My bikini expertise (LIGHTHEARTED)

[TheBikiniExpert]

I have now been on an Italian beach for a week and thought it was time to share my newly-acquired expertise! Please feel free to add your own, bearing in mind that this is a light-hearted thread on Style & Beauty not AIBU!

• Everyone can wear a bikini. I would say 95% of women from 5 - 100 are in bikinis. It is too damn hot for a one-piece.
• Big bikini bottoms make you look like you've got a big bottom half even if you are a skinny waif.
• On the other hand, string thongs just don't look good on anyone.
• Big boobs/droopy boobs look better with some support. Only perky boobs look good with those tiny, flimsy triangles. Sadly, hardly anyone over 30 has perky enough boobs for the triangle including myself.
• Velvet bikinis were a thing last year. They were hideous then. They are hideous and old now.
• Ditto sequins from about 5 years ago.
• Everybody looks better in a bikini when they stand up straight and suck their stomach in. Sadly I don't think it is possible to do this for more than 5 minutes.

Please add your own insights!

Agree 100% about velvet bikinis, indeed almost velvet anything apart from curtains!!

I don’t agree about the high-leg bottoms being the most flattering. They visually make half your hip area look like thigh- if you’ve already got even slightly big thighs they’ll look bigger. The most flattering are either tie-sided- because you can make sure they don’t dig in anywhere- or the kind with a folded over top.

1. I love high-waisted bikini bottoms! They hide the not so fit tummy, yet show off the slim waist. I will continue to think I look great in them and wear them proudly!
2. I didn't know velvet swimwear was ever a thing... I'm surprised nobody took pictures wearing them against a velvet couch, besides everybody knows it's not chic and in, until a random expert from down under says so on the DM.

I have a new CupShe bikini worn for that first time today in the pool. The bottoms are midi and I really like them. Impressed with their designs and the sizing info was spot on.

I also recently bought an M&S underwriter navy bikini top to go with navy bottoms I have already and it's great.

underworld obviously! No-one is insuring my bust!

As if women’s boobs suddenly “go” at 30. Jeeez

There's always one! 🙄

If wearing a triangle bikini that has movable triangles, don't go in the sea where there are big waves.

When the wave crashes over you, the triangles will move, and you will show your boobs to the world.

😂

Please tell me more about the CupShe bikini...they have some really nice designs but I've struggled to get past the name for some time 😁...

I have a big arse, which I do like, but I've found full coverage bikini bottoms make it look about 7 miles wide. What is the alternative?!

If you've got it, flaunt it!

Bikini tops and board shorts - with pockets.

No bikini line, no missing room card, no pulling Lycra out of your bum every five seconds no matter what shape you or your bikini bottoms are.

I am never ever going back.

I think I need to go board shorts. I would love other 'don't give a shit' women on my holidays - I start out not caring them I'm surrounded by people who are as thin as a rake with solid abs and lots of children and never get out of my one piece!

I LOVE that swimsuit whoatealltheminieggs I would also need the models hair to pull it off.
Where do I get lady board shorts from? I think I am going to do that, with a halter neck bikini top.