Suggestions please for starting again wardrobe in your 40’s

[Littlemiss74]

I’m desperate for some help please. 48 size 12, 5’3”, perimenopausal, changing body, less of a waist, more of a tummy, low confidence.

I’ve been through all my clothes and got rid of anything that was old, dated, too tight (most of it), didn’t suit me. I’m left with hardly anything which is fine but I don’t know what to buy or where from.
I work 3 days in office which is smart casual & then at home with the family. I’ve trawled around the shops for hours trying things on and have found nothing that I like & that is comfortable.
I like a non fussy look, I want to look modern but not high fashion. My days of crop tops, ripped jeans & backless dresses are over. I like cotton but can’t seem to find anything in this that isn’t frumpy.
I see so many people wearing lovely long summer dresses but they swamp me & make me look bigger than I am.

Please please can anyone suggest some basic summer outfits I can put together without looking like my daughter or my Mum? My confidence is at an all time low thanks to hormones & just can’t work out what I need.
I’d like some nice smart casual bits for work, some for home & then one or two nice outfits in case I ever go out somewhere nice for dinner/lunch/drinks (unlikely but you never know).
The shops where I live are very limited so I have tried ordering stuff online but it always goes back as looks awful. I’m wasting so much time and money. Nothing looks nice on me and I feel hot, bothered & fed up. In don’t want load of clothes, I just want a few nice things but it seems impossible at this age.

Ditch the descriptions of yourself in terms of age, hormones etc and look at your height, colouring, body shape and lifestyle.

John Lewis Personal shopper might suit you, and M&S is a lot better than people want you to believe. H&M and Zara sometimes have some finds etc

I feel your pain !! I think there is a definite gap in the market for people who are too old for ripped jeans and crop tops but aren't ready to dress like their great grans ! Seem to be stuck with M&S or Next which are both "ok" but a bit boring and a bit hit and miss. I love shops like Hobbs but who can afford that for every day ! As KirstenBlest says, H&M and Zara can be ok, but I've fairly recently discovered stitchfix and have had some lovely bits from them. You do have to invest a bit of time entering your measurements, style etc and the more outfits or individual pieces you review the more they build up an idea of what you will and won't like - this is ongoing. You can set the maximum price you would be willing to spend on a dress, a jacket, jeans, top, shoes etc. It cost £10 a "fix" but you get that knocked off if you buy anything. You also get quite a big % off if you keep everything. You have a week to try things at home and it definitely gets you trying things you might not normally wear. I've had some nice surprises ! You can have monthly, bi monthly, quarterly deliveries or just 1 offs. My first couple of boxes were a bit suspect but i kept everything from my most recent box. Just to be clear, I'm not on commission and have absolutely no affiliation with them ! ! I just love it.... second best subscription box after my gin subscription
;)

Try the online John Lewis shopping appointments or their personal style edit.

I'd recommend looking at wearsmymoney and susiesoso on Instagram. The latter is more petite so you may find her style is better for your height, but they both look fab and have changed my wardrobe.

Do you have a good seamstress/tailoring ship locally that you could use? If so then being swamped by mid dresses etc isn't such a worry - you can get things taken in/up etc, including sleeves as well as hemlines (my mum does this a lot as she's v petite). That would be my first but of advice.

Secondly I'd try and invest in a day out in your nearest big city to try some stuff on, or, as PPs have suggested, try a Stitch fix box but DON'T be disheartened if you don't get the right things first time!

My only other advice is not to be afraid of buying two of something I'd you love it - I've cultivated more of a uniform as I've got older and have realised what suits me and what I like wearing.

Oh and get on Vinted!! You can try out stuff for relatively little money and bob it back up for sale again if you're not keen - I bloody love it, much simpler than eBay somehow.

I live in widelegged M and S trousers and loose linen shirts from Zara over a tee or a vest in summer. I am a 10-12. Also straight leg jeans with blouses rather than a clingy top.

I’m not going to suggest specific clothes but strategies that might help.

pinterest is great for figuring out the look you like - grab a cuppa and spend a good 30mins scrolling and pinning anything you like without overthinking it and then look at the collection you’ve made. Certain trends/colours/styles will jump out.

shopstyle uk is a website where you can search for an item and it will pull up all the stores selling it.

When building a wardrobe buy a whole outfit rather than an item (although an item that completes an outfit is fine), and then look for two or three pieces that can change the outfit. Never buy anything until you’ve figured out how to actually wear it or it will sit in your wardrobe for years giving the illusion you have loads of clothes when you still have nothing to wear.

On that subject, take an inventory of what is missing. And make a list, on your phone, so you always have it when you’re shopping. Very often the things that we need are quite boring and it’s easy to get swept up by a dress or jacket that you don’t need, or blow your budget on something trendy.

Buy the best quality you can afford. In my case that means looking in charity shops because my budget is H&M/primark so I’m not throwing that out flippantly.

I know people can be sneery about it but getting your colours done is worthwhile - and as a bonus it makes shopping much easier. A good style consultant will show you what you can/can’t wear; what to accentuate and what to disguise. It sounds like you haven’t got a sense yet of what works on your body.

It’s already been said but alterations are key . Getting a gem taken up, or a waist tucked, or a sleeve shortened isn’t expensive but it makes a massive difference. When you think about it, it’s unreasonable to expect mass produced clothes to fit everyone.

Now saying that, different shops work off different dimensions and some shops will never work for you. Don’t let that get you down - you just need to find the ones that do. I can wear linea off the hanger but I’m in between sizes in monsoon and Zara’s trousers are awful on me. It’s just information - nothing to get depressed about! Knowing this saves me time and money if I’m shopping online.

Shopping is horrid, tiring, stressful and exhausting work. We’re supposed to love it but if you accept it for the necessary evil it is, then it’s just another chore. Try and get out for a day trip to a decent shopping centre or department store and try everything on. Treat it as a learning experience, gathering data so you don’t get caught into negativity.

Woah! That was long. Well done if you got this far.

I had a wardrobe crisis post baby and lifestyle change and hitting 40 but I am feeling pretty happy with my clothes now apart from a few gaps. This was what I did/do:

Work out what you want/need:

• Pinterest. I pinned anything I liked then worked out the common themes. e.g. silk shirts with a camisole and straight leg jeans, midi or maxi silk slip skirts and a scoop neck t-shirt. I also looked at loads of photos of my style icons and worked out what I liked about their looks and could transfer. Some of it fashionable some classic.
• Colour. A limited or complementary colour palette makes it easier to put outfits together. Seasonal analysis charts can be useful in working out what suits you or just what you like.
• Body shape - Kibbe can be helpful, you don’t have to follow it to the letter but looking at pictures can give you a better understanding of body shape and what might suit you. I found a lot of it I was doing instinctively anyway but it was still helpful.
• Practicalities for your lifestyle,what do you actually need? What makes you feel good?
• Uploaded all my clothes to a wardrobe app. Stuff I couldn’t be bothered to photograph went straight in the donate/sell pile. Seeing it collected visually helps with outfit planning.

Shopping:

• I chose a handful of brands that I felt matched my style, suit and fit me and were the quality I wanted and stick to those as it makes ordering online easier. Some brands I only buy one specific items like jeans or t-shirts. If you are short French brands cam work better than U.K. or Scandi ones, imo. I ordered and tried on enough stuff to work out my size then saved searches on Vinted, eBay, Vestaire.
• Anything that doesn’t fit perfectly I take to a tailor. Even getting straps adjusted on simple tanks. I am petite but hate most petite ranges and this has been life changing.
• I keep a list of stuff I want and gaps that need filling and look at this before buying.. I try to only buy stuff I really love, no”that will do” purchases I don’t feel good in. Stuff also has to work with what I already own. If buying second hand I buy stuff I’m confident of reselling if It doesn’t work.

Thanks for all the great suggestions. I have tried using pinterest & found it helpful to get ideas of whole outfits but its then buying the actual items I find hard as the posts don’t always say where they are from or they are in other countries. Also i’m wanting to buy better quality if I can but some of the prices of things are just too much for me. I quite like the look of Hush & Mint Velvet for example but they’re tshirts are around £40 & nice blouses & shirts £70. Where is there that is cheaper but still half decent quality? I do like Zara alot but it doesn’t seem to like me as nothing fits me, either too big or small.

@LeeMiller would you mind sharing some of the brands you have found work well as a fellow petite person? I am yet to find one nice midi summer dress that doesn’t make me look like a milk maid or 6 months pregnant or trail on the floor. I have tried all the usual high street shops but am more wary of buying online from new places but maybe I need to. I like the sound of French brands - do you just google them & try them out?

Hi OP, I would think about sihouettes that work for you, I am 5ft2 and wear loads of midi and maxi skirts and dresses but I find that being short, slim-fitting/low volume styles work best for me, anything with puffy sleeves or billowing fabric skirts makes me look like a toddler playing dressing up. So I prefer slimmer, more fitted/figure skimming styles: bias cut or A-line, wrap dresses, slip dresses, shirt dresses, shifts, knit dresses, nothing with too much fabric. If you can idetify the styles you need then somewhere like Asos or Zalando might be worth a look as they have such a big range.

My favourite French brands are Sezane, Rouje and Ba&sh. To be able to afford what I like I buy pre-loved and just wait for bargains to pop up. I also own stuff from Claudie Pierlot, Maje, Iro, The Kooples, Comptoir des cotonniers, Petit Bateau, La Redoute. I think the average French woman is shorter so stuff seems cut for a shorter body, and they often come in smaller sizes too. Then I like &Other Stories separates(the Paris atelier stuff is smaller), Realisation Par for silk slip dresses and skirts. I find Zara is ok for skirts but not for dresses. Next, M&S, Whistles, Cos all drown me.

Since I found my wonderful seamstress though I almost always get dresses adjusted as the body is almost always too long.

I think it's pretty tough out there at the moment. Retailers are desperately trying to keep the cost of clothing low but that means some very shoddy, cheap things. I

wouldn't say I have any 'go to' shops where I know things will work, I have to trawl half the internet and loads of shops to find anything. I'd be horrified to lose my current wardrobe

Definitely think one key thing is to focus on what you think you are missing, specifically, eg it could be a pair of mid rise straight jeans and then spend time finding those as its very easy to get distracted and buy things you had no intention of buying and which won't actually help. It's all very time consuming!