Stay Grey or not - Am Wobbling

[Sunnydaysareontheirway]

I've spent a year growing out my colour. I'm 50 and am now almost grey all over, and its getting me down as I look like a wild old scary witch.

I left an abusive relationship over Covid and have noticed I've been ignored and avoided by quite a lot of the parents at my childs school. I sort of it get it, people feel awkward with abuse and that's just the way the world works. He's taken over the friendships we had as a couple. So im feeling a bit down about that. But then my other child has just started reception and I thought maybe I could make some new friends but I just feel SO old.... SO, I'm wondering whether its my grey hair that's putting people off. They could think I'm an older confidant mum with a child in an older class and so wouldn't fit into their friendship group....

I was brunette a long time ago, had highlights in my 30s to cover greys and then gradually had my roots done more regularly and by the time I hit 50, although I never had an all over full colour job done my hair was all over dyed. Realised I was spending a fortune in time and money on having my roots done monthly but they were showing fortnightly so then had all the faff of spraying the roots and covering up the grey. OMG what a bloody faff.

Decided to grow it out and I am almost white at the front and its darker at the back. So its not a glamorous type of grey hair. My hair is also pretty unkempt in its style, wild, I'm half Italian so it has a life of its own, bit wirey, never looks tidy. Because of my heritage I look quite young for my age, skinwise, but now my hair is grey I can look like an old scary witch, and that's on a good day....

Question is: Should I just dye it back and feel like ME again?

What are other people's experiences? I do enjoy not having to go to the hairdressers as much and the expense but I just don't feel like me. At first it felt liberating but now I just feel old and like Im on a downward slope to old age....

How long is your hair and what's it like? It might need a different way of styling to look more intentional. Or a bit more makeup or colour near your face to avoid looking washed out. I grew mine out (was messy looking) but then dyed back. It did change the balance of how I looked.

Long grey hair looks witchy. No getting away from it, but the answer is to go to a good hairdresser where they have consultations and you can discuss a grey highlight to get you through and most of all a good cut! Long hair has the potential to be witchlike and too short will make you look manly. A great hairdresser will help you

Its shoulder length but Ive never really been a make-up wearer, don't like foundation or lipstick, never had to. I do wear eyeliner and mascara, and do more with my eyes if I go out - hahaha, I cant actually remember the last time I went out socially without children - pre-Covid and relationship break down. Dont think Id change my make-up but yes maybe a radical cut. It just never responds to anything I do at home, a bob looks messy. Was thinking maybe a shave up the back and long on top, but then will I just look like a masculine butch grey haired old witch.

Agree that generally shorter is better with grey. What's the texture like? Would a good serum like Frizz Ease help keep it sleeker?

Was thinking maybe a shave up the back and long on top DO NOT do this

I agree with the above, go and see a good hairdresser and get a consultation. Just talk it through with them and see what they think and would recommend. A really great cut might be what you need to avoid the straggly long witchy look.

I’m have decided to grow my highlights out too and embrace the grey. I’ve found it’s need a good shampoo for grey hair. I use provoke silver shampoo and conditioner every other day, which is nice then once a week a deep intensive conditioner.

I also use L’Oréal professional silver shampoo which brightens it up and stops it looking yellow and gives it a good shine.

I have to dry my hair now as I think the grey needs smoothing down a little and just use a bit of frizz ease on it.

Once I’ve grown all the old blond out I’m going to get some bright white/platinum highlights in to even it all up a bit.

Grey is very aging. I don't think I'll be ready to do it until 60. I say dye it and get a different hairstyle.

What about having some lowlights in so that the overall effect is a sort of light to medium ash brown, so slightly lighter than your natural (brown) colour? Eg some dark ash brown, some light ash brown, some ash blonde, then leave some grey. That way, you will hopefully only need to go to the hairdressers twice a year or so as there will be no obvious demarcation line when your roots grow out. There was a thread on here recently about hair masks, you could get some oil or a hair mask (eg Fanola blue) to improve the wiry texture.

I love my white hair. I do think a sharper cut and a purple shampoo make the most if it though. And make up.

I’ve grown mine out and I’m happy with it But if you don’t feel like you, just dye it back!

Had a friend in a similar situation. She’d spent two years growing out the hair dye but didn’t like it. She was wondering whether to dye it again or not. She used a type of hair dye called water colour (can’t remember the brand, think it was a man’s name) in semi permanent to see if she was happy with coloured hair. It covers up the grey but would last a couple of washes, so no big commitment either way. She loved it, and is now back to colouring permanently, and she’s very happy with her hair.

I think the fact you’re describing your self as witchy probably means grey hair isn’t for you right now. Life’s too short to be unhappy with your hair!

Your uneven distribution of white hairs means you are not uniformly grey, so it's not going to look so good, being a mixture of black/dark brown and white?

You seem unhappy with your hair, so you are ready to colour again, I think.

You can do it yourself, if you buy decent products (professional dye and developer) purchased online or from Sallys and maybe look up some youtube videos.

...and that's Daniel Field watercolour from PP, sounds like a good halfway step.

IMO there's nothing wrong with looking like a grey old witch! I'm on my 3rd grow out and i bloody love my increasing white streaks. I have long wild witchy grey/white/red/brown wavy hair with a short edgy blunt fringe and can be lazy and leave it be or put it up in space buns or plaits/ponytail/whatever. The shave idea is interesting OP.

Thank you for all the comments, really helpful!

I'm 71 and I never want to go grey. I can be old but I don't want to feel old. I colour my hair at home. Pic attached.

@Dillydollydingdong you look fab, that's it isn't it, its about how you feel inside. I have noticed people react differently to me so it makes me feel rubbish. Feminist wise of course its rubbish but sometimes its just how you feel inside. Thank you. xx

If you don't want the faf then don't do it OP- I'll bet grey looks stunning on you because it's the natural you! I'm mid thirties and going quite grey but I'm standing firm despite the wobbles. I think a lot of this "don't go grey you'll look old!"is down to negative media and ad campaigns designed to sell us shit we don't need, but perceptions are changing. Why should we have to do all this when men get away with grey hair, no makeup and not having to buy period products?! Being a woman according to societal standards and biology (menstruation/bras!) costs a fortune. I wear makeup because I like it but I'm not dyeing my hair because I feel I should. Screw that. If you yourself prefer it dyed the go for it but do it for you not for stupid standards likely written by men!

The thing with grey hair is that it becomes drier, and so can look witchy. However if you get the condition taken care of, silky grey hair look lovely! I'd look into products to make sure there is no frizz etc

I have grey hair, went fully grey at 35 as like you was fed up of the upkeep and the never ending cycle of root covering. For me I find using a good toner (I use bleach London) and ‘doing’ my hair is the one thing that stops it from looking witchy. It doesn’t have to be labour intensive, but I will curl my hair which will last for a few days. I do probably wear more makeup as well as I find the grey can wash me out a little, but tbh with olive skin maybe all you’d need to do is throw some mascara on or get a lash lift every so often.

Can you be arsed to blow dry it to look more sleek?

My sister is nearly 80. She has shoulder length hair which is pure silver! She still looks beautiful ( we were both redheads)
I am 10 years younger with white coming in more and more. I love my red hair, but can't wait to look as good as her 😊

Thanks Sunnydays

I find the texture of my grey hair is such that even dyed it looked witchy if I didn't do something to it.

I straighten it (Brazilian blow dry) twice a year which stops it looking messy.

I went grey a few years back, still have some natural dark blonde, but very grey/white at the front. I like it, and it suits my skin tone. You have to keep it well cut, conditioned and maybe change your products as it can be very dry. I think after a certain age most women look better with their natural colour, just as men do.

I agree that long grey hair if not kept well can look witchy (or wizardy, depending on your sex!) but well styled, well conditioned grey hair can look amazing (as with any colour).

Why not go for a restyle - not a shave up the back or an undercut, these are not good styles - and get a free makeover at one/several of the good beauty counters to see if that helps with how you're feeling about yourself? If at the end of that you're still tempted to recolour then maybe highlights to blend it all through, rather than a block colour.

It's just hair, so if you want to dye it, dye it.
I am sure that you don't look old or witchy - but that's how you feel, and it is clearly getting you down, so why not change it.
I would recommend going to a good hair-dresser. Having a new stylish cut (please don't shave bits!) and a lovely color (perhaps with some highlights, so the roots don't come through too quickly) will do you the world of good.
A good hairdresser can also advise you on what to do so that your roots won't be so obvious.
No need to feel sad and old, particularly when this is the beginning of a happy new period for you, and when you have overcome so much.