I’ve literally let myself go.

[TooTightFit]

I’ve literally let myself go. I’m 52 and I look like a bag lady. This time last year I was super fit, looking FAB and 20 lbs lighter. The younger version of myself was always immaculately turned out and super confident.

I’m just knackered. I’ve got no waistline left. I’m menopausal but don’t think I need HRT as I’m just tired and a bit fat, no other symptoms. I only work 3 days a week, but the commute is 2.5 hours a day and I’m on my feet the whole day. I look at other women who are immaculately turned out; nails, eyebrows, lashes, hair, accessories and clothes, and I think “where do they get the time?”. When I’m not working I’m; walking the dog, cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing, dealing with elderly relatives and acting as Uber driver.

It’s making me sad as in the past I was quite well turned out. I’ve not massively changed. I look a lot younger apparently and I have nice skin. I’m just knackered, disorganised and don’t have the mojo to attend to myself. I’m last on my list 😢

Lovey - get booked in for a full blood test and get HRT! Sounds like you’re too knackered to care and that’s what needs addressing. You might think you don’t need hrt but have that conversation with your go, get blood tests get hrt and then see how you feel!

You say you don't think you need HRT.

And then you say you're knackered, disorganised and have lost your mojo.

These are things that HRT can help with. I think you could try it and see if it helps.

And delegate some of those domestic jobs to do one thing per week that makes you happy. Hobby, meet a friend, long bath???

What's changed in the last year? That is a long commute, is it a new job/move?

I don't know much about hrt but a chat with the doctor wouldn't hurt.

No idea about HRT or medical ways of regaining energy.
But, would forcing yourself to follow a schedule help? At least for the days you are not working.
Something like early waking up, 6:00AM, invigorating dog walk straightaway, shower when you get back and dress comfortably but reasonably smart (for example a nice loose dress), brush hair. Then follow a list of things you have to do like housework or gym etc. PM gentle relaxing dog walk, then dinner, put everything away etc so by 8 PM you have a relatively tidy house.
Now it's your time. Do whatever gives you joy: knitting, reading, meditation, head massage, pedicure, gardening whatever you want. Add a chore every now and then because things need doing but listen to a podcast whilst doing it. No TV or social media. No alcohol. Aim for 10:30PM bedtime.
Obviously you need flexibility for family needs but essentially mornings and evenings are for you only.
Some sort of framework.
Eventually you can add some skin care or exercises within your own dedicated time.
Before you you know it, it becomes habit.
Be a bit selfish and do bigger jobs in parts (for ex. Painting a room can take you a week, there's no law saying you have to do it in one day). Take a slower pace but include energising activities every now and then.
Stand ip as much as possible, be on the go but not at a manic speed.
Also maybe your true style now may be more relaxed? Minimal or no make up, plain but tidy nails not coloured, that sort of thing.
Looking and feeling 'tidy' is probably more practical than being glammed up.

Reading the answers here on HRT with interest. I've also decided I don't need it (yet) and the doctors say that if I don't have symptoms, don't get it. I am also more tired - but then again so is my husband!

What helps me is to make a list. I make a list of everything I need/want and mark things off bit by bit e.g. 2 new jeans, 1 bright lipstick, 1 white shirt etc... It means you introduce new nice things into your wardrobe and make up systematically. You could research a good capsule wardrobe and see what you need. I know this doesn't take care of health/weight but it helps to plant down budget for your appearance.

HRT. Don't dick about. Get it. Sorry you feel shit. It's rubbish, isn't it

HRT. I felt like this and it sorted me right out.

The symptoms for menopause are quite extensive so it's worth having a look. No harm in getting the blood tests to see how things are looking generally - anaemia makes people feel knackered. Worth getting checked over

HRT is also protective against diabetes, heart disease, osteoporosis and Alzheimer’s, so it’s not just about symptoms you are experiencing now.
There are a couple of good documentaries on all4 with Davina McCall. Do a little research before you decide not to take it. My mind was changed recently 🙂

This is what stood out for me :

This time last year I was super fit, looking FAB and 20 lbs lighter

if it's 'just' a year then you should be in a pretty good place to slow down then reverse the downward spiral. Some good ideas on this thread already, together with what you already know - you're putting yourself last.

I would suggest trying to pinpoint what has caused the decline in your self care…until that is sorted it will be an uphill battle. You are obv trying to cope with something that is more than you can handle 🤷‍♀️ And resorting to overeating to get through it…

Step 1: Get the HRT.

No offence but you have two options, you either

1. care enough about your appearance to actively make changes to improve your appearance
2. or you don’t do anything and just accept the way you look regardless

the ball is in your court

Obviously she does care, because she posted. It's just that sometimes people don't know where to start. Or they are overwhelmed by other things which are going on in their lives.

'No offence' doesn't make up for being so unsympathetic. It's quite possible to care a lot and not have the resources to deal with something. (So says this very perimenopausal woman).

When you say bag lady, I'm envisioning mad hair and mismatched clothes. If that's the case, start with your hair, if that's cut and coloured well, you style it daily ( T3 hot air brush duo gives fantastic results and so easy to use). Use a serum to smooth it, I think you'll feel more done instantly if your hair always looks groomed.

With regard to clothes, put things on that go together, work out simple outfits mainly in plain colours in a style that suits you, almost like a uniform.

You say you have good skin, so make up should work well on you. and be quick to apply. Curl your lashes and use a waterproof mascara to set the curl and last all day. Dust a good bronzer (I love Charlotte Tilbury) where the sun would naturally hit your face Wear a bright lipstick.

Finish with earrings and lovely perfume.

Yes, me too. Exactly this. The protective benefits are very significant. Also look up Louise Newson. I'm amazed not more women understand this. It's not only about dealing with the symptoms.

I really think you should inquire about HRT. It’s not some dangerous treatment only to be used in the worst of cases. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if I’m future all women were reccomendes to take it for physical and mental health reasons. I mean really why wouldn’t you feel and look better if you could? That’s what HRT does for you (or can).

As for presenting yourself better with more make up, nails etc. - did you have a usual routine before MP? If so why did you fall out of it? I doubt you just started caring for other people and being busy in that regard. Perhaps your affected by your hormones more than you realise.
I really think looking good is quite easy when it’s a part of a routine that you just do - same as you would take a show or brush your teeth or get dressed, if you’ve stopped then something has gone wrong and in your case I think HRT could solve that.

What has changed in the last year that means you have changed?

Can you afford to outsource some of the household chores? That way they get done and you don't have them hanging over you. You could do this for a short time whilst you get yourself into a routine.