Embarrassed by how I look - can I reverse some of my ageing?

[Magnoliabuds]

Please help me, mumsnet beauty pros!

I’ve had a tough few years of working 50-60 hour weeks, and more recently having a child that is a terrible sleeper. It’s really showing on my face!

I’m only early 40s but I look puffy and grey, and very featureless and forgettable. I used to be really pretty, and while I don’t expect to look the same forever, I feel mortified when I see people I know. I imagine them thinking wow, what happened?

Is is possible to reverse some of this ageing? I just want to feel like I look a bit like myself again!

It probably sounds a bit obvious, but do you drink much water? I find this a really effective and easy fix for my skin in particular if I'm looking a bit worse for wear through over-working or lack of sleep.

I would increase vegetables in your diet, quit alcohol and get into cardio exercise - running or similar.

If you used to be really pretty then I bet you still have pretty features, you've just neglected yourself a bit. Don't lose hope! How you go about tackling problem areas may be function of how much money you have to throw at it... though you can probably achieve a lot on a budget too, with diet, exercise, retinol and the right makeup.

If you want to burn through the cash, I would go to a good face/body clinic & see what they recommend. And also diet, exercise, retinol...

I definitely need to drink more water and (somehow find the time to) exercise.

I’ve also wondered about trying botox although it seems very expensive for something that needs to be redone so often.

I have Botox and fillers I also had upper blep and taken years off I look younger now that in my 40's x

I feel exactly the same as you OP, suddenly feeling like I look a lot older than I should, and worrying about going to a friends wedding because I feel like I’ve aged terribly since we last saw each other. After years of umming and aahing, I’ve literally just got back from my first Botox session. Won’t see the results for a little while yet but hoping for some improvement!

I’ve tried all sorts of creams, had my eyebrows microbladed (which I found soooo painful so no longer do!) so I decided to give Botox a go. Keeping my fingers crossed…

Yes. You want to hear what I reversed from and it was more than work too.

Skincare routine. Inexpensive:

Remove makeup:

Coconut oil, jar from Aldi, muslin cloth OR splash out on the Aldi cleansing balm that comes with an exfoliating cloth.

You put the product on and rub, you run the cloth under hot water, then you remove the product with the cloth.

Now you...

Exfoliate:

Korean Italy towel, green, lightly in circular motions with a good cleanser. (£20/month will get you Dermatica prescription, you add £12 first time and you get a cleanser and moisturiser which last a month)

You do this LIGHTLY each day. This alone will improve your skin.

Then you use a retinol or other treatment. Can't recommend Dermatica enough. Skin+Me also do one but I found Dermatica to work better for me.

Now, go to amazon and buy hemp oil, £6. Use a cotton pad to apply this to your face at night. This will resurface your skin/even it out.

Avoid stress. Eat well (I mean raw fruits and vegetables as many as you can manage). I'd advise against meat and dairy but of course this is extreme when we're just talking about skin but I'll say it anyway.

If you do this for a month you'll see improvements, just like I did, and from a heavy amount of abuse that affected my skin.

I'm over 40 and my skin now looks even better than my twenties.

Botox is one of the things that would help with fine lines or wrinkles but you don't mention those? Just that you're "grey, puffy, featureless"
Can you expand on that? Do you mean eye bags, dark shadows under eyes?

I think you can resolve this without invasive procedures. Early forties is very young (in my mind)!

It sounds like it's mainly down to a lack of sleep. Can you go to bed when your baby does for a couple of weeks to see how you refreshed you look?

Also, some decent "natural" make up works miracles. I look like a corpse most mornings (49 yrs) and can transform with the help of concealer, brightener, illuminating cream, bit of blusher and bronzer.

I think you sound easily fixable and don't need to spend a small fortune or embark on a gruelling regime to get results.
A bit of sun and fresh air works wonders too.

Good skincare routine. It can work wonders, argireline from the ordinary is great for reducing fine lines. Add it with a good routine with an exfoliant, cleanser, moisturiser and toner. Eye patches a couple of times a week for puffiness.

Same for hair and body: get a nice haircut/colour, good hair care, deep condition, exfoliate, tone and moisturise your body.

Treat yourself to brows, nails etc to feel good.

I feel so much better after starting these things (along with exercise and water). The argireline solution is a recent find and oh my goodness I can see the difference in just a week!

If you need a bit of colour Tan-luxe Super Glow is a quick fix.

I find that using glycolic acid toner, then moisturiser really helps brighten my skin, the improvement it made when I first started using it was very noticeable. Getting rid of the grey hair and getting high lights, wearing make up and making the effort clothes wise also helped me feel like a human after really neglecting myself.

Fake tan on your face will make it look better.

@ChiefInspectorParker and @getoutofheree I’ve screenshot your posts! Great advice!!

Not getting enough sleep is very aging, but once you start getting a proper 7 hours a night again you'll notice some improvement.

In the meantime, lots of good advice above for little things you can do that, all added together, will really help. If you have no time to exercise go out and have a brisk walk in your lunch break or get off the bus/tube one stop earlier or just run up the stairs rather than taking the lift - it's like Tesco - every little helps!

Make a regular appointment to go and have a facial. Can you manage an hour on a Saturday morning once a month? If so, the difference it can make is huge. Good products on your face too. If your skin is puffy it's probably from tiredness, but speak to a decent beautician and they'll be able to recommend both a regular facial and products to help. As you mention Botox, etc, I'm assuming that you have at least some money to throw at the problem. Botox can be really good if you have deep lines on your forehead or between your brows. If you have lots of fine lines around your eyes you basically need sleep and a good, hydrating eye cream as a starting point.

And yes, drink 2 litres of water per day. Buy yourself a litre water bottle and keep it on your desk and aim to empty it by lunchtime and then again by the time you leave work.

Yes ditto, great advice @ChiefInspectorParker and @getoutofheree It’s encouraging just to think there are steps I can take to sort myself out and feel
like a person again.

@SmileyClare you’re right, I just look unhealthy and unwell rather than having many wrinkles (bar a frown line that’s coming through… not because I’m a frowny person but I do scowl in bright sunshine). I have terrible dark rings under my eyes. I’ve tried so many concealers but they make no difference.

Thanks @PersonaNonGarter for the face tan recommendation. I’ll definitely add that to the list!

I'm addressing my (older) saggy carcass.

Water . Especially now it's getting warmer . I drink a pint before I go to bed and yes I get up in the night to use the loo but I wake without a muzy head (provided I wake in time for the morning coffee. Long lie-ins are not my friend now )

Good skincare , a simple routine that I'll follow . It doesn't work looking pretty in the bottle . I'm using Alpha H since the New Year and my skin is much better
Neck cream. Protect the skin from chin to bust

And ( from my personal viewpoint) WeightLoss
Menopausal middle weight gain creeps on and is a blighter to shift .
It's the worst place to hold fat too.

I was on holiday and thought "Fuck it , I;m fed up looking at this dumpy woman. I used to be slim, I imagine in my head I look ok but when I see the reality , it doesn't match "
I've given up chocolate , didn't eat any on holiday and I hope I've broken the craving . I still have ice cream etc but not chocolate .
It has made a difference , my middle is improving , slow but steady .
I don't drink alcohol
As a vegetarian I do eat a fair amount of fruit and vegetable but that can increase .

I need to do something with my hair but some intensive moisturing treatments first then I'll look if the colour needs anything done .

@70isaLimitNotaTarget that’s exactly it! I look at clothes online and think how great they’d look, and then I try them on and can’t believe the frump I see in the mirror!

I understand what you're saying Op but embrace where you are now. It's no good looking back and mourning that you used to be pretty.

I find it takes more effort to look good in my forties but there is something very attractive about an older, wiser woman who's confident in their own skin. You just have to put a bit more work in!

Find clothes and make up you feel good in, eat well and remember when you're 60, you'll look back to now and wonder what you were worrying about.

All those hours you do at work, is that in front of a screen? I always look terrible, grey and dull when I have finished a long day at work. Then I do some exercise or go for a long walk and I am already looking fresher. Add plenty of water, fruit and veg, and more specifically for your face exfoliating, moisturising and face yoga and you are on to a winner.

Jogging 2x a week + steam room + sleep + lots of drinking water + zero alcohol = you can look ten years younger in a couple of weeks.

Things you can do at home -

Find time to exercise, do something regularly and stick to it - even if its only 20 minutes of weight training 3 times a week at home - after age 35 women start to lose bone density, so weight training is really important. It will also help you sleep better and keep in shape.

A good skincare routine - I know it's a bit overwhelming with all the products, but even a basic routine (5 mins in the morning, 5 mins in the evening) will make a difference.

A really basic routine goes -
Morning -
Gentle cleanser
Vitamin C serum
High strength SPF, whether its rain or shine

Evening -
Cleanse
Retinol product (or prescription strength if you want the good stuff)
Moisturiser

Also try a gentle exfoliant once a week or so (AHAs or BHAs)

None of these have to be fancy or expensive brands. The key is the right ingredients and consistent use over time.

Things you can throw money at:

A decent cut and colour
Some new clothes, or even a session with a stylist at John Lewis or similar.

Lots of good advice here, bar the stuff about water:

www.webmd.com/beauty/features/drink-water-skin

Botox doesn’t need to be repeated often. I have half a dose every 12 months for my frown lines. It paralyses those muscles for 6 months but even when I can frown again, I don’t do it as much as I’ve gotten out of the habit, so I’d say the effects last for almost 12 months. You don’t want to overdo it.

But I agree with PP: first do basic hydration, exercise, skincare, vitamins. Also regular haircuts and upgrade your wardrobe if required.