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Original poster

Can’t stop spending

35 replies

sunnyliveshere · 19/10/2022 16:52

I am currently in the middle of a very bad retail therapy habit and just keep spending on clothes and shoes. Latest purchase is a new pair of trainers that I won’t even admit the cost of.
I am going through a difficult time so head to spending to make myself feel better. I am a relatively high earner, my husband is a high earner and we have a lot of savings so I always justify my spending but then I feel so guilty about splurging on clothes. My husband does not spend at all which makes me feel worse.
Argh, help, need some tactics to stop spending!

OP posts:
Ridingthegravytrain · 19/10/2022 16:59

Can't help you out but here in solidarity. I don't know what's come over me as I normally never spend. I think my mentality is I'm going to do it while I can still afford to!!! Fortunately most of my splurging happens in tk Maxx so not too expensive

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 19/10/2022 17:04

I'm similar actually but trying to get a lid on it.

Doesn't help that if I want to (don't need to) I can put it on credit card (do pay it off though). When I was younger (under 25) and with no credit card I didn't spend so much and I felt so much freer for it!

whatatanker · 19/10/2022 17:09

Right, here are some things you can do.

  1. Go through bank statements. I recently did this over a 12 month period and it helped me ‘face up’ to how much I spent on clothes. Shocked me into changing my habits.
  2. When you feel an urge to go shopping (and this is how it feels to me -like a desperate hole burning in my pocket), withdraw £50 and go to the charity shops. It’s honestly more fun than it sounds. It limits your splurge.
  3. Use a subscription service. I’m at the point now where I only use a Stitchfix monthly clothes box. Sometimes I really like a couple of items. You can write a note to your stylist if you need anything in particular.

If it makes you feel guilty, you are not feeling happy about it. Time for a change.

Also, I have a policy of giving a £ to charity for every £ I spend. This really helps to control my spending. Because £50 on a top isn’t much, but it help less fortunate people eat that month.

Fedupwitheveryone · 19/10/2022 17:20

change your phone settings to greyscale so everything shows in black and white (google how, it's easy) Then the clothes ads are in no way tempting. helps me lots

nzeire · 19/10/2022 17:24

I adore new shiny things :)

but, I recycle a lot, donate or sell a bunch of stuff every time I buy new things

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 19/10/2022 17:29

whatatanker · 19/10/2022 17:09

Right, here are some things you can do.

  1. Go through bank statements. I recently did this over a 12 month period and it helped me ‘face up’ to how much I spent on clothes. Shocked me into changing my habits.
  2. When you feel an urge to go shopping (and this is how it feels to me -like a desperate hole burning in my pocket), withdraw £50 and go to the charity shops. It’s honestly more fun than it sounds. It limits your splurge.
  3. Use a subscription service. I’m at the point now where I only use a Stitchfix monthly clothes box. Sometimes I really like a couple of items. You can write a note to your stylist if you need anything in particular.

If it makes you feel guilty, you are not feeling happy about it. Time for a change.

Also, I have a policy of giving a £ to charity for every £ I spend. This really helps to control my spending. Because £50 on a top isn’t much, but it help less fortunate people eat that month.

Agreed here with 1.

But I wouldn't spend £50 in charity shops and I don't need a Stitch fix or similar account either!

Giving money to charity for every £1 I spend might be a good idea.

I know why I spend - mostly boredom.

MuddyLuddy · 19/10/2022 17:34

I'm not going to tell you should stop or how to ( you have to work out what triggers you ) but I've been there and now no longer do it . Mine was triggered due to a close bereavement and it got so bad I was getting home and would realise I'd bought the exact same thing a few weeks prior yet had no memory of it , or I'd fixate on a certain thing , say a coat , buy one , then a week later see another one I like and buy that.
I one day came to the realisation that it was just nuts and thankfully eventually stopped.

Catlover6 · 19/10/2022 17:37

Put the item that you want in the basket, make a note of it.... and just leave it there.
At the end of a suitable time period look at your notes and carefully consider which item you want. Hopefully you'll find that you don't need everything that's caught your attention.
This way you get the fun of shopping.... but only limited expense.

DoodlePug · 19/10/2022 17:51

In the short term, just return them? Bet you're buying lots of 'nice' stuff you won't even be able to wear til Christmas.

But really, this is a symptom. You need to get some help with the real problem x

Original poster
sunnyliveshere · 19/10/2022 20:49

Thanks, some good tips here. In fairness to myself, the said trainers were in the basket for about a week before I cracked…!
But yesterday, I had that hole burning in my pocket feeling that @whatatanker mentioned and rushed into a shop and bought a t shirt without really thinking about it. T shirt was immediately worn so can’t even return it (although at least I do wear my stuff). However that’s the kind of spending I really need to curtail and I’ll definitely try to put some of the above tips in place.
i know what is triggering me - it won’t last forever. I also know I am fortunate enough to have disposable income to spend on clothes but I would like to be a little more responsible. Thanks again for the good tips!

OP posts:
MotherOfFireBreathers · 19/10/2022 20:54

How about selling on Vinted OP, and then buying 'new' things with your Vinted balance? Of course this only works if you've got some things you'd be happy to sell 😂 but I've got rid of loads of things I no longer wanted on there and have used the profits to buy things I wanted on there. Have bought some fantastic things second hand on there and it helps satisfy my shopping urges 😂

WinneyWasherWoman · 19/10/2022 21:01

I sell on Vinted and mostly shop on Vinted & in charity shops so that limits the damage

sandytooth · 19/10/2022 21:03

Put it in basket and leave it for a week before purchasing.

De link your card from your accounts and make PayPal set up so you have to log on each time.

There are you tube videos for make up I watch on low/no buys and one called you don't need that by Charlotte someone who explains exactly why it isn't needed. There might be someone like that for shoes.

TheOGCCL · 19/10/2022 21:23

Would setting an annual or monthly budget work? If you know you have x to spend it makes you slightly more discerning - if I buy that, I can’t have that. I agree tracking everything makes you more accountable. Also helps in looking back a few months later and seeing what was a really good purchase and what was effectively a mistake.

Bridetobe9 · 19/10/2022 21:25

Was going to suggest Vinted as well. Selling and buying. I often find things I wanted full price and as it takes so long to browse everything I find I have less time to look on ‘normal’ shops.

AdoraBell · 19/10/2022 21:27

Delete cards from all the websites.

As pp said take £50, or less, out and go to charity shop when you get the urge. Or go through your wardrobe and remind yourself you already this lovely item

Bridetobe9 · 19/10/2022 21:30

Yes or go through your wardrobe and make a list of things you actually need. Then shop for those guilt free.

Original poster
sunnyliveshere · 19/10/2022 21:51

I’ll have a look at vînted. I don’t live in the UK but visit a lot. Weak pound also hasn’t helped! I have a bag of nice things I don’t wear that I could probably sell so I’ll investigate. Also like @Bridetobe9 ’s suggestion. Thanks :)

OP posts:
Original poster
sunnyliveshere · 19/10/2022 21:53

ps some progress this evening as I had a couple of items in a shopping bag that I was about to buy for the sake of it but I closed the window and they have now gone. So feeling a bit better about the trainers…

OP posts:
UnicornsDoExist · 19/10/2022 23:26

I used to work with someone who would go out and buy really expensive clothes, homeware, whatever she fancied, then she returned it next day. Rinse and repeat! She just loved the thrill of buying!

ClaryFairchild · 20/10/2022 00:05

Honestly? You need to find something else to give you a hit/high. It's the shopping "rush" which is giving you problems.

Find another hobby. Something that occupies your hands and brain. It could be a craft hobby (can't shop and knit/crochet/cross-stitch). Could be exercise, and getting an adrenaline rush/endorphin high from that. Or setting yourself a savings goal for something really special (holiday, car, new bike) and having a specific bank account for the savings, and watching it grow.

Follow an investment guide - I've bought the Barefoot Investor and signed up to his emails and that's helped a lot. I'm getting a thrill watching my saving pots grow now.

Just watching tv isn't enough because you can shop and watch.

rhiannon1967 · 20/10/2022 07:20

How about putting all the clothes you do own into a shopping app. (This will give you something to do if you have a lot of stuff.)

This will also help you realise what you do have.

Then when you get the urge to browse online, instead you can go and have a play with the app and create new and different outfits. That way you get your fashion buzz but without looking at new stuff.

rhiannon1967 · 20/10/2022 07:20

I meant to say - wardrobe app!

KirstenBlest · 20/10/2022 07:35

I'm a sucker for charity shops but am getting better at leaving things there with a 'if it's still unsold the next time i'm here, i'll buy it then'. I went through a phase of buying things that even were not in my size.
I have a habit of buying several almost identical items on ebay, but I try to re-sell the spare ones.
The worst bit is not even bothering to open the parcels or finding things I don't remember buying.

devilinareddress · 20/10/2022 08:37

Yes! I've been doing the same. I feel stressed about the COL, and keep buying little things, just £20 - 30 at a time. But it makes me feel out of control. I'm not even sure I need them

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