Tried to embrace the grey and am struggling, but allergic to hair dyes.. help please!

[PaulineFowlersCardigan]

I’ve been getting more and more grey (in my mid brown hair) and it’s now a pretty even mix. It’s not the soft lovely grey I see people with, it’s the full on wiry sort. I’m allergic to hair dyes, and don’t like the block colour of henna.
I tried to make myself feel less ‘witchy’ by cutting my hair to my shoulders.. now I look like a frizzy Wendolene from Wallace and Gromit!

I’m already feeling awful about myself, I’m 45, 5ft 2, hitting the meno since a partial hysterectomy 2yrs ago, a good 3 stone overweight (maybe 4), and just feel so awful when I look in the mirror. I don’t recognise myself at all.
I tried to embrace the ‘natural’ me. But I feel fat, sad and past it, any ideas please?

Can you tone it? I use Jerome Russell and it makes my hair a beautiful silver ash colour. I don't need to have highlights anymore.
My hair has frizzy ends and I use leave in conditioner on overnight which helps.
I also use a hair treatment once a week all over.
My hair is definitely going drier as I get older so more products are required.

Please don’t use tone If a ppd allergy , I can’t do anything to my hair ppd allergy can’t be messed with x

L'Oréal extraordinary oil for the frizziness, it's fab stuff.

@Puffalicious confidence really is something I’m lacking right now! Thankyou for that x
@girlwhowearsglasses she looks fab doesn’t she? I love it.
@SpookyActionAtADistance Your hair looks gorgeous, I feel like the texture could make a big difference to how it makes me feel

Yes! @PaulineFowlersCardigan it can.

Really.

Tell me about your hair.

@PaulineFowlersCardigan I have a DD13 with ASD and finding time for yourself is a challenge but it's really worth pursuing.

I do the Trinity program which is designed for women over 45. But basically it's about adjusting your diet and exercise (it's just kettle bells at home).
It fits in my rather intense life as a single mother working full time with an ASD kid.

HRT and a decent conditioner are the two things that made a difference to my hair. Don't dye it, it will dry it out even more.

@SpookyActionAtADistance it’s wavy and was always prone to frizz, especially when I’m warm! But now I find it goes frizzy and the Greys just stick up and out!
I have to wash it everyday as I sweat too much working etc, and it goes very greasy in one day. It’s weird as it’s medium thickness and frizzy and goes lank and horrible one day after washing. I use Pantene and I use John Frieda frizz ease cream, sometimes Pantene hair oil.
Straightening it is the best it looks, but I’m loathe to do that every day to me poor hair..

@jeaux90 I’ve never heard of the trinity programme? I will have a look. I definitely need to get hrt sorted, I feel so unlike myself and they did say when I had my hysterectomy that within 2yrs I’d be in menopause as my ovaries would stop working, so I know I need to follow that up. I think it’s just hard when you feel so tired and fed up. But if I don’t make an effort I won’t feel any better!

I went grey during lockdown. It’s shoulder length and the colour is great, just it’s a bit untamable. I found the Kerastase Discipline shampoo and conditioner excellent, it’s pricey but you don’t need to use much.

Wash with henna, rather than dyeing with it. Make up the paste fairly thin, smear it around the roots. Leave ten minutes or so then rinse out. It brightens/softens the grey without turning it red.

@PaulineFowlersCardigan have a watch of the two Davina McColl programmes on HRT and menopause. It's insane how little our Drs focus on it, even worse is that it's not part of the core teaching for GPs.

HRT was a game changer for me. I was exhausted, aching and had terrible brain fog. Within a week I was feeling more like myself. It's been a year now and I wish I'd got on it sooner rather than trying that first year of going "naturally" through it.

Please look after yourself, you'll feel better for just doing that, for just taking a few positive decisions that's just about you.

Try Philip Kingsley elasticizer to improve the texture. I'm nearly all grey and it helps with the frizz. My hair is much softer and shinier after using it. I also use John Frieda frizz eaze after washing.

@PaulineFowlersCardigan no!!

Don't wash it every day.

Every other week.

No shampoo, just a mask in the ends. Don't dry it or use heat. Really. Let it drip dry.

I’m in the middle of growing out my hair dye and going grey, I’m 37, so haven’t hit the menopause hair issues yet.
One thing I’ve found really helpful to help with the texture is using a blow drying brush, it helps smooth my hair but not using as much heat as straighteners so it’s less damaging and means the texture of my hair is much nicer.

I too have midbrown hair about 50% grey. I use john frieda blonde spray as I'm allergic to hair dye. It looks OK, see pic.

@MonkeyPuddle stop using heat on your hair!!

Have you considered a keratin treatment to smooth your hair?

Find a good hairdresser.

Try the Curly Girl method which is supposed to make your hair Curly rather than frizzy.

Or chop it all off.

Fab make up, earrings and clothes will all help make you feel better about yourself.

I've grown out my grey - I use purple shampoo and keep it in a bob (may go shorter soon but definitely not longer).
The other thing I have had to accept is that I have relatively high maintenance hair - I cannot wash and go. I have to blow dry it (got it down to a few minutes now) and religiously avoid rain otherwise its frizzy.

I would love to jump in the shower and head on out for the day but it is not happening!