Looking and feeling haggard and tired..Aftermath of an abusive relationship.Please help!

[thatsthejob]

I'm 49.I've recently left an emotionally abusive relationship and mentally feel like a shell of my former self..a once confident, outgoing,goodhumoured lady who loved nothing more than styling up and socialising. I am ready to reclaim my former self but at two stone overweight, dull skinned, sluggish and feeling like 100 years old, I dont know where to start. I lost interest in style but recently , I got my hair cut and coloured and also got acrylics.I wear simple gold jewellry..a gold necklace and a diamond ring.That's it.I'm 5'7", dark haired, mildly sallow and apple shaped size 14. I have a big round face and hooded eyes and don't know what to do with make up to enhance me.I do wear cc creme, blusher and mascara for work every day.Any advice for a miracle appreciated. I became a kind of a hermit for a few months but have been asked out with a few groups of friends over the next month so would like to build my confidence again.Please help me.I'm embarrassed that I allowed myself to be treated so badly and it's written all over me.

Hey! Love that you’re on the way up again, congratulations!
I’ve got to say my very first thought is about Eating. If I were you…I’d start 16/8 and drinking two litres of water a day. Ditch all refined sugars. You will feel different very quickly. If you go for a bulletproof coffee in the morning you’ll find 16 easy to manage.
if you are having trouble sleeping well, try montmorency cherry. Good sleep, 16/8, and go for a walk in the park each day for fresh air and excercise.
its cold at the mo so I’m drinking lots of big mugs of camomile tea and downing glasses of warm water. Keep hydrated!

Congratulations on getting out of a bad situation. Whenever I'm feeling empty like that I go basic. I've got long hair so I wash it and plait it, basic makeup like you've described, simple outfit eg jeans in a modern style, jumper in a colour that suits me, with boots and coat which coordinate with the rest of the outfit.

You don't sound so bad in terms of making an effort. I can't comment on your looks without a pic but you sound perfectly normal to me! I'd say focus on your emotional health and you might start to feel better about yourself. The PP gave some good health tips. You'll start looking better when your physical health is tip top and also when you've rediscovered your ability to smile.

You can't help how you feel and your friends no doubt know what you've been through, you're not a display object for others to look at anyway. Go out, put your makeup on and your best outfit, have fun with your friends. That's what everyone else is doing, nobody is staring at you thinking how you look. It will boost your confidence to go out with friends again.

Look up some makeup tutorials on YouTube if you want to try something different and experiment on your day off (in case it doesn't go to plan!). Pick up a fashion magazine for latest fashion and makeup trends and new products. Go to a makeup counter for a makeover if you want to. Book a personal shopper if you've no idea where to start with clothes and need some new ones. You've already made a start with the hair and nails which will make a bigger impact than what you're wearing.

I just wanted to say well done on getting out of an abusive relationship OP. You should celebrate that achievement. Be kind to yourself. Rediscover things you enjoy. See old friends. Make new friends. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and about life.

I don't think you need a miracle solution/a wonder product/a perfect dress/whatever. I think you need to rebuild your confidence and that will take time. Be kind to yourself 💐

Well done for getting out of this harmful situation I hope you start to feel better about yourself as a person. I’m sorry that you have likely been worn down by the abuser undermining you and possibly trying to destroy you. Now for building yourself back up : possibly some CBT. As you regain confidence be aware of the way you hold yourself. Literally walk tall and it will make you look and feel better. Drink plenty of fluid as someone upthread has said. Get a nice serum for your skin. Rosehip facial oil is very good (tk maxx has a lot of good skin care ) Also one of the quickest ways of improving appearance is to have well cared for eyebrows believe it or not. So an eyebrow wax and fill in with eyebrow makeup. There are many other ways you can gradually work on your look My abuser made me feel worthless in the end and it took me a long time once I had got away to think I was worth adorning with makeup or even perfume. But eventually I regained confidence. Good luck and have fun experimenting