Let myself go - need a new start

[MrsHughesPinny]

I’m just getting divorced from a person who sucked all the life out of me. I’ve moved to a new city, got a new job and I’ve started losing the 4 + stone (yikes…) I put on since COVID started.

I feel like I want to do something to cheer myself up and start this next chapter really well. I’m about to turn 40 and my self esteem has really been eroded, particularly over the last 2-3 years. I just don’t know where to start.

I work in a creative field, but I’m not the most stylish and I’m still very overweight (size 18, 5’9”). I’m good at my job and quite senior but I want to stand out, make new friends and mostly just get my joy back. Anyone got any ideas?

Hair cut and coloured is always a good start, I think. Maybe book some beauty treatments in -eyebrow reshape and tint , lash lift and tint, gel nails, some facials. All stuff you can do that is not relevant to how much you weigh and helps with feeling put together every day. I found taking time for myself in this way really helped myself esteem and had more impact than new clothes etc. Having said that definitely treat yourself to some key pieces at each size as your losing the weight (Vinted is great for a budget and you can resell as you lose the weight 😉) Good luck

You have achieved so much already!

My advice would be to take it slow

No big style change, just slowly acquiring things you like, what suits you etc

Browse e-bay too

Try lots of stuff on

As you may not have time to grow all your own fruit and vegetables I suggest a weekly veg box. I guarantee that if you quadruple the amount of veg you eat - alongside nuts and seeds - and cut out processed food, you won’t recognise yourself in a year. (And you’ll see the difference in three months.)

If you’re intent on losing weight you may not want to spend a huge amount on clothes right now - but hats this year are amazing! And get some wonderful boots. And whatever other accessories make you happy.

Also - get as much sleep as you can.

A decent haircut always helps. Then quietly start something new and healthy, maybe C25K or a martial art or yoga.

It will improve your health, skin, posture, making everything else look better.

Get some really nice exercise gear, Sweaty Betty or the M&S Goodmove stuff, then join a gym and do some new (to you) classes. And a running club. You will get fit, feel great and make new female friends. Find out whether any of your new colleagues would be interested in running at lunchtime or after work (assuming that where you work has showers etc).

You’re lovely and tall so you will have a good choice of new clothes when you’ve knocked your four stone off. Which I am sure that you will do easily. Good luck.

I’d say skincare! People notice your face. I’ve a lovely dewy Charlotte Tilsbury foundation which I use sparingly; concealer; brow brush; and warm toned eye shadows with lipstick and mascara. I second the regular haircut. Good grooming and you can get away with not spending loads on clothes, as long as they fit and can be mixed in a capsule.

See if there is a womens rugby club in your new town, generally very welcoming and a place for every size and shape in rugby plus its really sociable. Take up c25K to help with the cardio.

Well done on everything!

I'm a size 18, not looking to lose weight because I love my size and being a bit bigger, but you definitely have to dress for your shape instead of wearing clothes that look good on smaller people.

For me, thats dresses that are in at the waist and out, and trouser suits that are high waisted with looser jackets. I also wear very loose dresses. I like luxurious fabrics like lace, velvet, silk, and intricate patterns and colour combinations. I would also wear linen and cotton. Never polyester or anything. I make an effort with my hair and that makes a huge difference.

What's your style, though?

Agree with other PP who say you have achieved so much, out of a relationship, new city, new job, and starting losing weight, which is fab, and you will do it without the shackles of the old life - so don't undermine what you have just done. For the new life, hair ! Good hair makes such a difference, and is easy to sort. Making friends is really hard, especially in a new city and in a new job, and it takes time because you need shared experiences, but be kind to yourself. If you get new friends within 6 months, you are doing really well, if it is slow to come, at least you have the spare time to do some of the things that you also want to do (e.g. lose weight) unfettered by what friendships sometimes entail (eating / drinking out etc. ). Expect to feel lonely from time to time, but it is worth it. Good luck with it all xx

Well done for all the new starts! That takes courage. I agree hair and skin. Both will improve with lifestyle. I’d consider some form of physical activity as it will make you feel better and I think helps skin due to circulation. What are your teeth like?

Find a gym class that you actively enjoy doing so you want to go. I hated C25K every time I did it (10+ times over the years) but it was effective; then I joined a gym which offered Body Balance, Zumba and other Les Mills classes and now I go 5 times a week, quite happily. I still need to shift 2 stones but when I leave the gym I feel grateful for the stretchiness, strength, grace and power of my body, not mad at it because I can't squeeze it into my old size 12 jeans.

Sorry, meant to add! While I don't actively hang out with the people in my gym classes, the regulars I see every week have a great camaraderie going, and it's nice to feel part of a different human gathering. Especially on the Zumba class, when we're all moving to music and generally having unselfconscious fun.

I lost 7 stone a few years ago.

It's 90% mindset and for me treating myself to new clothes along the way, not waiting until some magical goal weight and wearing unflattering clothes until then helped massively. It's so much easier if you feel good along the way.

I enjoyed mint velvet and hush but also got a lot on Vinted because I could buy bands without "wasting" too much money or doing quite as much fast fashion environmental damage with things I was intending to shrink out of and only wear for a few months.

I also took up walking (not just strolls but long solo walks, later proper hikes as I got fitter) which was a real psychological help for me personally - some people get the same from jogging or swimming. Time to yourself and for yourself without guilt is a major part of it.

This.

I would say even beyond the gym, if you sign up for something that you've always thought looked cool, but convinced yourself you weren't capable of. Maybe for you that's something like rock climbing, or surfing, or military fitness, or vinyasa yoga, or karate, or mountain biking. Whatever makes you think, "that looks so cool".

You'll get the exercise itself, which helps with the day-to-day mental health part. But you'll also get the experience of doing something you'd always wanted to do but doubted you could. That experience really, really helps with boosting and reinforcing self-confidence. It becomes more about proving yourself to yourself, and the weight becomes an afterthought.

What is the foundation you mentioned please?

Following for links to amazing hats please! 😊

Hats?

No 1.

No 2.

No 3.

For example. Plenty more - everywhere. 🎩

Thank you so much for all the encouraging words, everyone! ❤️

I lost a lot of my sense of self over the past few years. Hiking was something I always really enjoyed, but my former H was a ‘bed > work > TV > bed’ person and took a lot of looking after so I just stopped prioritising myself and doing any of the things I enjoyed.

I stopped colouring my hair during Covid. It’s not a bad colour, it’s just a light brown (with a couple of little greys starting to make an appearance!) but it’s quite fine and down to my mid-back. Maybe I could get some balayage again. I can definitely invest in some good skincare. At the moment, I’m just using a CeraVe salicylic acid cleanser and a Clinique moisturiser. I’ve quite oily skin so it’s saved me from wrinkles, but I could definitely do with an eye cream if anyone has any recommendations?

I’ve moved to somewhere coastal, I’d love to pick up a water-based activity. Thanks for that idea @iCouldSleepForAYear!

@Futuristik My style is quite basic and plain. I just never feel very polished. I favour solid colours and don’t wear prints. I have a million plain black tops in various shapes, but I also wear grey, dark green and burgundy. Today, I’m wearing dark blue jeans and a brown oversized jumper with brown loafers. I mostly buy my clothes from Mango, Banana Republic, Fat Face. I just always manage to look thrown together and untidy!

@MrsHughesPinny heres a gorgeous website full of mostly unfussy, grown up clothes. Absolutely only for browsing - if you follow up most of the UK based designers you’ll find the clothes being sold for considerably less. But the styling is sometimes lovely and they continually feature new brands. Great for inspiration, even if you’re planning to spend much less.