Anyone else want to moan about being stuck in a rut?

[Whathappenedto]

Hi,
It's a long one, sorry!

I've changed my name because this is just me ranting on about clothes and it feels really disconnected to anything else I have posted about, and I am wierdly embarrassed about feeling like this...

I avidly follow the threads where people ask about getting their style back in their late 30s/40s/50s etc after having kids, or letting style and fashion fall by the wayside for whatever reason. Because I am in the same boat. I'm 39, 3 kids under 5, my body is fine, my hair is fine, my clothes are... awful. When I was younger I had a very strong sense of my own style, and looking back at pictures, I didn't always look great I guess, but I felt good about myself.

Now, I just feel rubbish in everything. Most of my clothes are shabby, tired, worn out. The mini dresses I used to wear suddenly seem indecent on me; my high waisted jeans that I loved because they go with all my slightly cropped tops and jumpers now just serve to emphasise my C-section paunch and look dowdy and saggy and tight in the wrong places and they all have holes in the knees; all my t-shirts are worn through and holey; jumpers are moth eaten; the knicker drawer is a crime scene. Clothes that felt right for me over the past few years suddenly just seem awful and embarrassing - my (accidental) current look is a dowdy version of a nineties hippy countryside mum who exclusively dresses from car boot sales. This would be a great look, I reckon, if I could carry it off, but I just can't. I'm too old, my face is funny looking, I have shit glasses, my hair frizzes up with post-partum baby hairs at the front and I don't wear make up.
It doesn't help that my kids are mostly at the stage where I will in all likelihood get banana mushed into my clothes at some point in the day. So, there's also not much point dressing in stuff that matters. I go to the office 3 days a week and this is where I am really struggling as I am such a mess and whilst I don't need to look smart, I need to look like an adult human who didn't get dressed in the dark from the laundry pile/ mutton dressed as lamb.
I don't have the time, energy or budget to shop, and because it's really important to me to buy second hand this is even more of a time suck. And, I don't know what I want- so I can't really look for it. When I do get stuff from Vinted, Ebay, Depop, it's rarely what I imagined it would be, the fabric is often not as described- I like natural fabrics because I get hot and want clothes to be breathable- and the fit is so random that I often end up just donating it to charity or selling it on.
I absolutely do not want to do my colours or go to a John Lewis personal shopper, I just wanted to have a moan, and to maybe see if anyone else wanted to also have a moan! Thank you for reading and sorry for boring on.

But, if anyone has any magic tips for totally revitalising their wardrobe, I am all ears.

@thenewaveragebear1983 yesssss why are all the tops so flouncy?! Ruffles, shoulder details, cut outs etc etc.

@Gloucester15 Exactly. I think I actually am much more judgemental than I think I am, which is why I think others will judge me harshly. My mum and dad always commented on people's appearance (including me!) and it's exhausting and embrassing, and I think I have internalised it. I do honestly think that the majority of people who know you might think, if they even notice 'oh, it looks like xxx is wearing some make up today. She looks nice. I wonder if she has a job interview later' and then they will never think about it again. To that end I am going to take baby steps by wearing mascara and a tinted lip balm and see how I feel. I started using a hair oil a few months ago, and having okay hair has made a small but significant difference in my confidence.

It's interesting you say that OP, both my DM and DGM are super judgemental about how people look and I've just realised that to a degree, I've obviously internalised that too because I'm so critical of myself.

I'm 42, one DC and complimentary c-section paunch, and I found that whilst I've never had a great deal of style, when I was slimmer and younger I could get away with wearing skinny jeans with a vest and a good jacket/coat, and nobody blinked an eye. However, I'm now older and considerably larger, and less able to do so.

I too have been shopping second-hand a lot when what I need to do is invest in some good basics.

Thanks for the thread! I won't be getting rid of my big knickers just yet, so if anybody can recommend big ones in jazzy colours I'd be delighted! 😃

Ah great @Whathappenedto I hope it works for you! I think there are some other rivals too like Lookieroo but I haven't had time to investigate.

Some months I keep everything in mine, most months I send a few things back, but overall I'm up about a dozen items which actually look ok on me!

@Whathappenedto i hope you enjoy your lovely new things, it’s such a nice feeling to get some new things that you really love.

i definitely agree with those who say we have internalised this inner critic of our parents (for me it’s mother) - I will always find the one thing I don’t 100% like about an outfit or an item of clothing and as such I rarely justify buying anything new. I then buy things from charity shops which although they are nice and in good condition, they aren’t exactly what I want or need but I justify it because they are cheap.

i really want some boots- tan, small heel, lace up, I think they would be great with some of my dresses and skirts to ‘winter them up’ - but I baulk at the price and the fact they aren’t perfectly what I want…3 years I have been looking for bloody boots 😂 I did this with coats as well until my kids started playing football and it was essential to get a huge warm coat, and I stopped caring that it made me look huge.