Out of an abusive relationship. Weight up, self esteem down and feeling horrid

[thumbtacktrauma]

That's it really.
Feel horrendous.
Up a stone and a half since I met him.
A life of inactivity and junk for the last two and a half years.
Unfit, skin blotchy , time poor and self esteem in my boots.

I used to be a confident happy go lucky woman .. 48...loved style and make up.
I'm now fat , haggard and have lost my mojo. I want it back!

I've given up smoking and am vaping. I've given up midweek wine as a means to cope . I've started to walk a bit every day and have tried to eat a low fat diet full of fruit and veg. Upped the water.

It's early days but what can I do to boost my self esteem and style and personal appearance .
It means a lot to me despite it maybe being shallow.
Fake it I'll you make it ,
Thanks
Perhaps.

So sorry you’ve been through such a rough time, and your esteem is still battered from it. But bloody well done for recognising it and making changes. Every small step of change will build to a brighter future.

Bringing movement into your daily routine is a great first step. Start slowly and build up. Start by walking, parking car furthest point of car park, choosing to go up stairs etc. all these small changes will make a difference.

im not a great believer in going ‘low fat’. For me, I noticed the biggest change when I decided to eat clean. Low fat is offer super processed. So just try and eat foods that haven’t been tampered with so to speak. The difference you’ll see will be Amazing!

How about a new hair cut? Also, go buy yourself some new make up. Both of these won’t be affected by your weight changes as you get fitter. Then give yourself a goal just to feel healthier. Make sure you take time for sleep too.

all of the above will make you feel happier and healthier. In doing so, you’ll notice your weight change to a healthier level.

Don’t forget too…you’ve already come a long way..you’re turning your life around and that’s commendable. Don’t beat yourself up. You’ve done great and can keep going.

best of luck

Thank you!
When I said low fat I mean that I've cut fat out of my diet bar good sources of fat eg nuts/ fish/ hummus.
I eat minimal processed foods now but f it's a dairy I eat low fat version

I’d go for the full fat dairy tbh. It will give you energy without being changed in any way.

well done on making changes

Have you thought about HRT? My hair, skin and energy levels are all better since taking it.

On hrt ! Recently changed as wasn't absorbing from patches . Going well so far . Thanks

Is there anything that you like about yourself?

Well done for getting out btw!

I'm just doing a course that covered what can you do to body self esteem and these are:

Connect: have supportive relationships which make you feel you belong and where you can share experiences

Take notice: there is a lot in the world and the moment that is good and that we miss as we're wrapped up in regretting the past and writing about the present (mindfulness)

Be active: it will make you feel and look better and can get you meeting people.

Learn: it makes you feel better having new skills (and moving on), having a sense of purpose and again connecting with others.

Give: helping others again connects, gives a sense of purpose, makes you feel good and you forget about your own issues.

Fabulous list, thanks!
I will save this.
I like my height, my teeth, my hair and my body shape when not I toned and very overweight.
I like that I am thoughtful, generous, giving and kind. And sometimes funny.
I like that I am capable of rearing my children in my own, practically , emotionally and financially.
I like that I work full time with amazing
Colleagues in a senior management role and feel valued for that.
I like that I have lovely and few very close friends and am open to new experiences.
I like that I am out of a potentially escalating abusive situation where I was losing my sense of self , where my kids were seen as an irritant and where I was
Beginning to be controlled unknown to myself.
Yes there is much that I like but much that I don't like becoSe I allowed myself to be treated with disdain, control and silence at times.
I gave far too much than I received and he left me empty and drained .

I did Couch to 5k, it has changed how I feel about myself immeasurably. I’ve also lost weight and toned up as a bonus!

If you can afford it, invest in a couple of lovely clothing items or a great pair of everyday shoes/boots.

First off, congratulations on getting away from an abuser. You’re amazing.
Things that help me.
Get into a skincare routine, it doesn’t have to cost a fortune, nor does it have to be overly complicated.
Keep your nails looking good, again it can be DIY, I have to keep my nails short for work and can’t wear polish/gel, but when I’m not working I treat myself to a home manicure with polish that I can remove easily.
Invest in a new hair style, I had a drastic hair cut last month (she took off about 8 inches off the length and put loads of layers through), and it’s made such a difference to my confidence.
I rarely wear makeup, but I love my tinted serum (I use Rose Inc) and a bit of mascara, if I don’t wear any my colleagues ask if I’m tired.
Oh, and enjoy having the bed to yourself and getting a good nights sleep.