I've given up on myself. How do I turn this around ?

[Thefroglover]

I WFH. Most mornings I don't even wash (but I bath every night). I don't wear any of my jewellery. I live in an old Summer dress which will expand as I do. I've put on 2 stone from lockdown.

I want to be glamorous and stylish. My wardrobe is about 10 years old, due to my shape and fussiness I find it hard to find clothes that fit and which I like. Due to this, I rarely buy anything.

I've let myself go and need to turn this around. But at the same time I think what's the point of making an effort when I'm only at home day in, day out working.

Have you always wfh or is it just since Covid?

Is there an office you can attend maybe once a week?

Do you live alone?

I only wfh during the two main lockdowns. First time I stuck to my usual morning routine: hair, make up, work clothes. It made me feel more "professional" and normal (I found wfh very discimbobulating). Second time was winter so it was more about keeping warm but I still did hair and make up etc. Might any of that help?

I think this is one of the dangers from working at home is this low-level depression.

do you do any exercise ? even brisk walk round the block with the dog while the weather isn’t too bad would get your endorphins pumping help to move some of that 2 stone which can’t be doing your self-esteem any good and help to get you out of this slump.

I agree with pp that you sound a wee bit depressed. I’d never worked from home before the first lockdown, so I found it really odd, and making sure I was showered/hair/makeup etc helped maintain some sort of “normal”. I’m on camera a lot which is a good motivator though!

Could you start with small steps? A morning shower, some earrings and perfume - a quick walk to the shops for a nice sandwich at lunch to get you out?

This is why wfh doesn't suit some people (like me)! Do you have the option for office working once or twice a week?

Start with a low impact 10 min aerobic session on youtube.

Nail polish
Nice shampoo / dye

Download Vinted & buy a bargain "new dress"

You need one walk a day outside!! 6000 steps should be daily minimum then work up to 10,000 a day (including 10 min workout,!). Walking around shops / supermarket is a very quick way to increase steps

Ok 1st Jan having WFH for 2 years pre and 2 years of covid I made a decision that every working day I would:

• shower every morning / dry & style hair


• put on light make up & earrings


• wear Proper clothes (wool/jersey dresses and tights usually/summer wrap dresses or shorts & nice tops)

it has made the most enormous difference to my mindset. i was definitely depressed. Now passing a mirror I feel like a person not a blob of meh.

Also since April I rent an desk in an office space and go 3 times a week min. Already in habit of proper dressing, so is just 10 mins commute and I get to pop into places/shops etc and be part of every day life interactions again. Could never ever go back to how I was - PJs to day loungewear to laptop and nothing else.

Small steps. Literally and metaphorically. Before work, while it's still summer, go for a walk - even just round the block. Do the same at the end of the day. At least once a week go somewhere where you have to talk to people, even just a café. Put on the nicest clothes that still fit, some jewellery and perfume.
Wfh sounds great, but genuinely has been negative for so many people.

I’m sorry that you feel
this way. I have/sometimes do, feel this way myself.

I agree with PP, in that you do sound depressed. Maybe make an appointment with your GP to start with, for a chat? if I were you, I’d then go about making a little change every day/week so that I wasn’t overwhelmed. So, for example, first change would be showering night and morning. Do that for a week. Next change, wash hair every other day in addition to the showering. Third change could be to wear something different everyday, etc.

Seeing your GP should be top
of your list tho. You don’t know you’re depressed/how depressed you are, when you’re caught up in it

<hug>

I currently do a mix of home working, going into work and travelling for work.

During the lockdowns, l used to put makeup on every morning as if l was going in.

Every Friday lunchtime l would go for my “posh frock walk”. I would get dressed up and go for a walk by myself. When l got back l felt better for it.

OP, if you have the budget, why not treat yourself to a few nice new things?

OP I'm sorry you feel like you do.

I had a very low point a few years ago, it was my birthday the next day and I didn't want to do anything or go out and I couldn't see the point in making any effort. I literally forced myself to paint my nails and pluck my eyebrows so I didn't disappoint DH who had booked a lunch for us.

And actually it had a micro cheering up effect. And the next day I still felt down, but a little bit less down as my nails looked tidy and when I passed the mirror my face didn't look as crap as it had the day before.

Since then when I feel low I do something that I will notice that maybe no one else will, but will make me feel a teeny tiny bit better.

I now own a LOT of nail varnish!

Good luck op. Once you can have some micro cheers, you might find you want to have some macro cheers like weight loss or new clothes.

I'm a SAHM and I had to change my perspective on clothes.

I was falling back on uni wear: tshirts and jeans and not much else 😜 but now I wear nicer tops, even if they're an embellished tshirt. And got some chinos as well, quite practical. And regarding jewellery, my go to are earrings. Not massive not tiny. In between (size of nail?) drop earrings tend to be my thing. I just pick the ones that match outfit of the day

Thanks for all the replies. I can relate to everything said. I cant reply to everyone, individually but wanted to highlight @Dogsgottabone's post and the comment about the birthday. This is exactly how I feel. However, I've started today by getting up earlier than usual, something I have been wanting to do for months but not managed it. I feel an achievement just for that. I usually just drag myself out of bed, bleary eyed with just about enough time to get the DC ready for school/log on for work in time when there is no school. Last night I went to sleep a lot earlier than usual. Today I was up at 6.30am. I got a few essential jobs done, brushed my teeth, got dressed (and not the old shabby dress I referred to in my original post !) , popped to the shop and then started working at 7.45am. I feel so much better. Last night I did my toe nails, old chipped polish off (it had been on for weeks) cut nails and new polish on. I also filed my finger nails too. I recall an old friend once said to me that she looks at the state of people's nails to judge how well they look after themselves. This has always stuck with me (she wasn't referring to me at the time, just a general comment made in passing by her). I would love to have gel nails but I cant afford this all the time and instead save the cost of gels for special occasions.
I do think I am depressed. I spoke to the GP who referred me to the 'wellness' team and I have sessions booked with the team. I need to concentrate on self care. During lockdown I often went for up to 4 weeks without washing my hair. I go to the local town/shopping without a care about what I look like.
I'm dreading winter and what I will wear, at the moment only my leggings will fit me. And I don't want to live in shapeless leggings. My healthy eating starts today. I was in agony all weekend from the crap I had eaten (IBS). I can and will lose 2 stone for xmas.
I've seen a bag I might treat myself too. Its £130, which is £££££ for me but I deserve a treat.

@Thefroglover yay well done! I am so happy that you started today so well.

It's funny but I think I look at people's nails too, though hadn't noticed until you highlighted it in your post.

The fresh air you got from walking to the shop will have done you so much good. And every time you type something, look at your nails and have a little smile.

If nothing else, there are a bunch of strangers tapping at their phones at their kitchen tables and desks who are rooting for you today. To feel a little bit better and to end the day feeling a little bit more in control.

Try another early night tonight - maybe ten mins of a stretch video before you get into bed or just some cat/cow breathing and then child's pose to stretch out your back.

I love the sound of the handbag too, we all need a treat to look forward to.

Just as an aside for a cheap treat, I bought a dry body brush from Tiger after seeing it on here. I rub my bum, top of thighs and arms every day. And now they are all smooth and not bumpy so when I put moisturiser on it feels silky.

Brush cost £1.50 I think. Plus tub of cheap moisturiser from pound shop etc. And you have a spa treatment for pennies.

Keep going OP i will be rooting for you today.

You've made such a good start.

The healthy eating will help enormously I'm sure. I don't have the added problem of IBS but when I can't be bothered shopping I end up eating a lot of rubbish and feel stodgy and down.

Don't worry about winter. You have time. Hope you can keep up the momentum.

Keep going frog lover! One day at a time. All the little things will help, a small treat each week makes me feel good. Nail polish, flowers, magazine. Be good to yourself, you're worth it. 🌻

Show us the bag @Thefroglover !!! That sounds like a lovely treat!

Well done you for making a start @Thefroglover - sounds great! Sometimes even a small change to a routine can make a big difference, esp in the morning.

this is the bag, would welcome thoughts on it.

www.tedbaker.com/uk/p/Womens/Accessories/Bags/DARCELO-Branded-Webbing-Camera-Bag-White/260463-WHITE?cmpid=ppc~google~PLA~shopping_brand_uk_en_ww_main_site_high_margin~138446687245~260463-WHITE-O%2FS~na~na~UK&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI39mKiIfa-QIVV-vtCh0rkA-iEAQYBiABEgJi7vD_BwE

Hi, op. I can relate to putting on two stone and wondering how to get rid of it.
my take on this is to create a small calorie deficit over a long period. So, first: decent length walk each day, if weather grotty, use an excercise bike and cycle while watching a tV programme you like. Second: eat more protein. I like proteinworks protein powder stirred into oats for breakfast, eat with fresh fruit. Eggs and tuna for sandwiches. Lurpak lightest butter to cut a few calories, fibre one bars instead of a cake, for a treat. Create a small calorie deficit, and eat more protein., and walk or cycle each day. Not stressful, manageable, achievable goals. If you start this now you’ll feel healthier and … dare I say it, more streamlined by Christmas.

Really really like the bag!

Have a shower every morning. If you can bear it, turn the water to cold at the very end. Takes a bit of practice.

Do you have the option to go into the office a couple of times a week, or is it home working only? If you can, go in. If you can't, start dressing as though you were going to the office.

Try to do something nice for your appearance every day. Nails one day, face mask the next, then maybe a hair mask or a body scrub. You don't need to spend a lot of money. You could make your own body scrub with coconut oil and brown sugar, and use it in the bath one night.

If you haven't had your hair cut for a while, get it done in a style you can maintain without too much effort. If necessary, invest in a styling tool to help you. I have the Revlon one step styling brush which helps me to blow dry my thick wavy hair more or less as the hairdresser does it.

In terms of your weight, start making one small change at a time. Cutting out sugar in drinks is an easy place to start if you drink soft drinks or take sugar in your tea or coffee. Up your water intake. If you drink too much alcohol, maybe allow yourself a certain number of drinks per week and don't exceed it. Once you've made one small change, identify the next thing you can improve. What are your main triggers? Do you eat biscuits all day because you work from home? If so, tackle that. Small incremental changes are easier to maintain than deciding to completely change your diet and lifestyle overnight and then feeling depressed when you fail.

Try to go for a walk outside every lunchtime.

These little things all add up.

Thanks for all the continued replies. I really appreciate the time you have all taken to reply. You have all given me lots of good and useful advice. One thing that occurred to me was how on earth do people find the time to get ready every morning ? For me to get 'day' ready - as in wash/shower, teeth, do my hair to a decent/OK standard & put makeup on - would take me around 30-40 mins each morning. I look at a friend of mine who is always nicely turned out and who is out from around 7am each the morning, she must be getting up around 6-6.16am just to get ready.
As an aside, I remember a neighbour seeing me a few months ago outside my house, I was going out for the eve and waiting for a friend to pick me up. My neighbour seem quite stunned that I actually looked quite decent when dolled up. She made a lovely comment. She usually only ever seems me looking like a hobo most of the time lol

A lot depends on what kind of skin and hair you have.

I am lucky in that I have fairly good skin which looks OK as long as I maintain a basic routine. That means that I can get away without wearing makeup as long as I'm not actually going anywhere. And when I do go into the office or something, I usually just rub a bit of foundation into my skin, brush some powder over the top to take off any shine, and put a bit of mascara on. Obviously if you have any major skin issues such as acne, you may feel that a longer makeup routine is necessary. But I think for most people, as long as you cleanse and moisturise each day, going without or with minimal makeup is fine. I only ever spend a long time on my makeup if I'm going to a wedding or somewhere.

Hair-wise, mine is thick and wavy, and I've found that by blow drying it and using minimal products, I can easily go three days between washes, especially if the third day is one where I'm just working from home or something. So say I wash and blow dry my hair on Monday morning, it's fine through Monday, Tuesday and usually Wednesday too. Dry shampoo is great for getting an extra day out of it. I use a very gentle shampoo and conditioner without any silicone in it. This means that it gets clean without stripping out all the natural oils, and moisturised without putting loads of gunk back in which will make it get greasy again quickly. Faith in Nature is a great brand with no nasties in it. When I wash my hair I really massage my scalp thoroughly to get all the dirt and dead skin off, and make sure I properly wash all the shampoo and conditioner out. I don't use any products at all when I blow dry it. I find this minimal routine and being strict about not washing it more than every other day, ideally every three days, helps cut down on how often I need to wash, dry and style it, which is what takes the most time, as well as keeping my hair and scalp in better condition.

That was quite long winded, but what I mean to say is that when it comes to hair and skin, often I find that having a very basic routine and not doing more than necessary is good both in terms of your skin and hair health, and in terms of your routine not being too time consuming. Low maintenance.

The other thing I forgot to mention is take a decent multivitamin. Prenatal ones are good. They help keep you healthy inside but also improve your skin, hair and nails.

I don't think 30 minutes to get yourself ready in the morning is unreasonable?

You can however just focus on one thing or the other sometimes eg if you wash/style your hair maybe you don't bother with make up that day. Or if you washed/styled your hair the day before it probably will look fine, or you can pull in back, but maybe stick a bit of mascara and blusher on. That should shave off some time.

Strikes me that maybe you need therapy to help address why you're feeling so low in the first place 💗

Oh sorry I see you have sessions booked re depression, well done you

OP, I'm a morning person. I have been since I did a morning paper round 7days a week when I was 13 in 1991!

I just automatically wake up. On holiday, weekends. I sense that the morning is here and push my eyes open.

I walk the dogs in the summer at 4.45 so I'm back for getting kids up at 6. Once I can trust they are up and not ignoring me, I either do a quick 20 min workout or get ready straight away. I can shower, wash hair, dry hair and makeup in 25 mins.

Could you try getting up a bit earlier? going to bed earlier is such a help. I'm usually in bed by 9pm, I would go at 8 if there weren't jobs to do every night.

I should add I'm not the most groomed person around, but I don't look out of place in an office. I wear whistles or cos dresses that I buy off ebay and vinted because I know what style and sizes suit me. On the weekends it's black sports leggings, nice trainers and a decent jumper to do errands etc.

So on the basis that I have clothes that don't look too old, not tatty, fit me OK and my hair and make up are OK, I feel half decent. I think buying clothes second hand is fine if you make sure that they are not too old. One way I do this is to keep an eye on each seasons dresses in the shops I like so I can pick up the ones I couldn't afford full price when they hit ebay usually about 18months later. So still current, but not dated.