I don’t recognise myself

[Aljb02]

I’m so sad

i don’t look like. My skin is awful, dull and dry

dont even get me started on my hair. It’s dry, brittle and snapped. I’m going to get it completely restyled this week I think

ive got a tonne of grey hairs

ive got wrinkles

ive gained loads of weight and have no dress sense apart from jeans and baggy tops

im going to a baby shower in half an hour and I feel like a sack of shit

my mental health is awful, I’m sad, down and just want to cry - I’ve got help for this!

since being a mum I’m lost. Lost in every aspect of my life.

any tips to help a gal out??

Sorry that you are feeling so down. What support are you getting with your mental health? Would suggest a trip to the GP if you haven't been already. Did you have a baby recently? Might be PND.

Baby shower in half an hour- honestly, no one cares or notices half as much as you notice yourself. Your friends will be pleased to see you, they're not looking for a fashion model. Stick on something that you're comfortable wearing, bit of blusher if you wear make up, go and have fun and remember that you're there to celebrate with your friends not to be judged on your appearance.

Longer term- the haircut sounds like a great idea. Don't worry about wrinkles- they don't look bad. Ditto greys (although these are easily dealt with if you don't like them). Small steps can make a big difference- drinking plenty of water, getting your 5+ a day, going for a walk every day etc- will all improve your skin and your mood. Start trying to bring a few more things into your wardrobe that you actually enjoy wearing so that it's not always jeans and baggy jumper. I find that 2 mins make up in the morning is doable and lifts my mood.

But step 1 is getting some support with your mental health.

Sorry, last line should read "more support"- I know you already have some.

Oh op. I can totally relate

The combination of aging + having a baby + lockdowns left me feeling awful about myself

Things that have helped:

• regular exercise. Made me feel so much better about myself and helped my mental health as well as physical
• Going through my wardrobe and getting rid of anything unflattering / that I didn’t like / anything no longer suitable for my lifestyle etc. Obviously as a mum of young child I didn’t have time to do this in one go so it was a work in progress a few items at a time. I’ve slowly started buying new stuff that’s nice quality & suitable for my current body and lifestyle . Even small things like having nice knickers and socks has helped a bit!
• Started going to the hairdresser regularly and getting a cut and colour. Previously I coloured it at home and had trims twice a year and it looked a bit rubbish. Appreciate this depends on finances, but for me I now prioritise this over other stuff,( I don’t have Netflix, various other stuff most other people seem to have these days)
• Reminding myself that I look ok compared to most other real life women of my age, stopped comparing myself to Instagram women
• reminding myself getting older is a privilege and I’m lucky to be alive and healthy (cheesy but so true)

I’m like that now op, 44 and am fat, grey, pasty lacking in energy and motivation etc
when I look in the mirror I really do not recognise myself, struggling.

when my kids were tiny I had pnd, I was so low and felt worthless, my hv was a massive support but I also joined the gym. It was as much time for me out of the house as it was to exercise etc but that massively helped too. Any kind of time taken for yourself will help. But I’d focus on how you’re feeling over how you look, the better you feel will help how you look, how you dress etc tell yourself every day how amazing you are, being a mum is hard, not everyone is natural and we can struggle and that’s ok.

it’s helped me read these from other people too, I think women need to be kinder to women and support each other. I’ve been so crabbit recently. It’s not me and it’s so hard, I just want to feel like me again.

How old is your child/children?
I ask because until my youngest was about 12 I felt a bit like that too. Only once they became more independent did I have time to spend on me.

I am now menopausal and can confidently say that if you smile and listen to people, no one else gives a crap what you look like and the impression you'll have given will be of a "nice" person.

I'm fat, grey haired, dry skin, wrinkly etc, but earwigging others chatting at my last outing I found I'm "lovely"... I'll take that as a win.

You can work on stuff you want to change over time... today, paste on a smile and enjoy yourself.