Fugly menopausal rut

[Zedcarz]

Hi, I am really stuck in a health and beauty rut which has worsened over the lockdown period with masses of stress culminating in a breakdown.
I've put on masses of weight , frazzled fried hair, awful skin, cracked heels which actually cause pain along with visible dental issues which make me v self conscious.
I'm tired all the time, I have ADHD and experiencing brain fog, memory loss, headaches, weight gain, I'm emotional all the time and l have anxiety and a physical disabilty which really affectz my daily life. I'm sick from work, as advised by various health professionals including the occupational health department but it's making my anxiety worse especially when I feel that managers are disillusioned with me

Im On hrt, I have the coil and sandrena gel
I feel stressed. I just can't settle.

I have on and off battled suicidal thoughts.
ADHD meds gave me back my life at first but started to have terrifying palpitations so have changed drugs and back to absolute fatigue again
some days I just can't carry on,
My kids really need me as they have extra needs and I have a hell of a job supporting them on top of my exhaustion and along with other family stuff I am absolutely my last priority.

i have always made an effort with my appearance, been healthy , exercise, eat well etc but as my condition has progressed and all the other stressors, I've not looked after my health or physical appearance and now I look in the mirror or at photos, i don't feel like me anymore.
i have basically hit rock bottom.
even with the ADHD meds killing my appetite I didn't lose one ounce, I presume this is partly because of the menopause and because of how difficult I find exercise now.

i was referred to a dietitian but she was really unhelpful and rude because I couldn't achieve my goals and had to sign me off the program.
the goals were just too hard on top of everything else
my diet is cack because I just turn to easy quick snacks or kids leftovers

my hair has lost its vitality and I seem to have aged ten years over a two year period.
I don't have money for aesthetic treatment and even if I did use fillers I'd never afford to maintain it.

Due to my weight gain my pain is worse. I have bought 'interim' bigger clothes because I don't fit in my old clothes but don't want to invest in this increased size because I can't physically hold the extra weight let alone mentally stomach it (excuse the pun)
My hanging tummy hurts my back unless i wear medical girdle type things but they look shit and bulky under clothes and just make me feel even wider and lumpier

I'm completely single and can't imagine anyone ever finding me attractive again.

I have a haircut booked and have resigned myself to having much shorter hair just because I can't physically manage to wash and brush it regularly and it matts and knots.
I've always had lovely hair now I can't keep on top of the greys, but growing it out makes me feel even more ugly and old and invisible

At the end of the day I'm so shattered and the last thing I feel like doing is 'pampering' myself.
Some weeks I barely wash my body let alone my hair!

I don't have loads of money but how can I make some fast, lowish cost and easy changes which will help me to feel more like a woman again?

You sound like me - ADHD, menopausal, chronic illness.

But I also have thyroid disease. Are you sure you are not hypothyroid? ADHD should not make you that exhausted (it can make you tired but this sounds like more than that) and it sounds like the HRT is not helping with that either (do you need more? A different dose?). And it's very odd that you didn't lose any weight at all when on ADHD meds.

The other thing I'd want checked are my vitamin levels. Ferritin, vit d, folate and b12 are the key ones.

What's been done/checked by the GP so far?

Just to add that when I am in the throes of hypothyroidism there is no way I am doing anything other that the minimum to get through the day. Everything else goes out the window. You also have very little control over your body which seems to be failing you left right and Centre as you pile on weight, unable to exercise. I coped with it by stopping worrying about it as there was very little I could do.

I focussed on the key stuff, washing at least once a day, cleaning teeth thoroughly at least once a day. Going to work as much as I could. I couldn't manage anything else.

So I think before you start thinking about appearance stuff,"I'd focus on trying to get to the bottom of your health issues (as once you have energy and more control over your weight and symptoms, you'll want to do the appearance "pampering" stuff), and just focus on trying to do the basics.

I found a bath helped, just sit and do everything in there sat down.

One thing I did do appearance wise I've just remembered, was making sure I had clothes that actually fit me as I gained weight. Nothing worse than feeling awful about yourself and then squeezing into too tight clothes. That did help a bit actually.

I would also try to book in with a dentist and get any issues there sorted asap so they don't get worse. And try to keep on top of the cleans and check ups (I make my appointments as I leave the previous one, then put it straight in my phone calendar with three reminders/alarms set so I don't forget.

I really hope some of this helps. I I've been there and really sympathise. It's a horrible feeling 💐💐💐💐

Thanks so much, I'll properly absorb this in the morning, thanks for understanding and sharing.
I was told my thyroid was struggling but they never pursued it and that it was neglible.
I've had loads of blood tests and loads of 'borderline' results. Some Drs treat it like it's important and needs work then the next one will say it's nothing worth worrying about.
Because I have so much going on and my kids do too (hereditary conditions) it's very hard to get them to focus on or follow up anything.
I'm very much treated as a hypochondriac and makes it really hard for me to effectively ask for follow up on the bloods etc
It's thoroughly depressing.
I'm not myself and have been consistently like this for a couple of years.
My illnesses do incorporate fatigue but not to this level consistently for so long before!
I periodically take supplements but even that is a huge effort for me so is intermittent and I doubt it has much impact while I'm like this!

Sorry you're feeling like this. I can relate to much of it.

I would suggest you start with self respect and self care. Eat your veggies, go for a walk every day (or yoga or whatever else makes you feel good), make sure you have relaxing/me time and are getting good sleep.

These are the things that are the core of your health and wellbeing. You can worry about appearance later!

The Dr who set up my hrt retired and nobody in the surgery is prepared to look at it so it hasn't changed in six or seven years!
I have been turned down many times, when they checked my vit levels said all is fine!
I feel very trapped in this situation

Ummmm you can be very ill with so-called borderline results. I was unwell for many months before my bloods were in the right place to get a diagnosis.

When was your thyroid last checked?

If it was recent then request the blood test results (with ranges) from your GP practice. Don't be fobbed off they are your data and you are entitled to them. If you have online access you should be able to get them from there.

Alternatively, if you can afford it, I would get a private blood test done including your TSH, FT4, FT3, thyroid antibodies, vit d, b12, folate and ferritin. This is ideal really as your GP is unlikely to have checked all of this and you can't rule out all thyroid diseases without them. You can get this done for about £80 to £100. I have used Medichecks, Blue Horizon and Thriva in the past and they are all fine.

In future get any thyroid bloods done first thing in the morning and fasting (whether at home or at the GP). Early morning is when your TSH is highest. Do not take any supplements containing biotin for at least 5-7 days prior to the blood test as it can cause incorrect results.

Once you have them post the results in the Thyroid U.K. forum on Health Unlocked. You'll get lots of great advice on there.

What are your other health issues? Any autoimmune diseases?

Unfortunately thyroid disease is often missed/misdiagnosed or poorly treated.

I could have written this op. You have lots of empathy from me and I’m following with (selfish) interest. I hope things start getting better 💐

I completely agree with what inattentiveADHD said.

• if your thyroid was struggling it could well be the cause of all this. You need it checked asap and if it’s still borderline it still needs treating.

• same with iron, I felt so unwell and was still in the nhs heathy range but the low end.

• ADHDers are sooo affected by hormones so your HRT needs sorting out, sounds like you need more and maybe adding in testosterone. Can you keep a diary on your phone so the dr can see how much you are struggling?

• Adhd meds don’t work unless you have enough hormones so really worth pursuing and maybe following up trying new meds. Sometimes the heart palpitations go after a couple of months

while you are in survival mode don’t beat yourself up. You are doing the best you can. Automate everything. Bills, food shop (from Amazon), reminders on your phone for everything. Try and get some healthy food in you (soup or microwave veg is an easy way) and a proper vitamin also omega oils

good luck. Xx

p.s. The audiobook how to keep a house while drowning would be perfect for you now. It’s got easy practical advise

@Funnyname00 great post.

Was going to say the same about the HRT. Go back and ask to have a blood test it may be the addition of testosterone is what you need. But they will check your hormone levels and hopefully consider that in the context of your ADHD meds.

Vitamin D in the morning and Magnesium at night. If you can afford a good Magnesium do it, it really helps.

I agree you need to start simple on the self care. Cut down on sugar and carbs and try to add something in you love doing (a walk, a bath etc)

My DD13 has ADHD and I do completely empathise, and I went through menopause hell last year.

I'm so sorry it's so tough for you at the moment.

This was me, too. Thyroid function was limping on but my Dr said the results I was getting showed it was about to collapse so put me on thyroxine. I also had incredibly low folic acid levels, caused by epilepsy meds. Getting those sorted really helped, but it took a good few months. Go back to your Doctor. Thyroid blood results don't tell the full story, your symptoms are screaming that you need help.

Thank you so much everyone for all your replies and helpful information, I have only just seen them now for some reason!
I will ask gp about follow up for thyroid and take it from there, thank
With to the poster who asked about autoimmune conditions, I have ehlers danlos syndrome which seems to affect absolutely everything too so very hard to work out what's driving what If that makes sense?!

I'm completely insomniac at them omens which doesn't help in terms of food etc, have twitchy eye thing going on.
Have been signed off work a while but has not been a complete break due to kids off school!

I've just called the surgery to request blood test follow uo, will be telephone appt in 3 weeks, thank you for spurring me on 😊

Sorry , me again!
I try to take supplements regularly but am not great at it.
I'm sure I'm deficient in quite a lot of vets and minerals.
When I had deficiency tests done previously the gp said I had some of the healthiest blood he's seen (before things went really downhill)
I was still completely shattered at the time but vits regimen was better (pre covid)
I am trying to take them up again but will my results be skewed if I'm already adding in the missing vits?
I don't know whether to keep taking them now I've just restarted or wait until after the bloods?

Can't help with your health issues but this site seems to have clothes that are cut to flatter big bellies !
liveunlimitedlondon.com/products/mono-paisley-three-quarter-sleeve-swing-jersey-shirt-dress?variant=40280296325180
I have a few of their dresses which are good quality and really easy to wear, I just fling them on with trainers or flipflops, or DMs in winter.

ADHD is exacerbated a lot by normal shifts- puberty, pregnancy, peri meno etc. I really hope you get to the bottom of it OP. I was going to suggest some nice soft slippers or something to wear around the house so you feel cosy and cared for with your sore feet. Stay away from thin soled shoes and flip flops. It will improve. Take care.

Thank you, I forgot I bought some 'good ' slippers ages ago. My memory is shocking, I got the time wrong for a really important appointment this morning.
I have managed to brush my teeth today!
I had my hair cut last week, good cut, hairdresser knows me well and understands the brief! very pleased with it and will make life easier.
Have booked dentist for ongoing issues plus test this week for contact lenses and hopefully new glasses too, my general appearance has taken a battering, I want to get back on it despite the exhaustion and pain.
Also got rid of a few more unsuitable clothes today, summer wardrobe is next for the cull!

Hi OP, I’ve found an inexpensive way to feel a bit cheerful and treat myself is to buy a pair of earrings. You can get lost on Etsy looking at all the lovely designs. Best of luck! 💐

Hi op, seems like you have had some great advice and I am following as I have just been diagnosed with under active thyroid.

I can’t add much, but one thing I can suggest is Flexitol heel balm for your feet. Put it on at night, then wear some socks, and in the morning your feet will feel so much better. Every night for a week will make a huge difference, and if you keep it up it won’t come back. If you can also manage it, you can scrub your feet once or twice a week in the bath with notherscrubber.com which will improve them even more.

hope you feel better soon

I love earrings! Thank you, lately I'm finding even the earrings I love hurt my ears so haven't been wearing . Might be time to look at dome more subtle styles 🙈

Hmm thank you have not heard of this scrubber but I will try with the foot cream!