feeling unattractive and like I’ve lost myself

[bells2810]

I’m just going into my third trimester of pregnancy, I want to preface by saying how grateful I am to be pregnant and how I know what my body is doing is incredible - I am so so so thankful to be pregnant and can’t wait to be a mum.

I do feel like throughout my pregnancy I’ve lost my sense of personal style and that I generally just don’t look like myself much anymore. I’ve put on some weight which is understandable, and I’ve also started a new job which means I wear a uniform and start really early in the mornings so don’t often do my hair and makeup like I used to. My partner and I haven’t been going out or on date nights as much, as we’re saving up for baby’s arrival, so I don’t tend to get dressed up or do a full face of makeup like I used to. I literally only wear my work uniform or comfortable, baggy maternity clothes at the moment and I never feel like I look put together or nice anymore.

I love beauty and fashion and follow a lot of instagram and YouTube accounts, for inspiration more than anything else, but lately they’ve been making me feel rubbish about myself. I unfollowed a lot of them because I was comparing myself which I know isn’t helpful. But I’m also comparing myself to how I looked when my partner and I first got together. He would never ever say anything bad about how I look, when I’ve brought it up and said I feel unattractive he always reassures me, but I do worry he’s just saying it and deep down he also thinks I look like a slob who’s been dragged through a hedge backwards most of the time.

I don’t want to go down the route of relying on getting my hair, nails, lashes, tan done etc which I used to when I was very self conscious, it had taken me a long time to be comfortable with how I look and I feel my confidence has just taken a big knock lately.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or got any tips for feeling better?

I’m the same! I wear pj bottoms around the house and maternity jeans and jumpers with trainers.

I was hoping to wear nice knitted dresses etc but so far haven’t found any flattering options.

My hair is in a pony tail everyday and I’ve never been good at make up.

I am so hoping everything goes well with this pregnancy and I want to make more effort with myself and exercise when I can post baby arriving!

10 years ago I could have written your post pretty much word for word. Only there was no insta and YouTube wasn't as big.

I spent my 3rd trimester, not on mumsnet finding out how to look after a baby (I had no clue) but on style and beauty because I felt and looked like shite.

To save money I'd worn my sisters maternity wardrobe, she dresses completely differently to me, so nothing I wore suited or felt nice. We also stayed in for 9 months to save money so what was the point of dressing up.

Then I fell for the ohhh you need to dress xyz because you won't have time when the baby is born.
So mine were
No contact lenses only glasses
Grow your hair long, time for mum bun
Jeggings
Bretons
Cardigans
A nice scarf for BF
A hideous pair of clarkes boots would work with both Jersey dresses (hide the mum tum with the scarf of course and the jeggings)

This was all info I gathered in the middle of the night from S&B.

Now my personal style has always been somewhat eclectic, but NO I was a MOTHER now I must put my personal tastes behind me and my jeggings in front.

It's not as bad here now of course. But I did all these things, and bought all those outfits that to me (in my own personal private opinion) were frumpy nightmare looks and I wore them.
Then one day about 6 months in I saw myself in Debenhams and went who the fuck are you, left the baby in his pram with my dad and marched to the nearest hairdresser and got my hair cut off. So fucking freeing. Boots went in the bin and eventually once they fitted again I went back to my old wardrobe.

And I had time everyday(OK most, sometimes I couldn't be arsed or the baby was having a day too) to do my hair and makeup, and shower.

So I suppose I want to say this time will pass, you will still be you when you have your precious baby.

Also I regret staying in for 9 months, you'll find the money when the baby comes, you will never have the child free time back (I'm assuming this is your 1st)

GO ON THE DATES! Dress up now, do free or cheap things,date at home.

You are you FIRST and a Mother second, the whole oxygen analogy and all that.

For a nice treat now I recommend Dior nail glow it makes your own nails just look better and kind of fades off so you don't have a chipping issue, it's expensive for nail polish but cheaper than a salon visit.

Sorry for the lengthy post, I got a bit carried away, but I really hated those bloody tunics and jeggings

I gave up completely and just tried to look clean and presentable until baby turned 1.

Nice nails, skincare, conditioned hair.

You will get back into the style game but give yourself a chance to do motherhood first!

Pick which things are most important to you, and focus on them. When the baby comes (exciting!) you will probably have less time, so you will need to prioritise. For example, I like nice underwear. So, I refused to buy ugly maternity bras and only got nice ones in pretty colours. Maybe you’re not that fussed about bras, and instead will focus on…regular hairdressing appointments? New clothes in colours that really suit you? A new signature make up style that can be done in 5 mins, one-handed? Manicures?

You still get to be you, pick what makes you feel most like you and hang onto it.

Note: You will still have some time, ignore the “never shower again” people, but you will need to prioritise.

You posted in style and beauty but you don't want to rely on beauty treatments which you used to have to feel good but then you compare yourself to when you used to have these treatments done so I'm confused as to what you mean by needing tips? Not being arsey, I agree with you on unfollowing people who make you feel less than and for wanting a genuine secure sense of beauty that doesn't rely on fake nails and eyelashes but just want to understand what you think might help. Is this a therapy, journaling, affirmation thing?
I was going to suggest attractive lounge wear and a good concealer and blusher as your hair will likely fall out after the birth and hormonal skin can be hit and miss. Perfumes wouldn't recommend as baby benefits from smelling you and fragrances can trigger allergy.... So I would get nice slippers and PJ's, robes, comfy presentable clothes at home maybe a pedi.