Sex shop lingerie for Christmas

[WhiteChocMocha]

So my friend got gifted lingerie for Christmas by DH and is beside herself.

She’s shown me it and it’s really risqué, cheap sex shop type stuff, think crotchless body stocking or barely there latex with cuffs.

She’s been crying and still isn’t over it weeks later. My friend’s style is more definitely Kate Middleton than Katie Price, she dresses expensive and classy. Her DH is apparently a pretty respectful guy and is upset that he’s hurt her.

Do women still get that kind of stuff for Christmas? Thought that ended with 1999? Has anyone had an experience like that?

How would you feel if your man gifted you risqué lingerie?

He didn't 😱 Grim. I'd be more insulted by the fact it showed how little he knew me than the item itself. I think I've been single too long and like my comfy knickers too much. That tacky stuff was late teens only. I'd feel objectified if done I've bought me something like that now. Not that they would. Your poor friend. I'd cry too.

I would be more upset by my friend sharing it on the internet

Your friend needs to get a grip

Are you the DH?

I would be really upset by this too tbh.

She’s fine with it, she’s right next to me 😉 We just can’t believe her DH has done that as he is a really lovely guy. Is this common?

Surely he knows the kind of money she spends on her usual clothing? He even comments that she is stylish and elegant so surely a man would know giving a woman £5 lingerie doesn’t make her feel sexy or appreciated?

Even if your friend is happy with the tacky shit he bought her, it isn’t a present for her, is it? It’s for his benefit. Obviously she’s never going to wear it so it’s a waste of money.

Why has your mate not got him to return it and then buy her a real present?

I would’ve opened it and told him with a very cold face that I’d hoped he’d kept the receipt. I have considered a New Year divorce over less horrific presents (and my DH is decent and lovely) just at the hurt from thinking he didn’t know me very well.

Apart from that, the sleaze factor would bother me too. Is he having a midlife crisis?

Your poor friend… I feel divorcey and murdery on her behalf. What is it about men?

Gosh your poor friend. I'd be upset too. He's bought himself a present, no way is that a present for her. As a couple you talk about this sort of thing first and decide together whether to try it or not. He's been really out of order.

I don't believe it's supposed to make her feel sexy and appreciated. By giving it as a present I'd say it's meant to make her feel obligated to use it. So a shit present with a huge dose of manipulation thrown in. Nice.

It would probably spell the beginning of the end, for me. I'd look back after we'd split and remember that as the moment he drove a huge nail into the coffin of our relationship.

Why is this in Style and Beauty? There is nothing stylish OR beautiful about tat like that.

Ew. No.

I have had gifts on these lines - some that I've liked and some that I haven't. I don't mind my partner trying his luck and am happy that he's looking for shared enjoyment through his gifts. That said, he usually gives me more than one present. If the only gift was sex-related, I might feel more that he had a one-dimensional view of me. (And I might feel that even if I liked it - much more annoying if it was something he should know I didn't like, or that he'd made no effort with!)

Would your friend have minded as much if the gift had been expensive? (Agent Provocateur or similar.) If there was obvious avoidable meanness, that could possibly bother me, but - to me - there are advantages to cheap, experimental 'fun' presents.

To me that's something your partner might buy outside of present giving season...definitely NOT present worthy unless it's been discussed and agreed upon before (and probably not the only gift!). Not sure I could work myself up to a divorce about it, but I'd definitely want a good chat with my DH about how it would make me feel to receive a gift like that. It's so loaded.

It's Homer Simpson's bowling ball with the predrilled holes.

It's for him, not her. Added to which people do ask, "what did you get from DH?". Nice having to answer that...

Perhaps it was expensive, even if it looks cheap.
What does her DH say about it? Is he taking it back?

As an additional present I wouldn't get too worked up about it. He obviously wants to see a different side to her in the bedroom. He obviously finds her attractive and wants to mix things up in the bedroom. I'm not sure what her being more Kate Middleton than Price has to do with it. They both have sex and I've no doubt Kate M does things that'll make her blush if we knew. Sex is sex.

She sounds a bit dramatic. I’d laugh for about three weeks and tell DH to give me the receipt to return it. Her reaction seems a bit over the top and I have no idea why you think you need to post about it.