DD 13 wants to find her style

[RedAndWhiteHotAirBalloon]

DD has grown into a frustrated and grumpy teenager in recent weeks. Yesterday she confided in me that she doesn't feel she wears the clothes that are 'her', her room isn't 'her' and nothing is. 😉

She doesn't know how to find her style. Up until now, she was happy with clothes from H&M, which she chooses herself.

How can I support her find clothes she likes, and feel comfortable in her own skin?

She also says that there are clothes she likes the look of but doesn't know how to pull off, for example cropped cardigans, more stylish tops and ends up wearing plains jumpers instead. She doesn't want to get it wrong. Any thoughts on how she can explore and enjoy her style or styles?

I’m not sure there’s a 13 year old alive who knows who they are…. There are also tons of adults who probably feel the same. I think a problem at the moment is we are bombarded with images through social media and clothing trends change very rapidly. You’ve got to suppress the fear that you’re being left behind and you’re not relevant but it’s tough. I think the advice for anyone would be to collect images on Pinterest (or wherever) of outfits that she likes to start with. Once you have a few you can start to see if there’s a theme or common denominator. I’d then empty out the wardrobe and have a trying on session and see what items she loves and feels good in and then keep those to one side. How do those items fit in with her mood boards. She’s not going to create a capsule wardrobe like an adult and her tastes will change endlessly but some good basics like jeans and trainers will be a starting point. If nothing feels great to her how do her current clothes differ from her mood board.

Oh and also there is no “wrong”…. Sounds like she’s worried about judgement of other people. I don’t have any teenage influencers to suggest but someone like Saint Thrifty on Instagram is exceptionally cool and only buys second hand so you can see how someone can step away from the churn of fast fashion.

Her style will evolve countless times over as she matures. I have never stuck to a set style, and probably never will, and I'm 30! It sounds like more what she's looking for is knowing how to put outfits together so she feels more grown up?

Maybe suggest finding some accounts on Instagram to look at together for some inspiration and ideas on what she likes and doesn't like and the kind of outfits she wants to put together? Perhaps some younger women who put together outfits for each day etc. There are tonnes of accounts like that out there, I follow a few and find them great for inspiration and new ways of putting together pieces from my existing wardrobe.

Vinted is your friend here, for experimenting.

My DD is almost 13 and in the last year went from utility stuff I used to buy her from Fat Face, Mountain Warehouse etc - to a slightly hippy mystic tshirts and light checked shirts look - to a 90s ribbed tops, cords, smiley, geo print, wide jeans, Converse and (fake M&S) Dr Martens type look, whatever you might call that!

Ultimately she has realised she wants to feel warm and comfy (she hates anything cropped), and she's not sporty at all so not into any Nike, tracksuit, athleisure ranges etc.
You kind of have to go with her hobbies and her friends style here too, as often they just want to fit in with what their friends wear. My DD does performing arts and they're a rather flamboyant bunch, it's a little too much for her but she has picked out some aspects of it that she thinks she likes.
She likes brands like Bershka and Monki so I favourited anything I could find in a 6/XS on Vinted and let her browse and choose. Anything that wasn't a hit, I just put back on Vinted and re-sold.

If in doubt, anything merch-based from her favourite shows is always good. DD got a Stranger Things Hawkins baseball jacket for Christmas which hasn't been off her back yet!

13 year old DD likes tshirts from Qwertee and is generally a bit grungy I suppose baggy ripped jeans or black jeggings, check flannel shirts, short hair, and black chunky converse boots.

She wouldn't be seen dead in anything figure revealing so no crop tops or Nike Pro shorts in our house.

For your DD maybe a trip to TK Maxx or even charity shops (in posher towns) will let her experiment for a low cost.

My dd was lost and confused at 13, wearing lots of very plain jeans, cords and hoodies. Then she went through a very experimental stage, and now at 16 she feels like she has finally found her style. It takes time…

My DD’s favourite store is Brandy Melville. Plenty of inspiration there.