How do people afford to 'fix' themselves?

[KevinTheKoala]

I live in an area of the country where almost everyone seems to have cosmetic procedures and treatments, I have no idea how they afford it - they can't all be millionaires! I am ugly, there is no getting around that there are so many things I would like to fix (my hair, my nose, my lips, my skin, my boobs, my weight, my teeth etc.) some of those things I can try to get around - I am going to start dieting and exercising, I can try fake tan but I'm awful at it and I burn at the mere mention of actual sun, I'm trying to improve my skincare but you can't fix acne scars without surgery but for the most part I need help. I know that certain things are my own fault (my teeth have been neglected due to a severe phobia of dentists, my hair is quite damaged due to being neglected through bouts of depression but it's also just extremely thin) but a lot is just bad luck. My sister used to joke that I was like Danny Devitos character in twins - I got all the bad bits.

Am I missing a trick, is there some way that people in average jobs are affording these procedures? I know I am unattractive and I don't think I will ever be stunning, but I feel physically ill when I look in the mirror and being surrounded by beautiful people doesn't help. I just want to fix the big issues...or come to terms with my appearance (counselling does not work for me I've now seen 6 councillors at this point so no point in repeating that cycle).

First of all, I am sure you are not "ugly". That's your self-esteem talking.
Secondly, people will pay for what they believe is important. There will be people on minimum wage who will prioritise getting their nails done every week.

A lot of your physical appearance will be highly affected by your health, so I would put a heavy focus on that to begin with. Being healthy will also do wonders for your mental health as well. Get moving, you don't have to go to the gym. Even a simple walk each day, or a bike ride, or a Youtube workout. Drink lots of water. Eat better. You'll be surprised at how much your appearance AND mental health will improve. Your skin will be brighter and clearer, you'll feel stronger, you'll be fitter.

Focus on health first and I think you may find that all these things you want to change are no longer an issue.

Totally agree with pp - getting fit and healthy to make you feel better from within. Is there a sport or type of exercise that you enjoy? And if you can focus on changing habit towards an ‘eat healthy’ mentality (rather then focus on losing weight) then it’s more likely to stick!

There are also a couple of (relatively low cost) products that have made a difference to how I feel about my appearance and might also work for you:

• Skin&Me - my formulation contains tretinoin and in the space of six months my skin looks so much fresher that I’ve ditched foundation and just wear tinted SPF. I believe there is a formulation that helps with skin pigmentation and may help your acne scars? It costs me £20 a month but it feels like money well spent.
• Rapidlash - this needs to commitment to work properly, but I did have friends comment about my lashes when I started using it as it made such a difference. I find that a tube lasts ages so it’s good value over time.

I also totally sympathise with disliking your nose. I hate mine and considered a nose job but my friends convinced me that I wouldn’t look like me if I changed it - it is part of you!

These women live in debt trust me. By far the majority do.

Cosmetic procedures: Prioritising spending on looks and credit cards/loans.
Teeth: Turkey or clip in or just don't smile showing teeth, home whitening kits
Body: diet and exercise, genes, borrowing money for procedures, taking second jobs, sugar babying, bf/husband/money from family.
Hair: genes, diets, extensions, supplements

It takes a lot of time too not just money. give yourself a year or two.

I bought a tooth whitening kit, it’s fab
out a natural colour through your hair to give it some shine
tinted moisturiser, a lip, cheek eye stick to bring some colour to your face and som great lip balm

im sure you’re not ugly.

Hello!
I used to work with glamorous people. For me, the make up woman was beautiful. She had no make up, was short and round and nothing like the tall blondes she was putting make up on. But, like others have said, she enjoyed diving, so she shone with health had twinkly eyes and was relaxed and smiley. Everybody liked her. By contrast the ‘beautiful’ women seeemde over made up and self absorbed. At the party after, they looked amazing, but didn’t move or smile, we’re too busy posing and the famous chap they were trying to attract soon wandered off to the make up lady who was smiling and chatting to everyone. Also met another lady recently and the same thing applied.
also who wants to go out with someone who likes you just because you’ve got big knockers and are blonde. Booorrring!
immtrying to say people don’t think, oh wow, she’s got great eyelashes I must be her chum, but they take in all of you - mostly your smile, twinkly eyes, how you hold yourself and whether you seem relaxed.

Definitely take some vitamin pills, drink water and get a healthy glow from excersise. Made a massive difference to my looks when all my hair fell out. As pp said, lip gloss and a bit of blush for a healthy glow, no need to fake tan, clean ironed clothes, file your nails, run a colour ( leave it on for half the time and it will look more natural) through your hair, add a few highlights with some sun in ( tiny strands) and practice standing tall ( see Amy cuddy on you tube)
I think a good look if you are not sure is jeans and a crisp white shirt, coloured leather shoes and a nice colour small leather bag and a bead necklace.
Baby steps, a 2 minute walk round the block to start. you can rock this!
oh! And train your inner voice to say encouraging things to you, ‘ well done! You took a vitamin pill, that’s so great!’ Much much more effective than bullying ourselves to get something done.

Hope this helps. It’s something I struggle with too which is why I’m typing so much!but honestly, people don’t notice stuff like acne scars if you are and I know it’s a cliche, clean and ironed with neat nails and hair, and interesting to talk to.
a tooth whitening kit helps too, or rub lemon peel on them! ( I’m so broke)
and my photographer friend said that Elizabeth Hurley the face of some make up company or other has to be photographed with a special filter on the camera as her skin is very scarred. For what it’s worth!

We all have bits we don't like.
Really really enjoy the bits you do like.
Let them shine and take confidence from them.
I've just painted my nails and now I feel like the shit!!!

Agree Lot of people are using credit somewhere to afford things like fillers and Botox and hair extensions lashes. Even a just a decent hair cut and colour every 3/4 months and and nails and brows monthly costs me £80 a month.

What can you afford OP and what do you already do. Nails and hair and make up, clothes can work wonders before tweakments and treatments.

I did go through phases of wanting brows micro bladed and lip filler but then walking round the local big shopping centre I soon went off this

I stopped having many beauty treatments when I met my husband as he is super frugal. So decided to save instead (for retirement in 20 years!)
idea.

Teeth can be cleaned at the dentist.

Hair make up and clothes can make a huge transformation and it need et cost too much.

What I have learnt is not to feel guilty about investing in these services (I used to feel ashamed as considered a waste of money) and that it's ok to spend money on me as I earn it and have zero debts.

I'm also really big on budgeting so if it's £20 a month find some great products each month. If it's £50 get you nails or brown done and save up for a decent hair cut.

Aldi had loads of great make up dupes but you have to be quick. Look at budget beauty on Instagram.

Weight loss had done the biggest for me- I went on saxenda having battle too long.

You need to just make the best of yourself op. That's all we can do. I'm not perfect. Far from it. I have a wrinkled mum tum and a huge scar down my thigh. They're my bits I don't like. But two years ago I did couch to 5k and I've kept it up. Running is my absolute favourite thing now. I run every other day. I'm fitter, stronger and feel mentally so much better. My legs look so strong that the scar doesn't bother me at all. I just don't show my stomach but I don't let it get me down.
No7 skincare is very good and affordable, they always have offers on.

Having lots of beauty stuff done costs a lot as it usually needs regular maintenance so yes you either need to be quite well off or you use credit.

There are definitely ways to cut corners, eg I recently bleached my own hair, and my hairdresser does free fringe trims (and tidies up my hairline generally) in between cuts and Therapie do Botox starting from £120 when most places charge over £200. You can do your own nails at home, tooth whitening too. The Skin and Me/Dermatica services are excellent.

The trouble is that if you start down this road, you will always find something else not to your liking, it’s a bit like painting walls and then seeing how mucky the skirting boards are. It’s a futile journey really, the idea of being ‘finished’ at some point is false. The ‘makeover’ trope. Ultimately you are better off accepting yourself and challenging why you don’t feel good enough. Also appreciating what you do have when some people have it worse (hair loss, chronic illness, terminal illness, auto immune conditions etc). Our bodies are amazing.

Try plantur 39 for your hair maybe?

I couldn’t afford treatments either. Luckily, for the moment anyway, I don’t want to. I am far from perfect, I just don’t fancy going down that route.

If you are registered with an nhs dentist, it's worth booking in for dental work and a scale and polish. If there's a bit more money then the dental hygienist is with seeing ( but these are private and last time I went cost about £50).
There are also salons who do dry cuts. If you didn't need anything drastic then you could get a cut for around £20, depending on where you live.
If your hair is thin then I'd get some bloods done by the GP as you might be low on iron. Always worth getting the basics looked over to identify any gaps. A good multivitamin and cutting out junk food can be a cheap (ish) way of improving things.
Re skin care, Superdrug and Aldi do some good but cheap products and will be good for starting out until you identify what you really need.

Well, capitalism certainly will encourage you to fix what isn't broken, to get on the treadmill of servicing yourself with procedures that will require perpetual maintenance (ker-ching!).

Why do we believe that we need 'fixing'? What standard are we conforming to anyway? Who decides?
I believe awareness of these concepts is vital at the outset, so that you can proceed with self knowledge and and a good dose of self respect.

I don't actually believe that anyone on this earth needs to fix themselves. I think it is human nature to want to be the best 'you' possible, but this perception that everything needs tweaking or remodelling to fit an idealised outer image is misguided and primarily about making someone else rather wealthy.

I would suggest that our culture is 'broken', not our bodies.
A culture that promotes the idea that problems are eased by looking outwards instead of within. That if we alter our bodies and faces to fit a transient ideal, then the soul or self will experience some sort of liberation or completeness.

I do my best, I like to look great, I want that to last for a good long time, but there's so much more going on here, so much crap to unpack that fucking with my nose shape or every tiny wrinkle ain't going to suffice for long, or help me to find contentment/love/longevity.

My own opinion - stress and lack of sleep are the real issue for most of us. Self loathing, low satisfaction and unfulfilled desires. It's easy to think it will all be easier if we just looked perfect, but in doing so we tend to ignore the more vital aspects of health and self care.

If I were you OP I would look at what people have said to you in the past, how your beliefs about yourself have formed from that, how stripping those down and replacing them with new ones might be more effective long term. You can't buy self belief.

What @HerArtMaterials said 👣

Ditto.

They get into loads of debt or they live at home and don't contribute much.

You have nothing to fix. Spend the money on what makes you happy

This month's Women's Health is worth a read they look at skincare and discuss how important fillers and botox really are. They also have a section "fit at any age".

Wow thank you for all the replies. So I've started seeing a hair dresser to keep my hair in better condition and it does look healthier but it's also much shorter than I would like (it did need it), I don't want to colour it because I have naturally ginger hair and colouring it in the past absolutely destroyed it. I do need to ask my doctor about hormone checks so I will see if that has anything to do with the thinning. I'm very short (under 5 foot) so it's a struggle to find clothes that hang right on me, I'm not hugely overweight but could definitely do with losing a few pounds so I've got a cycling machine and meal replacement powders.

I have a severe phobia of dentists, but my partner is going book me an appointment with his dentist - who is private - because he thinks they will be more understanding than the NHS dentists. I'm not sure how true that is but I have a chip in my front tooth and a hole in my back one that needs sorting. I haven't been to one in 6 years and that was only because I had an absess that was making me extremely unwell, so professional cleaning/whitening isn't that easy for me. I am put off the at home kits due to the bad reviews I have seen.

I would love to just accept myself but I've never been particularly resilient anyway and I've been told from a very young age that I was the 'runt' of the family and that I'd never be beautiful, then school bullies and teachers confirmed what my family were telling me and by the time I left school I didn't have any confidence whatsoever in anything - not just looks. So I've just been coasting for so long and now I want to change everything. Sorry that was a bit longwinded.

I've been told from a very young age that I was the 'runt' of the family and that I'd never be beautiful

What a fucking horrible thing to say to any child

OP, you are NOT a runt. No wonder your confidence was crushed by such a vile comment, but please don't allow this to define you. Anyone who would say such a thing is utterly vile.

That’s dreadful & no wonder you have no confidence, it’s hard to overcome such criticism when you are young.
Regarding your hair, if it’s thin get your thyroid checked, blood test at GP. Low thyroid is a main cause of thinning hair & vey common in women. I have been taking replacement meds since it was diagnosed by pure chance when being tested for something else.
You have red hair. Not ginger, don’t think of it like that, it’s the most stunning colour & redheads are becoming an endangered species in the world so it’s very special. My DS has the most beautiful coppery red hair, quite a girl magnet it turns out. 😄
I bet it’s dry, lots of leave in conditioner will help on top of using a rinse out one.
I’m just five foot as well. Can be difficult but not impossible to find clothes, I find it easier with separates rather than dresses.

Wow, busy replying to threads today!

@KevinTheKoala , firstly, although my opinion doesn’t really matter, I’m sure that you’re not ugly.

Re the cost side: I am on a tight budget- house sit around the country for free/cheap holidays, cut and colour my own hair at home, do my own nails, lashes and brows, but I do now have Botox. It is my one thing I do for myself (that is basically invisible and more preventative), but it’s important to me.

I also- rarely- have facials at the local beauty college which make me feel like a million dollars. Currently saving for tear trough fillers and a rhinoplasty, but am doing the “envelope” sinking funds’ saving pots and will only use the money if and when it is in those pots!

Also, are you comparing yourself to others? I know that when I was younger I was desperate to look like a combination of Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley and Minka Kelly, but I genetically look more like Renee Zellweger (sp?). Nothing wrong with Reneet, but I always wanted to be olive-skinned, with doe eyes and tiny, symmetrical features. The grass is always greener!

I once knew two ladies- one absolutely model gorgeous but anorexic and obsessed about everything so was v unhappy, then the other was plain and chubby but was so smiley, cheerful and positive. I- quite uncharitably- felt sorry for her and envious of the beauty- but the plainer girl was the one that attracted the lads in the clubs.

Anyway, it’s a personal thing- like weight. You might see every flaw; others might envy what you have.

And please ignore your sister- she’s an idiot x

Please ignore the horrible comments about your appearance. Looks fade anyway, it's all about making the best of yourself on your budget.

Every month I get my eyebrows and upper lip waxed and roots dyed and then cut and coloured every 9 to 9 weeks. Superdrug have some lovely face masks and Garnier do good hair masks.

I think beauty is all relative anyway. It's more important to feel healthy and be a nice kind person.