assuming you are fairly young. Getting hair, make up, nails done along with a full length dress would be the base line here for this kind of event. If you wear fake tan, then tan too. A navy coast dress if full length would be fine but jazz it up with the shoes, bag and a headpiece. Fascinators OUT for anyone under 60, but head pieces, combs, head bands v much in. Navy might actually be a great base as lots of options for matching or indeed clashing. Having attended a number of black tie weddings in the US the style there is generally more restrained but simple elegance is always lovely, so if you aren’t naturally someone who tends towards glam an elegant dress will see you through the day fine but I would still get a blow dry at least. However if you want an excuse to go for it by the same token you won’t stand out.

Ooh @mnahmnah love all those dresses!!

I would start with the Coast dress. Check BM's aren't in Navy and then check the dress fits well, especially if it was pre-kids, your body may have changed a bit. I'd accessorise with a contrasting colour instead of metallics, which could look dated or bridesmaidy.
If that gets you there, I'd stick with that than buy something new, given you're unlikely to rewear it. If you are going to go for something 'new' I'd definitely rent, so much choice these days.