Look 'good' or fashionable at 35....

[35andfashionhomeless]

Do you think you notice more if someone just looks 'good' and well put together vs if they look 'fashionable'. You could look great, wearing colours and shapes that suit you but not fashionable. (E.g I look great in skinny jeans but let's not start that debate....).

I'm 35 and feeling like I hate the current trends and would probably look a bit daft trying them. Dh tells me I look best wearing stuff that suits me but I can't help feeling I'm gravitating to the trends of my 20s which I loved and did suit me but are definitely dated now! Equally, a really 'classic' style, which I do like, could potentially look a bit ageing? Too smart can look aging but my too casual looks a bit try-hard.

I know age is just a number and I am not being ageist, just feel like I have no style 'home'! I'm not sure what I'm asking, just keen to know if anyone else feels like this!

Which current trends do you hate?

I have ditched my skinny jeans now for ‘mom’ jeans, for example. I wasn’t convinced but bought a cheap pair in Asda and I bloody love them. I’ve since bought two pairs from River Island and would never go back now. Haven’t worked out what to wear them with in winter yet. Dresses and trainers are my other favourite thing. Purely for practical reasons, it makes it so much easier to chase after the kids. And just so comfy. I haven’t worn flats for ages now.

Maybe try stuff you haven’t tried before? What’s the worst that could happen? You don’t like it and don’t buy it!

I think I do notice peoples style and think oh that looks good maybe I could try that. But I mainly mix with mums in the playground, some do look really well put together.

Never brought into the cold shoulder look though, always thought that was hideous.

Thanks @BestCatMumEver .

I do have mom and straight legs and wear them but if I put my skinnies on, I feel so much more like me and think they flatter my figure more.

I'm sorry to say (no offence to you or 90% of the female population) but I hate dresses with trainers. I hate chunky footwear of any variety - boots and especially loafers. I love chelsea boots and was happy to see the return of ballet flats. I just think the chunky-ness looks stupid. Footwear is a big area of looking 'dated' for me. I love the trend for frilly blouses and midi dresses though. Oversized stuff looks awful on me as I'm tall and skinny so either look HUGE or - as my friend once put it - a starving orphan. The beige/neutral trend looks make me look like I've been dug up. And obviously the teen trend for crop tops and leggings/joggers is a no go!

I actually noticed three older women today in skinny jeans with big scarves and thought they looked fantastic. I think style is different to fashion though.

What do you wear with Chelsea boots? Dated (to me) is wearing them with bootcut jeans.

I feel like with ballet flats now I might as well be walking on the ground, but that’s all just personal choice I guess. My DMs are my other favourite in winter with tights and dresses but you might see those as too chunky too.

Have you looked at Instagram for inspiration or the what are you wearing thread on here?

Starving orphan. That made me laugh.🤣

Agree style is different to fashion, I just stick to my own style and clothes that I feel and look good in. I hate dress with trainers it’s so ubiquitous now and mom jeans on me just make me look like one of the Waltons.

It can be very hard to be stylish (on trend) and not look silly at any age.

One of my colleagues (young and guessing in early to mid 20s) wore these trousers yesterday, however she's slim. She said she thought it would be too much if she wore the matching jacket (which she didn't get) - I said no.

www.zara.com/uk/en/cropped-trousers-p02753891.html?v1=178987938&v2=2113788

I often find that being older (but looking mid 30s) I have to be bold e.g. to wear a bright pink jacket/blazer and style it correctly or I'd feel I was wearing e.g. a highlighter pen (joke!).

If you love your skinny jeans and Chelsea boots and frilled shirts that's a great place to start. See my other thread for 'what do you think you can't pull off' (think that's right title). Certain jumpers like e.g. Bella Freud I sort of can wear but I'm not 100% sure.

I can't stand oversized clothes only because I prefer more fitted clothes. I can't wear cropped tshirts (think I can now as I've lost weight) really but only because I don't have the sass/swagger as I did as a teenager/20s when cropped tshirts and jumpers were on trend then, as well as cargo pants/trousers.

I wear my chelsea boots with tights and a dress. Or skinny jeans when it's cold. I suppose I could wear then with my straight jeans but it looks 'off' to me.

I would say I don't look dated in what I wear but I am longing to wear things that would look dated if you see what I mean. I probably wear too much black and grey which makes everything feel dull. I don't have anything in my wardrobe that makes me feel great and excited to wear it anymore! I think I do need more fitted clothes too which are not really on trend....

These looks to me are autumn perfection....but they're from a few years ago

Agree with pp that style is different to fashion. I try and stick to looking 'put together' and stylish as opposed to fashionable. And finding clothes you feel comfortable in as well as comfortable in I always think is really important.

That said, most days I end up grabbing up anything that's clean and still fits

I think fashion has gone particularly weird since just before covid and I struggle to find any new fashions that suit me - oversized dresses, trainers/flat footwear, even the colours lately are so yuck - mustards and olive greens and oranges and yellows etc don’t suit me at all.

Much better to go with what suits your body shape IMO. You’ll look more timeless and put together if you go with what suits you. I like Justine Leconte on YouTube and that kind of fashion advice that’s all about what flatters you and what’s classic/timeless.

love your autumn pics - perfect.

I totally get what you mean about feeling like you don't have a fashion "home" - like, no anchoring style to base everything off right now.

My 30s have been a period of exploring what I like to wear, with lots of misfires along the way, but now I've settled into a groove that really works for me, suits my personality, body shape, overall vibe, lifestyle, etc.

I always think people look their best when they just find a style they feel 100% themselves and comfortable in. Certain things are timeless and I feel like each thing can be "tweaked" to modernise it also. For instance, leggings or cigarette pants instead of skinny jeans. But quite frankly, if skinny jeans flatter you and you love them, wear them!

I feel like the first of the two looks you posted is timeless? Something about the monochrome thing just works, IMO? Also, Chelsea boots are awesome and I don't see them as out of date at all.

Its interesting you say you have other jean shapes but feel most at home in the skinnies. My eye gets influenced by fashion and by what others are wearing around me so that eventually the thing I thought looked nice (eg skinnies) starts to look dated. If you are less impressionable you may be looking for problems where there are none!

I think some people have a natural ability to pick up or even set fashion trends. They don’t necessarily look neat or slim or elegant. It depends on what you’re aiming for really.

Its a bit of a cliche but I like to do a nod to fashion, so at the moment not true skinnies but something more relaxed that channels the mom jeans vibe. Or a slightly looser jumper, or tucking things in. Doesn’t take much to make a few tweaks and stops you getting in the rut so many seem to by their 40s.

Hmm yes that's true, I'm not very impressionable so if I hate something, I won't come round to it even if everyone is wearing it. I also do have a thing about clichés....like if something looks very instragram-mum I feel a bit silly in it. Maybe I just the confidence to wear what I like but also not play it so safe it ends up boring!

But both these photos have oversized jumpers / cardigans?

I think it's about picking which bits of fashion you like and suit you (both body shape and personality), whilst keeping other bits as "your staples" eg for you that is skinny jeans, but the fashionable oversized look is for the top of your body.

I have tiny feet, so the clumpy shoe look is great for me. I'm also really suit high waisted wide leg trousers, so wear those. But my boobs and hips mean oversized jumpers are a big nono, so I stick to "classic" fitted scoop neck tshirts and crew neck jumpers with them

Though I have to say, I was in town the other day and saw loads of young people in skinnies. Admittedly with those awful, huge trainers but still....

@MaJoady yes, I guess by oversize I mean the Cos look. Huge dresses etc. V scandi.

I'm 37 and your post struck a chord with me. I also look good in skinnies and flat boots. Used to live in short dresses, tights & boots. Had a good 10y in the fashion wilderness where I clearly aged out of short dresses/ early 20s fashion and couldn't find my mojo. It is upsetting because I used to have such a 'look' but it doesn't work any more.

I am currently wearing denim dungarees (semi-baggy & cuffed) with really fitted tops underneath. Summer I wear converse low tops and Teva sandals, maxi dresses. Winter - who knows.

I wear a smart casual look in the week even though I don't love it, just to have a uniform. Here I focus on the colour palette, and that I don't 'hate' any of the items. Putting much more effort into grooming while I try to build my true wardrobe (never ending saga).

I find I keep on having to change my fashion home

in the 90s (my 20s) it was Next and Jigsaw and M&S and I liked to classic styles
in the 00’s m liked Massimo Dutti and French Connection and some independent small boutique stuff
in the 10s I loved Mint Velvet and most of all Hush
Now I have started to go boho, in my 50s with Forgotten Tribes and Free People

my tastes never coincided with fashion.

so my advice is to just wear what you like but mix it up a bit every now and then try new things

you can get a bit “stale” I think if you always wear the same style

just have fun and pick what you love

Some topical reading here: www.telegraph.co.uk/fashion/style/right-way-upgrade-wardrobe-autumn-40s-50s-60s-beyond (I believe you can read one free article without subscribing)