Being ‘put together’

[fruitypatooti]

Nearing 30, 2 small children, work full time and not much spare £££. How do I start looking/feeling put together? Most of the time I think I look a bit scruffy and seem to always be rushing around and forgetting things. Help me get myself/my appearance together in 2023 please!

I (like a child) plait my hair before bed to give it some texture, and use a tinted moisturiser on my face to help keep myself looking a bit more put together!

Following your thread as I look like I've just gotten out of bed most of the time

This is my aim for 2023 because I have spent the past 3 years looking and feeling like a slob.

young children, covid, wfh, weight game, very little free time and (probably) peri menopausal anxiety and self loathing for half the month has rendered me completely incapable of getting my shit together.

I can manage the odd day if I need to go to the office or have an
event of some description but 6/7 days I am Waynetta. Well no, even Waynetta had an “aesthetic” - I don’t have a look or a vibe in the slightest.

some things I am planning on doing differently next year:

Trendy smart casual trainers which DONT get used for dog walks / park etc and are reserved for dry days / lunches / casual events only.

Few decent basics (budget to be decided but don’t have to be expensive) -
im thinking few neutral colours of T-shirts, 1 or 2 decent jumpers or knits (that don’t bobble immediately).
A smart coat - likely a wool one with a slightly more trendy shape.
Jeans in black and blue - again only used for days out, work, lunches etc. Not used to slob around in.

Decent cross body bag and some nice new sunglasses. Decent gold hoops and nice chunky necklace.

All of this can be purchased second hand on vinted etc. I’m not looking to bankrupt myself.

Also have to start wearing bras again, I’ve lived and died in soft sports bras and crop tops and my shape has all but disappeared. I need some lift!

I always try to wear a tad of make up or tinted moisturiser and have decent skin and hair so that’s not too bad.

I think a small selection of reusable basics (in colours which all work together) plus a cross body bag, or large shopper / tote plus big sunglasses and CLEAN smart trainers or a causal boot is enough to make sure clothes wise you look pulled together.
Either tidy natural hair or slick back in a bun / high pony, tinted moisturiser, slighted tinted lip balm, gold hoops (or whatever simple jewellery you like) and a spritz of a fresh perfume or body spray and you’re good to go.

I say this like it’s easy - if only I were, I’ve been thinking I’ll do this for years now 🤣

There are masses of clips on TikTok at the moment of being “high maintenance to be low maintenance” - basically the things people invest time in so that day to day they don’t have to spend a lot of time to look good.

it basically seems to consist of blocking out regular time for the things you consider important (so hair, nails, eyebrows etc if beauty is your thing) and then day to day they’re just sorted so you don’t have to worry.

I find it fascinating and have picked up some good tips about what people do.

Following

I need a solution to my long, not curly , not straight, over processed hair!

I think you need to dedicate time to it!
I keep leaving the house without even mascara on and just hope I don't run into anyone I know!
Maybe I could do the high maintenance thing by getting eyelash curl and dye?
I like the tinted moisture idea too but I get milia easily so not sure that would suit me?

I always look put together. All the time. Even when i getting ready to bed. Its really makes you feel your best and confidence.

my routine first thing after inwake up its wash my face, brush my teeth. Put my moisturiser and sun cream on my face. Put blush, make my eyebrow and liptint. i dont use mascara or foundation because i’m happy with my skin (been using tretinoin for years). Having a good skin its very important so you dont have to out foundation in your face. Because put foundation its feels heavy on my face. I dont like it.

i always changed my clothes with trouser and blouse or jogger bottom and nice jumper for more casual look. Even if i’m not going anywhere.

i always have a good hair. I blow dry my hair every 4 days and sleep with satin bonnet. So the blow dry will last until the next washing day.

i put perfume after that. And i’m ready to start my day.

and at night time after i wash
my face and put on my skincare, i changed into nice slip dress or pjs in the winter.

pjs only for sleep. Even on the lazy weekend. I do my routine. Its really simple and only takes 15 minutes in my morning time.

Always have your hair in a good cut.

I started only having nice New Years resolutions a few years ago and one year’s was to wear jewellery every day, I’ve kept with that resolution as I really enjoy it, even if I’m home alone I have earrings a chain/necklace and watch on .

I also need to do this, had the worst year ever and I need to stop looking so awful.

A big part of it for me is actually doing it, I used to look so groomed when I was young but I was up at 6, hair washed, blow dried and straightened and make up on everyday. Letting my hair dry naturally and using no make up somehow doesn't have the same effect 😂

I got to a healthy weight, and invest most of my grooming time and money in my hair. After that the rest is just gravy.

You need tailored clothes in neutral colours, and you need to plan how you put them together. Then add one colour only, if you have to.

I wear tailored wool coats in black, navy, grey or cream unless it’s snowing, in which case I’ll wear my sole parka, which is a plain black Woolrich, not red or pink or shiny or edged with fake fur. Coats like that, or those ‘teddy bear’ coats, automatically look the opposite of put together in my view, and in Britain we spend most of the year in coats so you might as well get that right. I don’t like those waterproof duffle coat things either, like that yellow one Joules sold for years. Makes adult women look like wannabe toddlers. ‘Cute’ and ‘put together’ don’t mix.

Ditto scarves: I wear plain colours only, and I buy wool or cashmere. You won’t see me in a hat with Pom Pom ‘ears’ or coloured stripy gloves. Fine if that’s your style, each to her own, but put together it is not.

Don’t get me started on those floral wellies.

This thread is amazing!
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/3797652-thanks-to-s-b-i-m-finally-winning-in-the-pursuit-of-elegance

Can't say I am as put together as I'd like, but I'm never embarrassed by my clothes any more! Bit more practice and careful purchases before I'll feel like I've got it all sorted

Nice coat and boots

Get your eyebrows threaded regularly
Good haircut
Good, supportive underwear
Clothes which suit your body shape rather than high fashion
Clean, natural nails

I've got into Anna Reid on youtube. She's my new idol! I wouldn't dress how she does (too formal for me) but all of her advice is good and is working for me. I got the Acloset app and have been uploading my favourite clothes to it. Making it easier to see what's working in my wardrobe and what's missing/what I can shop for if I fancy. I love that there are a few ways to "randomise " an outfit so instead of kids hanging off my legs and me losing my rag (why is mummy getting dressed the prime time for them to hang off me?!) I can play around on the app and plan an outfit in a relaxing way!

I think I am quite put together and I quite often get told that I look polished and asked where I get my clothes and jewellery from. I stick to the following:
Hair always washed and straightened (v frizzy otherwise) and in a long bob that doesn't take too long to dry and sort out. I always wear makeup including foundation but it takes me less than 10 minutes. Nails short and clean, I used to bite them and they are quite brittle if I grow them. I now try to buy fewer clothes but better quality, and the same with jewellery, I have a few understated but lovely earrings and necklaces which I wear on rotation with different outfits.

I am also now a size 12-14 after having been much bigger, which definitely helps. I don't know what my style is really but I love the way Hush style their clothes so I try to emulate that.

I get my eyebrows, lip and chin threaded every couple of weeks, and this makes a big difference to how I feel.

Ive recently done similar.

Regular hairdresser appt, I no longer leave my hair to dry naturally and wash it the night before and blow-dry. Days in office I always wear makeup. Days not throw on tinted moisturiser, lip balm and mascara. More quality clothes rather than just more clothes. Invest in good pieces that fit well. Ie m&s rather than primark etc. If they fit better they look better. So even if you're on the school run skinny jeans, a decent coat and clean runners/flat boots are perfect.

• Classic, well fitting clothes in neutral colours that suit your tone
• Nothing gaudy or flash in jewellery or make up
• Healthy well maintained hair, skin and nails
• Clothes ironed, well fitting, shoes cleaned and shined. Everything looks new even if it isn't it's been so well maintained no loose threads, creases, missing buttons ...

Well put together seems boring but when it all comes together it looks very elegant. I think the reason this look is admired is because the foundations of looking put together require and reflect an image of a person who is: thoughtful, organised, humble, practical, clean, tidy, has healthy self confidence and respects themselves and their company.

This is something a lot of people aspire to, including me! However what this looks like can be subjective and down to an individual idea and image etc. so a good place to start is try to understand what ‘well put together’ looks like for you- are there any celebrities that have the look, what about brands or characters from movies etc. Once you understand that, next comes the audit- what clothing, beauty products Etc do you have that match this look? Keep those and then declutter the stuff that isn’t aligned.
You can then identify what is missing and start a project to fill the gaps. This doesn’t need to cost £££- there are plenty of beauty dupes eg: Aldi for perfume at £2.99, Superdrug Elf or Revolution cosmetics at a fraction of higher end prices. I also source at least 50% of my clothing from charity shops, it’s about being selective and knowing what you need.

DM me if you’d like to know more about this strategy that I have evolved over time- I love talking about fashion and style ♥️