How to not be skinny fat

[TowardstheHills]

I didn't know where to put this, it isn't about 'weight loss' but feels too specific for 'chat'. I am not unwell, so it possibly belongs in the 'beauty' category, I hope so!

So, I was always around 8st 3 for most of my adult life, would gain or lose a few on and off but never veered outside of a 5lb range. Never even gave it any thought until recently.
I gained weight over lockdown, put a stone on as drank a lot of wine and ate quite a bit more, was also very inactive. Since last autumn the weight has slowly just fallen back off as I have got back into the swing of life and cut out the booze.

However, we didn't own a set of scales throughout and as I have lost the lockdown poundage I can still see flabbiness so I decided to maybe get fitter and do some running/resistance/yoga, etc. Looking in the mirror I felt that I was back to my regular weight and tho my clothes are a bit loose, I am still a bit flabbier than previously.
A few weeks ago we bought some new scales and I was very shocked to find that I was 7.7 stone. Double checked at pharmacy then saw GP, so all is well but I am a couple of pounds underweight for my 5'4 height. GP said not to worry as I tend to be on the small side, and just keep an eye on it and don't skip healthy fats (I don't!)..my diet is varied and healthy and that's ok.

But what I can't deal with is how I don't 'feel' so light. I am obviously skinny fat, a term I used to find ridiculous, but hey, it's real. I WFH so haven't done any fitness routine for yrs now, although used to love hiking. I am also 48 and menopausal. I did not intend to reach 7.5 so would like to get back up to over 8, but don't want the flabbiness to get worse, and don't wish to reach it with donuts and chocolate. I imagine as I am getting older, i will have to maintain my physique as there will be less elasticity, etc.

Is there a way to do this? Can I rebalance the fat to muscle ratio healthily? I have no idea what to do or where to start. Is it even possible to NOT be skinny fat, or am I saddled with it? I would love to get fitter and NOT lose more weight, so obviously do not want to restrict food!

Any advice is more than welcome, I don't want to get older like this with willowy bones and flesh like soft blancmange. I know it isn't 'ugly' and am grateful for my health, but I would prefer to look more toned and less soft.

how do you know she didn't?

If it makes some of you feel better, I must be disordered because I have some loose flesh and a low BMI.

Where sanity still prevails, do remember I gained a lot of weight thru lockdown and lost it without trying, although did cut out a LOT of wine and pizza. I am presuming the inactivity has took some muscles mass off me.

And if someone is likely to be mentally ill when a few lbs underweight, I do hope we cast this same judgement upon people who are a few lbs overweight, just for the sake of equality ..

You need to build muscle. Start weight training, lift heavy.

The thing is, you can do very different workouts on a bike. Just like with running. A long slow run will be a very different type of exercise than hill sprints - which will do more to increase metabolism, muscle mass, strength etc.

Its just incorrect to say that you’ll only get cardio benefits from a bike. Depends what you do on the bike!

I don’t think there was a need to be so defensive to the previous poster. They referenced losing a significant percentage of your body weight without trying- that can be a sign of all sorts of illnesses and I don’t think you said your GP had investigated further in your OP. It doesn’t mean anyone thinks you’re mentally ill…

Anyway, back to the issue- I would suggest upping your protein and healthy fats further and building muscle through weight training. Give that a go for 6 weeks and I bet you’d see the change you want.

Op I am fatter than you but I’m also skinny fat. I finally started with a PT and am doing machines at the gym, god I’m such a weakling. I’ve been doing cardio for the last couple of years (cycling) turns out I have no muscle. Same age as yourself too. I am sitting here unable to lift my arms over my head after attempting some floor work on Sunday. PT talked a lot of sense. It’s time to work on muscle and not run towards cardio (which I love love love).

my fun did a body reading of me and my fat content is v high! Not even going to write it down here. I was shocked becisee I’ve been tracking body fat for 5 years at the gym. I am classic hidden obese now. Next to no muscle tone, and fat, but still about my same dress size.

I think peri-m has something to do with it too

Nobody said you were unwell just to keep an eye out and make sure you weren't being overly critical of your body. They were just trying to make sure you're not in an unhealthy mindset

Understood. However, I do feel there is a bias on MN regarding being at a lower weight, it often meets accusations of disordered eating - unlike being 3lbs overweight, which is considered normal.

I think in my case the weight has come off since last October, slowly, since lockdowns stopped. The issue is I hadn't weighed myself during the loss so hadn't seen it slip below 8.
It is not sudden weight loss. But it IS sudden scales shock

I have also noticed the flabby stuff since wearing leisurewear and leggings. I used to wear dresses much more. I wonder if i have noticed it more now because I am wearing fairly tight or fitted clothing. I have high hips (short torso) so anything waisted always makes me feel odd in the middle. I will have a think about that.

Thanks for so much advice everyone. Apologies for snippiness.

Just to add, I have always been soft toned. Even at 21. A boyfriend at that age once said 'god youre so soft, why don't you tone up!?' (cheeky shit).

I have had a tendency to drop weight all my life, especially with stress, so nobody I know has even noticed this. I had presumed I was back to 8st as I still take a size 10 legging in M&S. I on't look 7.7st. ................ so I presume my muscle must weigh less now. Will try to find a pic.

I mean that if you looked like this, you could be forgiven for thinking you were at a normal weight (i know iphone pics can distort/widen at close range but there you go)

It’s not the being skinny that makes us think you might have disordered thinking but that fact combined with posting on here for advice to get some kind of “ideal” body. Plenty of people have given advice if you want to build muscle but I think that needed to be balanced out by the possibility you are not seeing yourself as you are. If you came on saying you had high blood pressure or colesterol it would make more sense.

So not having used scales since weightloss and being shocked at the number is disordered? When have I asked to have a perfect body?

Seriously, If i said i was 9st and wanted to tone up, would that make you think i was disordered?
I have stated that I do not want to restrict calories and that my body is not ugly. There are many things I love about it. I just didnt want to grow older being unfit.

I’m the same as you OP, although a bit heavier and taller. My stomach is so fat and I have soft thighs. Have just ordered a kettle bell!

I'm also skinny fat, but I found boxing classes completely transformed my body. There's a nice mix of cardio, light weights, ab work and then pad/boxing ring work. Not sure if it's your thing but I'd highly recommend.

@TowardstheHills

I’m the exact same height as you and weigh 8st, always have more or less. I’m also more or less the same age. I know that if I dip much below 8st I start to look a bit haggard, so I try to eat plenty to keep my weight up.

I think you look fab in your photo but agree you’d look even better with a bit more muscle!

I’m more toned than I’ve ever been just from doing Pilates - no weights needed. I’ve found that I also need to eat a lot of protein. Like a lot. Eggs and meat mainly.

It might sound strange, but could you also take up some real physical work, like gardening, an allotment or something like that? I find the more I lift things and generally heave myself about the more toned I get. And it’s more interesting than doing weights.

You could also look into getting your testosterone checked - if it’s low then you might struggle to build muscle.

Pilates is a great suggestion, I would love to find a class but none local i dont think, will search for some videos. Barre workouts interest me too.

I am worried about bone density as i age as my mum had osteoporosis.
To be honest i am far more concerned about health impacts than vanity at this point.
My sister is 10 yrs older than me and is hard as a rock due to constant gardening (and her day job). Her boobs grew larger after meno but the rest of her became very tough and lean. I think i take after my mum, she was always small but very soft, i have a very similar shape to her.

Most of all I am just shocked after not weighing myself for three years. I had no idea i had gradually slipped that low. When i was 21 i would have loved to lose so much weight (idiocy of a 90's youth) but this time it just frightened me.

It’s not so much what you weigh that matters, but how healthy you are, so I wouldn’t worry too much. Some of it will be the loss of muscle as you were inactive. As you build muscle and eat more protein your weight will go up - but again, I wouldn’t really bother weighing yourself tbh.

There are tonnes of brilliant free Pilates videos on Instagram. I do half an hour at home several times a week and that’s enough.

I also take every opportunity to build muscle and good bones by doing eg a few squats while I’m waiting for the kettle to boil 😂

It all adds up!

This hits the nail for me, you have captured my concerns exactly. I never used to care to weigh myself. But this time I am glad I did because I am at least now aware that I do not wish to be underweight, even though the BMI scale is often unhelpful. I know I am unfit, and that was important to me before i discovered my weight.

I once lost a stone after norovirus (was hospitalised as lost too much fluid) and it took me nearly 2 years of healthy eating to put it back on. I dread to think what would happen if i got it now, as the idea of being 6.5 would seriously freak me out. This is no weight for a woman of my age, and i really want to get it back up in a healthy way, without creating more loose flesh.

I was the same OP, I lost weight(not on purpose) but wasn't toned. I added an extra small meal in so I now have 4 smallish meals a day and a smoothie with avocado and banana at 11ish. I hate weights so just walk lots and run. I am now slightly heavier but look much better as I am toned.

I'm exactly the same as you except an inch shorter tend to hover around 8st too, and every part of me wobbles.

I had the same thought last week and got some resistance bands and weights just for using in the living room every morning after my coffee when I'd normally be scrolling mumsnet.

Been wanting to do pilates for a while but came across a thread here about Callanetics which you can do at home with a lot of posters saying the results were great, so literally just bought the video on Amazon and intend to start tonight when the kids are in bed. Might be worth looking into if you can't find a class?

P.s I personally thought your response about casting mentally ill judgements the other way was gold . And completely justified tbh.

@Kerrangutan Thanks!

I did a bit more reading earlier today, and skinny fat might be the wrong term for it, I am just untoned and very soft. I don't have any obvious fat parts to my body, but nothing is 'hard' iyswim?

I do eat really well though, and very low sugar. I barely ever booze and have a fresh, balanced set of meals. I also walk a great deal. If skinny fat means 'visceral fat' then I have no idea, as I certainly don't lead an unhealthy lifestyle. So there seem to be 2 ways of describing 'skinny fat' and I am more confused than before!

'Skinny fat' could also sound like a way to put slim people down, to accuse them of MH issues or deathly organ fat when you know absolutely nothing about their lifestyle. A sort of "Ha you think you're slim but you are probably really unhealthy too!"

Also, it isn't the first time I have mentioned being small on MN and been suspected of mental illness. It's an injustice to people who are actually suffering.

Will def have a look at callanetics, I have no idea what that is, but being able to do stuff at home sounds good to me!

@TowardstheHills I've always thought of skinny fat as basically what you describe, everywhere is just soft.

I can walk for miles but other than that I've never really done much exercise, and I think I got away with it more when the kids were younger just from lifting them / car seats / buggies / heavy shopping bags plus a job where I was always running around (and usually carrying things too).

Lifestyle is a bit different now with wfh and food deliveries and older children. I haven't put weight on because I think my appetite just naturally adjusted (and like you I rarely drink or feel a sweet tooth). But it has left this soft layer all over me despite being an ACTUAL size 8 (or a 6 or 4 or age 12-13 depending on how far the shop is taking the ridiculous vanity sizing which - contrary to popular mn belief - is not a stealth boast and is actually infuriating AF but I digress).

I've seen everything from faux-concern to snidey accusations too and feel exactly the same. Not only does it minimise what the poor people suffering are going through, I feel like it probably adds more fuel to the fatshaming fire than anything else because of how annoying the constant double standards are. Body positivity is shameful if you're slim and celebrated if you're fat. If you're slim and try to be positive then you're stealth boasting, and if you're not positive you're anorexic or have an unhealthy relationship with food or you're imagining it. The mind boggles.

Anyhoo here's that Callanetics thread that got me interested. I did an hour tonight and I was feeling muscles I didn't know existed . I think I'll stick with it and see what happens, it was honestly quite enjoyable and I figure if I learn them fast enough I can do it while watching Love Island so win-win.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/styleandd_beauty/1426536-Has-anyone-really-changed-their-shape-by-doing-Callanetics-Sounds-too-good-to-be-true

Just wanted to wish you all the best. I think our bodies just change as we get older and it’s a shock to be that light yet feel like you are not skinny? it’s hard to accept it!
Would you consider getting a personal trainer for maybe 3 or 4 sessions and get a plan from them?

good luck

Definitely weights or CrossFit and up your protein consumption to help build muscle. I've done a few programs from a trainer called Emma Storey-Gordon, she puts out a lot of free info on Instagram

I thought this too.
I have a spin bike and my legs and bum/hips are very toned! But that’s because i do classes where there is a mix in resistance/speed and climbs etc and I’m not just sat peddling. @TowardstheHills if you have a bike that you can change the resistance that’s what you need. Cardio also is still good for us as well as weights.

I also use kettle bells and resistance bands, walking and yoga I do my workouts at home. I find that different work outs help each other. So my spin helps give me stronger legs for yoga and balance for example. Agree with the Pilates suggestion too. Some sort of strength in your routine will help. Find what you enjoy.