Help!! Event coming up- haven't gone out since 2019 :-(

[exhaustedmumm]

Help! My husband has been invited to his boss's home for an "informal cocktail and dinner" evening - whatever TF that is - and partners are invited too.

Context- this boss is not his immediate manager but the very senior person, and DH feels it's very important to get on well with him. (He does). The boss's home is a mansion in a very expensive part of London. There will be staff serving drinks etc.

I've never met any of DH colleagues over 10 years married. This is a new idea on the part of his boss who is a family man, to introduce partners. There are a lot of professional and political reasons it would benefit DH if it goes well.

I haven't been to a party, meal out or social function since 2019! I had a baby, post-natal depression, elderly parent with dementia, the pandemic all at the same time, and have since struggled with finding myself again. I'm carrying an extra stone of baby weight still though my baby's now 2, and childcare nightmares lack of sleep plus perimenopause has aged me!

Wow, I'm painting a great picture here aren't I!

Anyway, before all this I did have an interesting career which I'm clinging onto, I was fit and I looked okay. Now I've lost confidence.

What can I do in the 4 weeks until this event to prepare and feel better about such a scary (for me) social function?

I know there is internal stuff I need to work in in terms of my confidence and anxiety. But outwardly what else can I do to feel good in the outside?

And what on earth does one wear to such an event in someone's home?

You sound lovely I'm sure everyone will love you.

I don't know what age you are but maybe 30s?

I would wear a really nice jumpsuit, with flattering underwear and go more understated. You could get your hair done the day before for a little confidence boost?

I think most important thing is to wear something you feel confident in, could you have a little shopping day and just try a range of different things? You might surprise yourself

What sort of things did you like wearing when you did go out, pre 2019? Do you have great legs, slim waist, nice arms - what do you like about yourself and like to emphasise?

Thank you. I'm early 40's but my DH is younger. It's never an issue but I don't know if his colleagues realise I'm older and I gather most of his colleagues have partners who are far younger than them, so it does make me feel nervous!

Figure-wise, tall, curvy, not got a waist though and have a mum tum, so not sure a jump suit would work! Feel they look great in very willowy people with flat tummies!

Maybe treat yourself to some nice jewellery, a face mask etc?
I generally start doing some weighted squats etc, probably doesn’t make any difference but I feel better!
maybe black wide leg trousers and a top in pale neutral colours, boxy style with a wide neck?

If you are tall, then how about something above the knee to make the most of you long legs, but quite loose around the waist area?

I think I need a personal shopper to help style me. Thought I might get lashes done the week of the event as my lashes are really short.

Yes squats are starting tomorrow!

If you can afford to throw some money at this, i would. Get your hair done. Even a blow dry on the morning of the dinner. Nails painted & if you're not confident with makeup book slot at one of the beauty counters.

Between now & then go for a few extra walks, cut out junk / alcohol / treats & focus on healthy eating. I tend to cut out carbs but that may not suit you.

You'll def lose a few pounds & all this will help you feel more confident.

Personally I'd look at sites like Sezane, BA&SH, wyse, ME+EM for style inspiration. I'd go for a lovely dress & I would wear it with block heel ankle boots

ME+EM in particular have a great range of swing dresses that can be worn loose or with the belt.

If you've decent legs I'd go for the shorter length.

I also like wide legged cropped trousers with block heel ankle boots & a silk shirt - sezane have some beautiful silk shirts

But mostly try not to tie yourself up in knots about this one event. You've had a lot of things to deal with but you're still you!

Oh I've just thought of something else - check out the thread on here called I'm.a stylist AMA (ask me anything). If you put your question to her she might be able to show you some ideas..

Dress what about something along these lines? There's a sale section with lots of dresses this shape

I love that gold spot dress but I am also tall and curvy and imagine it would look awful on me! What style of dress/outfit would you say suits your figure?

I like this.

https://www.zara.com/gb/en/share/-p09107390.html?utmcampaign=productMultiShare&utmmmedium=mobilesharinggiOS&utmsource=reddsocialmovil&v1=222724554

It's lovely that you want everything to go well but honestly if you show up and are polite and smiley and interested in other people that will be absolutely enough. Your husband's promotion is not going to depend on how witty or fascinating you are. It's the host's role to entertain their guests and make them feel comfortable at a party they are throwing.

Personal shopper at a department store is a good idea - something that covers up the bits you dont like and doesnt make you feel self conscious is fine. Cocktails is quite broad - i think a dress usually easiest - no waistband to worry about. Any length that suits you is fine

Do you already have a pair of shoes that you like but can stand in for hours? If not get those sooner rather than later and wear them around the house to break them in a bit.

As well as the outfit depending on your budget buy yourself something extra you really like and will use again - perfume or a piece of jewellery that makes you happy.

I always feel more done with a manicure - looks nice as you hold your drink which is cheering.

What size are you roughly? How old are you? There's some really nice suits in Zara at the moment. You could dress it down with new trendy trainers. Or you could do a silk maxi skirt with a thin jumper with heels.

Thanks everyone. As I said upthread I'm a tall curvy person. Used to be a size 10-12 but now probably a size 14. 5'9". Waist is not really there and I've a mum tum. Hate upper arms!

When I had a flatter waist I liked the look of tailored structured wide leg trousers on me.
I also like blazer on me, though possibly not with the wide leg trousers... Basically something structured is needed as it makes me look / feel more slim I think.

I think the wafty dresses linked up thread look lovely on very slim / waiflike women but not in me.