Does anyone else not really know if they're attractive or not?

[Zippidy123]

I'm in my early 40's, I've always had quite high self esteem thanks to my lovely mum and nana but as I'm getting older I look at photos of myself and I really don't know if I'm attractive or not. Sometimes I can look lovely in a photo and other times I genuinely think I look a bit odd-triple chins, one eye bigger than the other, lop sided smile. I saw a video of myself the other day and the way I speak and move is awful.

I know it doesn't really matter, I've got a lovely DH. We've been together since our teens though and I just feel like he's the only human on earth who would ever think I'm attractive. I just wonder how I'm perserved by others. Does anyone else sometimes feel like this?

Yes, I know what you mean! I find it hard to really see myself clearly - sometimes I think I look ok in the mirror, then look at a photo of myself from that same day and think I look awful lol! So I find it hard to get a grip on what I actually look like.

But I genuinely think that true attractiveness comes from within, which I know sounds trite and I find it very hard to apply that thinking to myself, but I really do think that being kind, open-hearted and genuine shine through. And I think that is what is attractive when looking for a partner, or even just friends (a kind of non-romantic attraction there I guess). I wouldn't want to spend time with a mean-spirited person even if they were very physically attractive.

100%. I normally think I look hideous, especially as I’m heavier than I would like and carry it in my face and neck but then I see the odd photo and I look ok. Never stunning, can’t carry clothes well or put together outfits like some

FelicityJean yes the person I see in the mirror isn't the same person I see in photographs and it sure as hell isn't the same person I see in videos-I don't know who that gangly, awkward, nutter is! I just wonder, if a stranger walked past me in the street do they think 'oh she looks nice etc' or 'christ, her face is wonky'. I don't suppose people even care. I am a very smiley person so hopefully that's what they see.

I dont know, it's weird, I just feel like I dont really know what I look like! I blame all these damn camera phones.

Matchingcollarandcuffs I've gained weight too and it seems to have collected on my chins! I've also recently grown my fringe out (I've always had one) so I think that's made me look very different but I desperately needed a change for better or worse!

I suppose it matters where you get your attractiveness validation from.... I've always been told by others I am attractive, I'm not a Hollywood star looks wise but I am pretty. I think I have pretty privilege, if I smile at people they are often very nice to me.
But ultimately and it's a cliché really, I only care about DH. I don't wear make up anymore, I certainly don't dress for the male gaze.... And if I think of the attractive people in my life... It's because they smile a lot and have a zest for life... That's what makes them attractive.

And I definitely have some dodgy photos where i think I look very different compared to the mirror!!

I don’t think it matters, couldn’t really give a monkey’s whether others think I’m attractive. I aim to look my best for me and keep myself healthy as it’s (I think) the way to get the best out of life.

You know when I was young people said I had an amazing figure - then I got fat and people said my hair was beautiful then I chopped it all off and they said I was pretty. Now I am old and fat and have short hair and I get told I look young. Jowls down and no make up and I look like my old uncle but from the right angle am ok. I think it’s who you listen to and how you present that matters. Am smiley and a good laugh and that’s what people see - have never really thought it was how I actually looked that was the issue.

I literally have no idea.

I'm certainly not what I would think of as typically attractive, if there is such a thing. I'm not thin enough, or tall enough, or well groomed enough.

Some days I look in the mirror and think "you're not bad for your age", other days I look in the mirror and recoil in horror 😂.

I think I used to be pretty. Then I had all my hair cut short and I don't feel as attractive now.

I'm still slim etc but I guess I feel less attractive with short hair. Which is stupid and it annoys me I feel that way.

But I can't be bothered to grow it back, so I guess I'm not that bothered deep down.

I look awful in photos and worse in videos. So I'm hoping that's not the real life me 😂🤦‍♀️

Chesneyhawkes1 this is it, I'm walking around thinking I'm the one decent photo of myself, taken with good lighting at the right angle when in reality I'm the triple chinned, wonky eyed gurner from the video 😆

Thankyoy for the replies. Interesting to see I'm not the only one who doesn't have a clue!

@Zippidy123 also my voice in videos. I cringe at it 🤦‍♀️ I will avoid being videoed at all costs!

I refused to have one at our wedding. Also didn't want a photographer but DH insisted.

He actually was a miracle worker and I like the photos.

I feel like you - that I have good days and bad days or good photos and bad photos! haha I think generally people are all made of the same stuff though with a few super models thrown in the mix. Make up, fresh air and good hair cuts and clothes go a long way on anyone! I really notice people's overall aura and vibe more than facial features though. As I've got older I remind myself more of some of my relatives from decades gone by and love to feel like them in some way. I admire women who remind me of their type e.g hard working, full of character, don't care what they wear all the time, stands up for others, inclusive, kind to children that kind of thing. Kind but strong, opinionated working class types. I find them attractive. It seems silly to label them as pretty. They are/were so much more than that.

OP like you I have high self-esteem from a good childhood and a number of life privileges so i think i am attractive enough, but as I've got older I do look at myself in the mirror sometimes and think oh god! But as @AWOL66 says, most people are somewhere in the middle in the looks department - very few people are so physically attractive (or unattractive) that they stand out, so it makes it very hard to judge on looks alone. Like others have said, i think factors like hair style, expression, clothes, personality, posture etc all combine to give an overall picture of attractiveness.

Sorry don't know why this thread came up for me now! And how i didn't realise it was a few weeks ago!

When I just glance in the mirror I can look ok, sometimes even fairly pretty. If I start to look closer all my flaws start to become obvious.

I’ll often leave the house thinking I look ok then catch a glimpse in a shop window or mirror and look awful. I don’t think there are any pictures of me where I look good, I’m an absolute troll in pictures. Try to avoid them wherever possible.

My appearance was criticised a lot growing up and I have very low self esteem in general.